substitute
New member
- Joined
- May 27, 2007
- Messages
- 4,601
- MBTI Type
- ENTP
I think the N types might struggle with this more than the S types. As an N, we tend to pay more attention to life "below the surface". That ability to feel invisible in a room full of people must come from our awareness of and attention to the iNtuitive part of relationships. I know I have a deep hunger to be known and understood to my innermost depths. Feeling misunderstood, or not understood, makes me feel alone.
Bingo... I think you're onto it there. I pretty much live through my intuition, and physical actualities sorta pale into irrelevance for me. So the fact that I am noticed as I walk around (I related to YLJ's situation of not being able to go out to buy some bread without being accosted several times on the way) doesn't stop me from feeling invisible. I know I'm noticed and I know I'm frequently in the presence of other people.
But I feel like I'm noticed for the things that don't matter to me, and not noticed for the things that do. And I can feel very alone in a crowded room, even as I'm in the act of being the main entertainment. I kinda feel like people see me as something of a prop, and they appreciate me for the things I can do socially, but they don't know or care about the reasons for why I do them, or why I can do them, or what it means to me, or how it makes me feel etc etc... As long as I'm entertaining people and linch-pinning the party, nobody really cares about my needs, my feelings, y'know, like who I am inside as long as I carry on being witty and energetic and keep coming up with ideas.
I'm very much aware that in these situations where I'm physically seen and stuff, I'm not really seen. I've known people who I've hung out with for years and partied with and been on vacation with and done all kinds of fun/adventurous stuff with them, and yet they still often come out with things about me that show they really don't understand the first thing about me, although I can predict them with almost total accuracy. Times like that always remind me that I am still alone.
Yes... maybe ENxP's and INxJ's are particularly prone to this feeling because of our extreme detachment from physicalities and also extreme attunement to the intangible. It's kind of inevitable that this will happen because so much of who we are, what makes us tick, is just completely inexplicable to someone who doesn't see it for themselves. It's intuitive, and therefore can't be quantified or explained. And the more you try, the more crazy people think you are, and the more misunderstood you are. They think you base your entire being on things that are, to them, imaginary.
edit - and then the worst part about that is that, because it's imaginary, to them, they say it "doesn't matter". That's the killing blow. You know that stuff you just painfully explained that was your soul bared to me on a platter? Well, it doesn't matter. Let's just completely disregard it; it doesn't exist. It's all just in your head. You - you - who you are, your very being as you see it, doesn't exist and is not worth worrying about.
Can anything be more invalidating??