An ENFJ Perspective
Hello, I have a question about ENFJs,
I've seen that ENFJs reveal more to people they're close to, but do they behave differently too? Are they more likely to be toned down and less extravagant?
Well that depends by what you mean by "tone down" and "less extravagant". We will tone down for an INFP because you ground us.
Can you cope when we have our first emotional outburst? If you are there for us, it may be our last (well, our last real one). INFPs tend to have a grounding effect on me; I open up because I know I can trust you; this opening is what alleviates the pressure and I don't "storm". "Storming" is not the SJ anger, it's more a generally, emotionally unstable period of time when my tanks are full and I just cannot hold any more negative energy, so it lets off in an unhealthy way (journaling helps to alleviate this if nobody is around who I trust to listen), unless I know there's somebody I can trust with the deepest parts of my heart to let them know what's going on with me.
ENFJs are very sensitive to overburdening people...if we get that from you, we won't open up. Trapped in a less-than-open relationship will not be good for our emotional or physical health.
When ENFJs are being extreme is that for their own enjoyment or are they trying to entertain others? ...or is that the same thing.
Well...it can be both. Sometimes we entertain others with a goal in mind. Sometimes there's a member of the opposite sex involved, so we climb that mountain in the middle of the room and find a very Tony Stark-ish way of acheiving attention. We will then slowly zoom in on our target, until we charm the person we wanted to charm. Sometimes, we really do just want to be entertaining--feeds into our attention needs in a positive way, depending on what we do.
And is it always the case that ENFJs are upfront about someone they like, I sort of get the feeling that mixed messages from an ENFJ is always a bad sign. But maybe just like everyone they find real intimacy a bit scary so might need to back off sometimes. Is there any foolproof test to see how deeply an ENFJ feels..?
We are just as fallable in that department as you are--real intimacy can be scary, especially if we've got other things going on; intimacy is our Omega Directive--we drop as much as we can allow oursleves to pursue it. Mixed messages may mean that they are afraid to tell you how they really feel...good or bad. If I am internally conflicted about a relationship, I'm also externally conflicted--it's difficult to hide from other Ns.
A foolproof test? You want a foolproof test? Ask the ENFJ directly. They may dodge, so persist. I'd say 4 times out of 5, they actually want to tell you what's going on in their hearts, even if its about you...but only if you ask directly. Be gentle, be kind, be ready for anything, be understanding--but like I said, if they know you can handle them being open with you, they will be much less spastic after the first few times; much more willing to open up much more easily.
Be persistent, but not scary persistent. They may outright lie because they really can't let their guard down...if they do that, it's probably not best to pursue a relationship with that person.
Feel free to PM me with any further questions.
--Fuzz