yeah that's it isn't it Jennifer? the benefit of the doubt. The way I see it, if I've got to know a person enough to figure they're basically decent, you know, I figure then the least I owe them is a basic level of trust in them as a good person. Once I give that, I can't go questioning every single thing they do that seems strange to me or whatever, and instantly putting them in the dock for it, assuming it's malicious until they satisfy me verbally that it isn't.
I get called things, and motivations and feelings ascribed to me by my family all the time that just make me think, well if they knew me at all, they would know that what they're accusing me of is completely out of the sphere of what I'm even capable of even in thought, let alone deed. So instead of what they're doing, they'd have jumped to the conclusion first, that it's probably a misunderstanding, and given me a chance and tried to understand. But it seems so often that all they're looking for when I explain things, is something to confirm and justify their suspicions, believing the worst of me.
It's so exhausting, each and every time it's like they just don't learn. Never mind that they can't think of a single time when I've lied maliciously or cheateed or stolen or betrayed any of them, or that my track record for keeping my word and not letting people down is flawless. Or the long hours we've spent where I've told them in detail my beliefs and principles and how my entire life centres around integrity and clarity. Oh no, if I chose the "wrong" words for their liking, my entire character is now instantly demonized and all my prior credit is temporarily erased.
ghoti - yes, it's just like that, those same things. The worst part for me is where they accuse me of caring more about my friends than them cos I spend more time with them. Well, is it any wonder? I never get this BS with them!
If it weren't for the fact that they're the only people who see me this way, I'd probably still be hating myself like I did years ago before I had a social life. A social life that's proven again and again that actually, my people skills are pretty damn good, they're just absurdly prickly!