Allyrianne
New member
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2018
- Messages
- 17
The following is actually my answer to an enneagram questionnaire but I'm curious if it also speaks about my MBTI type (you can ask me further questions too).
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
First thought, I'm not really sure. I just want to be happy doing something meaningful. I have this seemingly unquenchable thirst for knowing more about myself and why am I here, why do I feel like I'm here for a reason. Each day feels like another chance to rediscover myself, to redefine who I am. I'm hopelessly unsatisfied of how I can't seem to fully understand the meaning of my existence.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm depressed that I haven't really spent time figuring out what I want to accomplish. Though, I have this dream of traveling. Maybe I'll find the answers along the way. I just want to get on a road trip, stand by the edge of a cliff and feel the breeze; see the sky ablaze on a sunset. Feel the chill of a foggy morning on a gray day. Sit on top of my car stargazing, I wish someone who lives in my heart gets to be with me in that moment.
Past dreams I can recall is to work in an animal conservation to save our critically endangered eagles, or be an environmentalist or an archaeologist.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I don't want to get stuck doing something that doesn't allow for or catalyze personal growth. I can do away with routine out of responsibility, but it might drive me nuts in long term. I'd rather stay asleep or laze whole day than doing something I know isn't getting me anywhere, when I feel like there isn't something new to learn about. It's very difficult to get me to move until I feel there's something meaningful ahead (I'd usually feel something).
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
I prefer to be alone most of the time and I don't crave for attention (I hope people don't remember my birthday so I don't have to fake it and interact with others) but I'm afraid of feeling abandoned, be made to feel worthless and unneeded. The concept of death don't scare me but the uncertainty aspect of it gives me nightmares. The worst I have ever thought of as an after death situation is an eternal mindless chaos, randomly shifting distorted images, devoid of form, sense, reason or meaning.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want to be seen as great at something I do. I want to be seen as a respectable person, yet someone they can open up to. I don't wanna be seen as an idiot or dumb.
I see myself as an embodiment of contradictions and ironies. Sometimes I feel like I'm more intelligent than most others around me, but other times I feel so dumb that it takes time for me to get something so simple or obvious.
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel at my best when I do something that makes me happy and when that happiness resonates with others; when I would look for validation and I get to feel the warmth of being understood and affirmed.
I feel at worst when I am misunderstood, rejected, and when others devalue my feelings, my ideas. When people are unwilling to look at the nuances that would otherwise convey an even more important message instead of just taking things at face value. It also makes me feel os bad when I show kindness but I get treated badly.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
a) I feel it intensely; my speech gets distorted, tears gushing and I tremble and shake. I can be violent, explosive but that would have to be in the most extreme situations, I usually bottle up my anger. I get consumed by vengeful thoughts. In my mind, I'd imagine of torturing those who have hurt me, who did me injustice. The thoughts look so grotesque and gory that I even start feeling guilty of having such thoughts.
b) shame is just as worse as anger. Past embarrassing moments (even petty ones like slipping on floor in public) keep replaying in my mind even if they happened years ago. This is one of my struggles right now.
c) anxiety seems to amplify my pessimism and vice versa. I generally may look pessimistic just because I anticipate the worst so I can mitigate its damage in advance, plan of ways that would reduce its negative impact or emotionally brace myself up for something that might be painful or frustrating.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
a) under stress, I become irritable and even more depressed. When overwhelmed with tasks, I can get really cranky and can snap at anyone easily. I tend to overthink a lot when I'm stressed, and it does more bad than good.
b) I don't really mind changes a lot UNLESS if it affects my sense of comfort, or if it asks me to move places, etc. I would need some time to condition my mind until I feel 'ready' to move or head out.
c) I can be argumentative at times, but when it becomes too personal abd the other person resorts to insults, I block them to avoid further wasting time. I'd still feel pissed off afterwards, brooding and I'd be finding some sort of channel to vent it out or at least dissipate the anger or heaviness in my chest. (Sometimes rants to someone who had nothing to do with it, feels better to get things off my chest)
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
a) I'm not bothered by authority. If it doesn't cause me harm or doesn't force me to be someone I'm not, I can follow rules though not consistently. An authority figure gives me an excuse to avoid potentially stressful situations like leadership (which I love and hate at the same time, and to which people 'naturally' expects of me or runs to me for)
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
I'm fairly hopeful of humanity. I feel like we can still do something to make it less harsher. Humanity still has a few billion years to improve, to evolve and transcend. Or those few billion years seems a lot and humanity might undo itself before then.
Even if I feel like we're like dusts compared to the great unknown that is the universe, I think we're here for a reason. We exist for a reason. We exist to look for that reason.
--------
Comment on your relationship with trust.
I'm generally trusting, though I don't yield fully and [in real time] stay alert to signs that would make me skeptical of motives and intentions. I'm usually able to tell if something feels so off anyway.
List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
a) like about myself: imaginative, deep thinker, open, accepting, can be warm, listener, romantic, intelligent, insightful
b) dislike about myself: overthinking, anxious, overemotional, romanticize suicide, dumb, clumsy, naive, takes too long to get jokes or doesn't at all, keep beating myself over past embarrassing moments, kept feeling childhood guilt (treated animals poorly), cries easily to anything that makes me emotional, stubborn, fickle, have to condition self before feeling ready to head out or do something I don't usually do, hates being pressured to make quick decisions, indecisive, easily distracted (ADD)
What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
Hardly anyone is truly objective. Most of the things they say is heavily influenced/limited by the things they know or what's important to them. The predictability feels boring, unexciting and mundane.
What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?
a) a rich inner world that I can be myself in, where I can find comfort, where I can despair and indulge in pain till it feels good
b) I just want to be happy
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
First thought, I'm not really sure. I just want to be happy doing something meaningful. I have this seemingly unquenchable thirst for knowing more about myself and why am I here, why do I feel like I'm here for a reason. Each day feels like another chance to rediscover myself, to redefine who I am. I'm hopelessly unsatisfied of how I can't seem to fully understand the meaning of my existence.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm depressed that I haven't really spent time figuring out what I want to accomplish. Though, I have this dream of traveling. Maybe I'll find the answers along the way. I just want to get on a road trip, stand by the edge of a cliff and feel the breeze; see the sky ablaze on a sunset. Feel the chill of a foggy morning on a gray day. Sit on top of my car stargazing, I wish someone who lives in my heart gets to be with me in that moment.
Past dreams I can recall is to work in an animal conservation to save our critically endangered eagles, or be an environmentalist or an archaeologist.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I don't want to get stuck doing something that doesn't allow for or catalyze personal growth. I can do away with routine out of responsibility, but it might drive me nuts in long term. I'd rather stay asleep or laze whole day than doing something I know isn't getting me anywhere, when I feel like there isn't something new to learn about. It's very difficult to get me to move until I feel there's something meaningful ahead (I'd usually feel something).
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
I prefer to be alone most of the time and I don't crave for attention (I hope people don't remember my birthday so I don't have to fake it and interact with others) but I'm afraid of feeling abandoned, be made to feel worthless and unneeded. The concept of death don't scare me but the uncertainty aspect of it gives me nightmares. The worst I have ever thought of as an after death situation is an eternal mindless chaos, randomly shifting distorted images, devoid of form, sense, reason or meaning.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want to be seen as great at something I do. I want to be seen as a respectable person, yet someone they can open up to. I don't wanna be seen as an idiot or dumb.
I see myself as an embodiment of contradictions and ironies. Sometimes I feel like I'm more intelligent than most others around me, but other times I feel so dumb that it takes time for me to get something so simple or obvious.
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel at my best when I do something that makes me happy and when that happiness resonates with others; when I would look for validation and I get to feel the warmth of being understood and affirmed.
I feel at worst when I am misunderstood, rejected, and when others devalue my feelings, my ideas. When people are unwilling to look at the nuances that would otherwise convey an even more important message instead of just taking things at face value. It also makes me feel os bad when I show kindness but I get treated badly.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
a) I feel it intensely; my speech gets distorted, tears gushing and I tremble and shake. I can be violent, explosive but that would have to be in the most extreme situations, I usually bottle up my anger. I get consumed by vengeful thoughts. In my mind, I'd imagine of torturing those who have hurt me, who did me injustice. The thoughts look so grotesque and gory that I even start feeling guilty of having such thoughts.
b) shame is just as worse as anger. Past embarrassing moments (even petty ones like slipping on floor in public) keep replaying in my mind even if they happened years ago. This is one of my struggles right now.
c) anxiety seems to amplify my pessimism and vice versa. I generally may look pessimistic just because I anticipate the worst so I can mitigate its damage in advance, plan of ways that would reduce its negative impact or emotionally brace myself up for something that might be painful or frustrating.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
a) under stress, I become irritable and even more depressed. When overwhelmed with tasks, I can get really cranky and can snap at anyone easily. I tend to overthink a lot when I'm stressed, and it does more bad than good.
b) I don't really mind changes a lot UNLESS if it affects my sense of comfort, or if it asks me to move places, etc. I would need some time to condition my mind until I feel 'ready' to move or head out.
c) I can be argumentative at times, but when it becomes too personal abd the other person resorts to insults, I block them to avoid further wasting time. I'd still feel pissed off afterwards, brooding and I'd be finding some sort of channel to vent it out or at least dissipate the anger or heaviness in my chest. (Sometimes rants to someone who had nothing to do with it, feels better to get things off my chest)
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
a) I'm not bothered by authority. If it doesn't cause me harm or doesn't force me to be someone I'm not, I can follow rules though not consistently. An authority figure gives me an excuse to avoid potentially stressful situations like leadership (which I love and hate at the same time, and to which people 'naturally' expects of me or runs to me for)
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
I'm fairly hopeful of humanity. I feel like we can still do something to make it less harsher. Humanity still has a few billion years to improve, to evolve and transcend. Or those few billion years seems a lot and humanity might undo itself before then.
Even if I feel like we're like dusts compared to the great unknown that is the universe, I think we're here for a reason. We exist for a reason. We exist to look for that reason.
--------
Comment on your relationship with trust.
I'm generally trusting, though I don't yield fully and [in real time] stay alert to signs that would make me skeptical of motives and intentions. I'm usually able to tell if something feels so off anyway.
List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
a) like about myself: imaginative, deep thinker, open, accepting, can be warm, listener, romantic, intelligent, insightful
b) dislike about myself: overthinking, anxious, overemotional, romanticize suicide, dumb, clumsy, naive, takes too long to get jokes or doesn't at all, keep beating myself over past embarrassing moments, kept feeling childhood guilt (treated animals poorly), cries easily to anything that makes me emotional, stubborn, fickle, have to condition self before feeling ready to head out or do something I don't usually do, hates being pressured to make quick decisions, indecisive, easily distracted (ADD)
What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
Hardly anyone is truly objective. Most of the things they say is heavily influenced/limited by the things they know or what's important to them. The predictability feels boring, unexciting and mundane.
What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?
a) a rich inner world that I can be myself in, where I can find comfort, where I can despair and indulge in pain till it feels good
b) I just want to be happy