• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INTP] INTPs and narcissism

dippy

New member
Joined
Feb 4, 2017
Messages
10
MBTI Type
INFJ
Hey yall, INFJ here.

Recently was dating an INTP until I realised that he was an narcissist (plus he admitted it). Is this a thing with INTPs? I mean I've heard that INFJs and INTPs are apaz the 'golden match', but INFJs aren't fond of narcissists (at least from my view).

Dippy
 

senza tema

nunc rosa cras fex
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
2,432
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
471
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Ascribing a personality disorder to a whole MBTI type is very likely misguided.
 

dippy

New member
Joined
Feb 4, 2017
Messages
10
MBTI Type
INFJ
Just a thought really, want to see what other INTPs have to say about it
 

Lexicon

Temporal Mechanic
Staff member
Joined
Sep 28, 2008
Messages
12,342
MBTI Type
JINX
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Hey yall, INFJ here.

Recently was dating an INTP until I realised that he was an narcissist (plus he admitted it). Is this a thing with INTPs? I mean I've heard that INFJs and INTPs are apaz the 'golden match', but INFJs aren't fond of narcissists (at least from my view).

Dippy

Some of the most kindhearted, insightful people I've known were INTPs.
Armchair diagnoses are dangerous and unproductive. Guy you dated may very well be a narcissist, but neither of you have the qualifications to make that call.

And type has precious little to do with mental illnesses/personality disorders of any sort. Correlation does not imply causation. These things may manifest externally in subtly different ways based on someone's temperament, but at the end of the day, there's no evidence to suggest that one has anything to do with the other. Assume otherwise, and you'll miss out on potentially fulfilling bonds with INTPs you may encounter in the future. But ey, more friends for me, then. :D


In short, all that can really be surmised is that you probably dated an emotionally stunted asshole of some kind - clinical terminology aside. Don't keep trying to categorize. Learn from it - try to identify toxic behavior patterns before you become emotionally invested - and move forward with your life.

Good luck :hug:
 

anticlimatic

Permabanned
Joined
Oct 17, 2013
Messages
3,299
MBTI Type
INTP
I've been called a narcissist. I don't think I am one. I think Ti-domness just lends itself to a certain detachment from corporeal reality that can appear self-centered (even to the individual). In reality I think it's only as self-centered as anyone else, since all individual thought is specifically of the singular self. I don't think I am the center of the universe. In fact, other than protecting my body for obvious reasons, I feel like I barely show up on my own radar.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,882
It's interesting that you bring this up, because just the other day a man I know told me that he is not only an INTP, but also a sociopath. Yes, this came up in casual conversation as if we were discussing the weather. I got to thinking about the functions and the Ti-dom definitely made sense to me as many functioning sociopaths are very intelligent and seemingly introverted as they hide themselves from the world in a masked fashion. At first though, I couldn't understand Fe being a function for him at all since he doesn't relate to the feelings of others, but then I juxtaposed that with Fi and it makes total sense because Fi is all about morals and what is right and wrong to an individual. Sociopaths naturally lack a moral compass, so Fi wouldn't even be a thing for them. But Fe on the other hand, even if it is learned would be necessary for a functioning sociopath and is something that they use regularly, albeit in a manipulative and weak fashion, but it is there. I haven't given much thought to Ni vs Ne, but I would have figured Se to be of more importance to a sociopath because of it's likelihood vs Si to seek out thrilling experiences so that throws me off a bit, but it makes sense that he would be perceiving over judging as he likes to live for the moment by his own admission.

Side note: Given my understanding of and fascination with sociopathy, I wasn't frightened in the slightest by him admitting this to me. Rather, it just piqued my curiosities. I'm looking forward to speaking with him more as I think it's a rare opportunity, and I'm in no danger given the situation and the fact that I am not naive to the charm and manipulative nature of such folks.
 

Abendrot

one way trip
Joined
Sep 2, 2016
Messages
600
MBTI Type
IntJ
Enneagram
85X
Instinctual Variant
sx
Hey yall, INFJ here.

Recently was dating an INTP until I realised that he was an narcissist (plus he admitted it). Is this a thing with INTPs? I mean I've heard that INFJs and INTPs are apaz the 'golden match', but INFJs aren't fond of narcissists (at least from my view).

Dippy

According to CelebrityTypes.com, INTJs are the personality type most likely to be narcissistic. I have no idea why.
 

Abendrot

one way trip
Joined
Sep 2, 2016
Messages
600
MBTI Type
IntJ
Enneagram
85X
Instinctual Variant
sx
It's interesting that you bring this up, because just the other day a man I know told me that he is not only an INTP, but also a sociopath. Yes, this came up in casual conversation as if we were discussing the weather. I got to thinking about the functions and the Ti-dom definitely made sense to me as many functioning sociopaths are very intelligent and seemingly introverted as they hide themselves from the world in a masked fashion. At first though, I couldn't understand Fe being a function for him at all since he doesn't relate to the feelings of others, but then I juxtaposed that with Fi and it makes total sense because Fi is all about morals and what is right and wrong to an individual. Sociopaths naturally lack a moral compass, so Fi wouldn't even be a thing for them. But Fe on the other hand, even if it is learned would be necessary for a functioning sociopath and is something that they use regularly, albeit in a manipulative and weak fashion, but it is there. I haven't given much thought to Ni vs Ne, but I would have figured Se to be of more importance to a sociopath because of it's likelihood vs Si to seek out thrilling experiences so that throws me off a bit, but it makes sense that he would be perceiving over judging as he likes to live for the moment by his own admission.

Side note: Given my understanding of and fascination with sociopathy, I wasn't frightened in the slightest by him admitting this to me. Rather, it just piqued my curiosities. I'm looking forward to speaking with him more as I think it's a rare opportunity, and I'm in no danger given the situation and the fact that I am not naive to the charm and manipulative nature of such folks.

Fe has always struck me as somewhat sociopathic, especially when lower on the functional stack.
Getting back to narcissism though, I don't think Fe and Fi would be differentiated in a person with NPD. This is because the boundary between the self and others is blurred due to an underdeveloped theory of mind.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,882
Fe has always struck me as somewhat sociopathic, especially when lower on the functional stack.
Getting back to narcissism though, I don't think Fe and Fi would be differentiated in a person with NPD. This is because the boundary between the self and others is blurred due to an underdeveloped theory of mind.

My ex-husband is probably NPD (I really only say "probably" so I don't get shit from people for trying to diagnose him), and he has the weakest sense of self imaginable. I totally understand what you are saying. I have not really been able to type him because his behavior is so disordered and inconsistent. I guess if I had to pick Fi or Fe though for him, I would hands down pick Fi because he is SO concerned with his version of "right" and "wrong" and what he deserves as opposed to what is appropriate for those around him. He would put his own needs before the needs of our children, make excuses for it that make perfect sense to him, and never be aware that he is doing the wrong thing because in his mind he's right.

Ugh. I wanna throat punch him now just talking about him.
 

Abendrot

one way trip
Joined
Sep 2, 2016
Messages
600
MBTI Type
IntJ
Enneagram
85X
Instinctual Variant
sx
My ex-husband is probably NPD (I really only say "probably" so I don't get shit from people for trying to diagnose him), and he has the weakest sense of self imaginable. I totally understand what you are saying. I have not really been able to type him because his behavior is so disordered and inconsistent. I guess if I had to pick Fi or Fe though for him, I would hands down pick Fi because he is SO concerned with his version of "right" and "wrong" and what he deserves as opposed to what is appropriate for those around him. He would put his own needs before the needs of our children, make excuses for it that make perfect sense to him, and never be aware that he is doing the wrong thing because in his mind he's right.

Ugh. I wanna throat punch him now just talking about him.

He sounds like a piece of work. I don't understand how you ended up marrying him in the first place. Anyhow, I'm not sure if it really is closer to Fi than Fe. My stepmother probably has NPD, and it's very interesting how she thinks. In her case it's not so much that she is concerned with her version of right and wrong; rather, she thinks that what makes her happy makes everyone else happy and what upsets her upsets everyone else. She reacts in a very Fe "social norm policing" manner to something that upsets her in a self-centric Fi way. It has the worst aspects of both Fi and Fe.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,882
He sounds like a piece of work. I don't understand how you ended up marrying him in the first place. Anyhow, I'm not sure if it really is closer to Fi than Fe. My stepmother probably has NPD, and it's very interesting how she thinks. In her case it's not so much that she is concerned with her version of right and wrong; rather, she thinks that what makes her happy makes everyone else happy and what upsets her upsets everyone else. She reacts in a very Fe "social norm policing" manner to something that upsets her in a self-centric Fi way. It has the worst aspects of both Fi and Fe.

I got pregnant less than 3 months into dating him. He proposed after we accidentally got pregnant with our 2nd child 1 1/2 years later.

I highly recommend birth control, kids. Hormones and new relationship butterflies LIE TO YOU.
 

geedoenfj

The more you know..
Joined
Oct 6, 2015
Messages
3,347
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
My INFP sister used to be in a relationship with unhealthy INTP, I insisted that she leaves him even though I know they were in love with each other, this makes me (The bad guy) and I don't care, I am very protective of those I care about, they were angry at me but you know what? She thanked me so much afterwards, she ended up with her ISTJ husband and they love each other so much..
He was narcissistic and always playing the role of victim, others are ALWAYS unfair to him..
 
Last edited:

Julius_Van_Der_Beak

Up the Wolves
Joined
Jul 24, 2008
Messages
19,657
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Just a thought really, want to see what other INTPs have to say about it

I'm not sure what in particular you want us to talk about. I do know INTPs that have an approach to life that's too one-sided can be very difficult to deal with, regardless of age. (I like to think I'm better, but who knows. ;))

I will say that whenever I hear someone talk about how bad past relationships were, there's a part of me that is very skeptical. This might make me look like an asshole, and if you feel this way about my response, feel free to think that. It's just that, unless something truly horrendous happened, like rape or domestic abuse (and these things are not often talked about for reasons that definitely make sense to me, so for all I know they could apply in this situation), I always have an awareness that I'm only hearing one side of the story. I don't know what else happened. Of course if a relationship ended badly, there's often a tendency to think the worst of the other person. But is that always true? I have to wonder. I've been guilty of it myself until I've stepped back and tried to look at things objectively, and then realized that I wasn't perfect in that situation, either. I get the feeling most people don't get that far (but maybe I'm wrong).

I think when two people are at odds with each other and I only hear one side of it, that naturally causes me to think that I don't have the whole picture. I've gotten into disputes with people, for instance, where the temptation to make myself the victim and the other person the villain is quite strong, if I'm being honest with myself, I have to admit that I did things that made the situation get worse instead of better. That doesn't necessarily mean I suddenly have positive feelings about the other person, but at the very least that awareness can give me an understanding of how to avoid those situations in the future, even if I don't become best friends with the other.
 

Litsnob

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2016
Messages
301
I was previously married to a guy who if not a full on narcissist with NPD definitely had narcissistic tendencies. It seemed to be his coping method to blame others and particularly me. This was not immediately apparent in him ( for those of you who will ask why marry him ) but was something that developed as he grew unhappier with his life. I do not know what MBTI he is but doubt INTP.

I am now in a relationship with an INTP and he is not even remotely a narcissist. He is very sweet, kind, supportive and giving.
 
Last edited:

chubber

failed poetry slam career
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
4,413
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
ESTP would be the narcissists and ENTP would be compensatory narcissism, so him being INTP and narcissistic wouldn't be correct. And it would be ENTPs and INFJs are the "golden match". They are that way because they are complete opposites. Both trying to teach each other an alternative way of life. Supposedly "correcting" each other by trying to understand each other. But my opinion of it is BS. because they will always disagree. Stress will be high, if you want peace, go for the ESTP.

If you want to blame INTPs for something then it would be for solitary.

  • Individuals with the Solitary personality style have small need of companionship and are most comfortable alone.
  • They are self-contained and do not require interaction with others in order to enjoy their experiences or to get on in life.
  • Solitary men and women are even-tempered, calm, dispassionate, unsentimental, and unflappable.
  • They display an apparent indifference to pain and pleasure.
  • They are not driven by sexual needs. They enjoy sex but will not suffer in its absence.
  • They are unswayed by either praise or criticism and can confidently come to terms with their own behavior.

So my question is, does an INTP sound that bad? No, so are you dealing with an INTP, who knows? :shrug:

Maybe your definition of narcissism needs to be defined and updated. And what [MENTION=31348]RareBird[/MENTION] described sounds like compensatory narcissistic.
 

Abendrot

one way trip
Joined
Sep 2, 2016
Messages
600
MBTI Type
IntJ
Enneagram
85X
Instinctual Variant
sx
I got pregnant less than 3 months into dating him. He proposed after we accidentally got pregnant with our 2nd child 1 1/2 years later.

I highly recommend birth control, kids. Hormones and new relationship butterflies LIE TO YOU.

Dang. I imagine there's one very pissed off father involved in all this. What about those two kids? Are you a single mother? It's a pretty personal question. You don't have to answer.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,882
Dang. I imagine there's one very pissed off father involved in all this. What about those two kids? Are you a single mother? It's a pretty personal question. You don't have to answer.

Why would he be pissed off? I'm confused.

Yes, I'm a single mom. We are now divorced and he is a narcissistic lunatic that still harasses me on occasion to this day.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,882
[MENTION=29457]Abendrot[/MENTION] - Wait... were you under the impression that I was secretly not using birth control? That was not the case. He knew I wasn't on BC and we just acted VERY stupidly in those first couple months. The second child was a one time "in the heat of the moment" sorta thing.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,882
And what [MENTION=31348]RareBird[/MENTION] described sounds like compensatory narcissistic.

Yes, absolutely. He is a very weak, insecure little man but lack the awareness of self to realize what is wrong with him, even though I told him, lol. Denial is strong in these types.
 

Abendrot

one way trip
Joined
Sep 2, 2016
Messages
600
MBTI Type
IntJ
Enneagram
85X
Instinctual Variant
sx
Why would he be pissed off? I'm confused.

Yes, I'm a single mom. We are now divorced and he is a narcissistic lunatic that still harasses me on occasion to this day.

I meant your father. You know, the whole out of wedlock children, followed by a marriage and a divorce.
 
Top