In other words, I hear INFJs talk about if the offending party has changed they'd reconsider. But I don't hear anything about the INFJ re-examining their reasoning. This seems to be the last resort for a lot of INFJs. Which perhaps gives them their continuity, but it does so at the expense of re-evaluating their reasoning.
There are some things posted recently that I may or may not get back to- but I want to hit this quickly. I can't speak for others- but I
live in a perpetual state of re-examining my reasoning. No one hears about it because it's all internal, it's incredibly difficult to extravert more often than not- so I usually only share that which I've put a great deal of thought into. If I'm sharing my reasoning, it usually means I've
already re-examined the shit out of it. And while it's true it doesn't change easily- there's very little of my reasoning that doesn't remain subject to change with the right information.
I prove myself an idiot everyday. If I didn't regularly re-evaluate my reasoning... well, it would be ugly. At what point does an INFJ say, "Oh shit, I screwed up royally."
This is a serious and humble question.
Again- just speaking for myself- I say it pretty much every time I screw up royally.
It's occurred to me before, when reading this thread, that a lot of the INFJs responding within this thread seem to fall in the more responsible or mature category- and as a result, it may seem like "INFJs" are not owning up to how the doorslam can negatively affect others. I'm not going to deny that some INFJs are too prideful, insecure and/or immature to clear up misunderstandings responsibly, and will hurt someone else's feelings before taking the chance of making themselves look bad. Every type has its bad apples. Thing is- those aren't the INFJs' answers anyone is going to find here because, well, the ones who behave that way aren't going to be willing to either look at it or be upfront about it.
I've known a couple of them. One of them was in the habit of changing her phone number about once a year, precisely because doorslamming and avoidant behavior was her primary way of coping with conflict. Also: you'll never find her posting her experiences in an INFJ doorslam thread because she'll never be willing to look so directly at how a coping mechanism she's become dependant on
actually affects other people.
So yeah- they're out there- some immature INFJs who might benefit from figuring out some of the pitfalls esoteric has described in this thread. Are they going to show up and start yelling TESTIMONY!, having seen the light from esoteric's posts? No. Because they have to
want to stop first- you can't take away someone's primary coping mechanism by simply objectively pointing out what it is.
So anyway, this is why this thread mostly has INFJs claiming the more necessary and justified doorslam here- the ones who do it without putting
a *lot* of thought into it just won't be posting here.