hybrid_rainbow
New member
- Joined
- May 4, 2010
- Messages
- 14
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
Hi all,
This is my first post in this forum and I'm sort of new to this whole typology business, so please excuse any naive questions and improper use of terminology. What drove me this forum and to post is this current problem I'm having with my ISTJ boyfriend, which I'm beginning to realize is a disguised version of the same problem I've always had in serious, long-term relationships. That is, at some point (survey says 1.5 years into the relationship) I start to question whether I can see myself with this guy for the long haul. I start to see notice "missing qualities"...qualities I would love to have in a guy/relationship. For this particular ISTJ guy, it's a lack of creative passion and romance. (For the previous guy, it was a lack of ambition to make the world a better place, but that's a different story).
Now, part of me realizes it's ridiculous to think that any guy could have ALL the qualities I'm looking for. But another part of apparently me won't accept that. Is this the INFJ idealism kicking in? I'm terrified that there's always going to be some "missing quality" and I'm always going to feel like I'm settling and thusly never be completely happy.
I'm an engineering grad student (pretty bizarre path for an INFJ I suppose) so most of the people I've been talking to have been rational types, and they keep talking about how I have to (in a very rational manner) decide which qualities I have to have and which qualities I can afford to let go. Afford to let go? This is the big L we're talking about here! This is forever! Why do they make this sound like buying a car?
So I'm curious to hear opinions from other NF idealists. How do you avoid the feeling of "settling" for something less than ideal?
This is my first post in this forum and I'm sort of new to this whole typology business, so please excuse any naive questions and improper use of terminology. What drove me this forum and to post is this current problem I'm having with my ISTJ boyfriend, which I'm beginning to realize is a disguised version of the same problem I've always had in serious, long-term relationships. That is, at some point (survey says 1.5 years into the relationship) I start to question whether I can see myself with this guy for the long haul. I start to see notice "missing qualities"...qualities I would love to have in a guy/relationship. For this particular ISTJ guy, it's a lack of creative passion and romance. (For the previous guy, it was a lack of ambition to make the world a better place, but that's a different story).
Now, part of me realizes it's ridiculous to think that any guy could have ALL the qualities I'm looking for. But another part of apparently me won't accept that. Is this the INFJ idealism kicking in? I'm terrified that there's always going to be some "missing quality" and I'm always going to feel like I'm settling and thusly never be completely happy.
I'm an engineering grad student (pretty bizarre path for an INFJ I suppose) so most of the people I've been talking to have been rational types, and they keep talking about how I have to (in a very rational manner) decide which qualities I have to have and which qualities I can afford to let go. Afford to let go? This is the big L we're talking about here! This is forever! Why do they make this sound like buying a car?
So I'm curious to hear opinions from other NF idealists. How do you avoid the feeling of "settling" for something less than ideal?