I consider 'offend' and 'hurt' to be synonyms, both literally and emotionally. At the very least, offense is the fist step towards hurt. Offense is the perception, hurt is the reaction. I'm not quite sure how you can be hurt without being offended in some way, although I can understand being offended without being hurt. For example, if someone makes a disparaging racial comment I can be offended, but I'm not personally hurt because the comment doesn't necessarily apply to me. If someone does or says something personally hurtful to me, I can be both offended and hurt, but I'm rarely hurt without being offended. That particular combination is intertwined.
This is weird for me Pro. For anything offensive I dont feel hurt-at all. But I feel Te kick in very strongly to right the wrong. It doesnt hurt my feelings or engage Fi at all.
Offense is the perception, slight anger and/or direct action is the reaction.
Check this out.
http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...006-intj-intelligent-myth-70.html#post1109759
Yeah I might have had PMS a bit yesterday... (Sorry SW...) SW’s comment prompted an immediate WTF did you just say response? It personally offended me, silly though it seems. But no hurt at all. I plopped down my comment, internally rolled my eyes, and then went meh, whatever and promptly forgot the whole thing. The comment was representative of a very interesting INTJ-ENTP dynamic, was noted as such mentally and then dismissed in annoyance.
In a larger scale? In defense of others, no pain, no hurt, only a winding of the Te dynamo to focus the emo energy (anger?) into a defense solution to correct the situation. No emo needs to be present, once the gears click into place, after an offense. It’s more like my internal dragon sits up, takes notice, and then constructs a concerted, crystalline, response.
RE the ENTP thing: How hurtful can what some stranger on the internet says about you possibly be? They know nothing about your personally or individually so how do you allow yourself to be hurt in that way? Or maybe you did put yourself out there personally or individually, whereas I would not chum the water with my emotions like that so there's less of a chance for offense or hurt or whatever it is. Or there was an attack on an image, which some felt it was necessary to defend. ?
So hurt-
Remember I am a total nutcase and am a weird enfp. I am growing backwards from the direction of the other enfps-so it’s an insightful if warped perspective. If you manage to emotionally hurt me, I appear to have a complete emotional breakdown. Go team Ne!
Hurt can only happen a few ways. Given the Te walls of steel, I have to have made an emotional overture, a sincere offer to carry you emotionally as part of myself for you to hurt me. (Maybe other enfps do this much more readily so are more easily hurt?) I would go far as to suggest there may be some weird internalization of the other person-making “them” part of our internal self definition-Fi ruleset? (Fucking crazy I know).
Ways to profoundly hurt me:
1. Reject that emotional offering-ie my Fi attempt to connect with you. It is like losing a limb. This is where my IRL entps will hurt me, as they will Fe-withdraw if I get emo-thus it feels like rejection of my Fi. I offered my emotions-you rejected them. (ENFPs seem to sometimes carry a sense they are internally flawed-I think it has to do with the risk of these emotions/connections not being acceptable to others.)
2. Attack the authenticity of the emotional offering. I HAVE NO IDEA why this hurts so much. To have me show you emotions openly, and then have the truth of those emotions questioned-is agony. I don’t know why. To ever imply the emotional offering is manipulative. Agony. To imply I would use it as a tool. Agony. I don’t understand where this response comes from at all. It is so visceral, so guttural. So ingrained. Why is it okay for an ENFJ or INFJ to say they use others emotions to manipulate but if an ENFP says anything like that it seems so WRONG. There is some deep shit wrapped up in the *authenticity* of Fi. This is what the ENTPs set off in the threads-they question the sincerity, authenticity, manipulative goals. When they call Fi selfish0they are indirectly saying it is insincere and is not actually authentic in its emotional offering? You will see hurt-Te funneled bitchslap anger response almost instinctually.
I have had a few pokes of this sort form the ENTPs, but since I mostly live in Te, I quell the innate emotional response, step back and try and gather more data about why they are perceiving what they perceive. But the other enfps-they were already interacting openly via Fi, they lack my Te walls-thus I don’t think they have that same option. Instead you see instinctual defense reactions.
In the same light-using NeTe together allows me to dissect people and see patterns most people dont. I can use this information strategically. Yet if I try and do so I am left feeling *dirty*. It feels very wrong to even understand these patterns, let alone use them. I am still thinking through this.
Lot of stuff to figure out here though, so this is all very fuzzy still. Very, very weird.
And once again, I'm still baffled by the fixation on hurt and pain. What if you want to connect to a person who for the most part has a clean bill of psychological and emotional health? What if they're not bleeding pain and anguish all over the place? Certainly if you can be physically healthy, you can be emotionally healthy. What do you do with people like that?
I personally feel the happiness of others very strongly-not just pain. I will almost always sacrifice for myself in order to make others happier. Another perspective-check out the enfp responses on the jeolousy thread. We all kinda say the same thing. Let that shit go and be happy for the other person. Genuinely happy. Our only other option is to carry anger and pain, thus activating the Te call to action, which will result in cycles of anger-hurting others-guilt-pain. We seem to know in advance, somewhat instinctually, how unproductive that is. So instead I choose to feel the happiness of the other and be content in that peace and beauty. But it has to be real, honest, authentic happiness which totally wipes out the negativity, hurt and anger. I really have to be happy for them to feel happy myself. Then it is real.
(Can I get an emoticon for crazy?)