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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    I alluded to a lot of background processing. But tell me, ultimately are you not a man of action? What is an Se user without an action, as swift or delayed as it may be?
    They are actions, not words... was more my point, but yes I am a man of action

    When I'm interested in someone they know

    Also to the OP sorry I made some assumptions, but from what I know of myself and maybe other ISTPs is that friends are primarily people we do activities with or talk face to face with

    Not to say the texting couldn't work but could he have been putting that extra effort in because he was interested at some point?

    The alternative scenario that he only ever wanted friendship I call BS on with the making out, unless you were just completely coming on to him and thought it was going both ways but wasn't

    After some thinking about this my conclusion is that he isn't interested romantically and thinks that friendship wont work (for what reason I am unsure)

  2. #52
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    I'm more than pretty sure he was interested in you.

    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    i think (based on numerous convos with my husband--haha i can put one in the torture chair and force him to divulge his secrets!! buahahahahah) your guy found you to be a challenge from the time you turned the initial romantic feelings into a friendship. from the beginning. i think his constant texts and communications were to get you. i know it sounds completely unbelievable and manipulative, but young, or self-centered or *insert adjective* istps have been known to do worse for a piece of ass. it might not have been completely done consciously either.
    I agree, if I'm really interested in a girl I will definitely keep trying to communicate even if there are difficulties in the way, because you never know how a situation might turn out and what opportunities might open up, y'know? It's not always conscious for me, either.

    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    i've learned from my hubby that there is no such thing as friends of the opposite sex. all women are seen as potential sex partners. this may not be how all istps are, of course, but mine is a pretty typical, hot, smart, manly man version. mine says, "i don't need any girl 'friends', i have guys for that, what i need is more (you know)" his answer when questionned about his female friends on facebook, is that they have 'friended' him, and that guys have girls on their page, or in general, because of 'scatter theory', which is at it sounds. you befriend lots of chicks in the hopes that one turns into a fuck. i know. he sounds horrible, and i can't really believe i hear him right when he says this stuff, because it's so offensive to my nf sensibility. but he's really just being honest.
    Now I don't know about that, I'm an ESTP so there might be a difference there but there are alot of girls who are just my friends and won't ever be anything more. But that's not, of course, to say that I don't have a repertoire of potential mates out there.
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  3. #53
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Man. I'm beginning to think I need to go kick this guy in the face (Sorry, Coeur ). He just does not know what he wants. I know this feeling--I deal with it frequently--but I also do my best to keep people out of my fleeting whims. This guy doesn't even make an effort: He does what he thinks is a good idea in the moment, and throws future consequences to the wind... and thus hurting you and his girlfriend (I doubt she knows, but he still was not including her in that equation when he kissed you.)

    This guy is a wreck. Any ISTP that claims to be "manipulative" is almost always a wreck. Just like everyone else, we have the ability to manipulate, but I haven't talked to one that -chooses- to manipulate... much less claim to be manipulative (we usually pride ourselves on NOT being manipulative, and letting people be). If it were at all possible, I'd steer clear of him. If that's too hard to do, than set up your boundaries. We do our best not to cross boundaries, because we don't want ours crossed. Show confidence when you do this... try your best to give off a "don't fuck with me" vibe. If an INFP did this to me, I'd be quite taken aback. They're so sweet, normally... did I really just screw up so bad that I made them thoroughly pissed at me?!

    RogueAgent and iamathousandapples were spot on when they said you need to back off... the only time I would treat anyone like that is if I felt cornered, and I will lash out. But when you back off, it may confuse him (this is a good thing. He probably needs it). He may start second-guessing himself wondering if he went too far and feeling guilty about what he might have done to you. It'll take a while, but he will probably send you a random text when he's thinking about something you guys bond over. In this way, he's trying to act like nothing happened between y'all and wants to see if you'll play the game. Do... but once y'all reconnect for a while, lay down those ground rules. Try not to do it out of no where though... he'll bite. Maybe do it when he wants to go hang out... be like "Hang out, huh? Honestly, I don't think that's such a great idea just yet." The key is to look for cues to bring things into topic. When people bring stuff up that I don't want to talk about out of no where, I shut down. I keep thinking they were were trying the whole time to fit that into the conversation and trap me again. Discussing feelings and emotions make us feel very uncomfortable.

    Anyways, undeveloped ISTPs like this guy are tricky little things. It's going to require a -lot- of patience on your end to patch up this relationship. But if it's worth it, I hope it works out

    Edit: Apologies for sounding violent. I have a tendency to do this without thinking when I hear about situations like this
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

  4. #54
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    I figured he may have just had an honest moment if he said he was manipulative, arrogant and self-centered. I didn't think he'd be dumb enough to say it in a boastful way. Just like admitting that he can be manipulative sometimes.

    Regardless, that's a very good point. If he's claimed to be manipulative then this whole thing was definitely not good.

    I just have to say it's a good thing you're trying to be friends with him at a distance at this point. You did good by asking other people to give you advice. I know it's hard as an Idealist not to have an idealized view of other people, so asking others for insight is probably your best tactic.
    -stellar renegade
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  5. #55
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    like dealing with two separate people
    Indeed. Mine did drugs like you wouldn't believe. He was split down the middle -- the tense, freaked-out, hunted animal and this impossibly kind, sweet, funny guy. We had a mutual friend who was a mess 90% of the time, and he was always so sweet to her. And then there was the savage lost boy self-medicating himself into oblivion.


    what doesn't kill us..........
    ....makes us stark raving mad.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    When I'm interested in someone they know
    Thank you. This is what I was driving at.


    Quote Originally Posted by StephMC939 View Post
    Man. I'm beginning to think I need to go kick this guy in the face (Sorry, Coeur ).
    I would pay good money to see Steph pounce on someone. I've never seen an ISTP girl commence to wailin'.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  6. #56
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Especially Steph, I would scalp a few heads to see that.
    -stellar renegade
    coo-oo-ooool this madness down,
    stop it right on tiiiiime!


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  7. #57
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I have only one ISTP female friend and one ISTP aunt. I never got to see either of them lay anyone off. I feel my life is less vibrant because of it somehow.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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  8. #58
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Ah... it's not all that uncommon (for me at least). Just provide the whiskey, and heads will roll.... although originally it was supposed to be playful. Rawr!
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by StephMC939 View Post
    Ah... it's not all that uncommon (for me at least). Just provide the whiskey, and heads will roll.... although originally it was supposed to be playful. Rawr!
    Giggidy.





    Just kidding....




    ...but seriously
    “My generation's apathy. I'm disgusted with it. I'm disgusted with my own apathy too, for being spineless and not always standing up against racism, sexism and all those other -isms the counterculture has been whinning about for years.” -Kurt Cobain

  10. #60
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StephMC939 View Post
    Man. I'm beginning to think I need to go kick this guy in the face (Sorry, Coeur ).
    Sounds good to me!

    This guy is a wreck. Any ISTP that claims to be "manipulative" is almost always a wreck.
    He claims to be a lot of things. He says that he's an awful person. In his exact words: um ya; im a dick- im very cynical and look out for numero uno- ethical egoist and objectivist - i am very distrustful and hate ppl before i like them; i dont think trusting should be the status quo...im misogynistic, womanizing, racist, intolerant, full of myself, never wrong, manipulative, and pretty much a "bad" person...

    I figured he may have just had an honest moment if he said he was manipulative, arrogant and self-centered. I didn't think he'd be dumb enough to say it in a boastful way. Just like admitting that he can be manipulative sometimes.

    Regardless, that's a very good point. If he's claimed to be manipulative then this whole thing was definitely not good.

    I just have to say it's a good thing you're trying to be friends with him at a distance at this point. You did good by asking other people to give you advice. I know it's hard as an Idealist not to have an idealized view of other people, so asking others for insight is probably your best tactic.
    Idealism is a problem for me. Whenever he told me: "I'm a jerk" I would say: "no you're not. You can be a jerk, but you're not bad to the core." I honestly don't think he is, but that doesn't change the fact that he's treating me poorly.

    The alternative scenario that he only ever wanted friendship I call BS on with the making out, unless you were just completely coming on to him and thought it was going both ways but wasn't
    Nuh uh. He made it clear he wanted to and he was into it at the time. I don't come on strong at all.

    It'll take a while, but he will probably send you a random text when he's thinking about something you guys bond over. In this way, he's trying to act like nothing happened between y'all and wants to see if you'll play the game.
    That sounds like something he would do. >_>

    Show confidence when you do this... try your best to give off a "don't fuck with me" vibe. If an INFP did this to me, I'd be quite taken aback. They're so sweet, normally... did I really just screw up so bad that I made them thoroughly pissed at me?!
    That sounds like a likely scenario. I just don't want that reaction to tick him off...

    Do. but once y'all reconnect for a while, lay down those ground rules. Try not to do it out of no where though... he'll bite. Maybe do it when he wants to go hang out... be like "Hang out, huh? Honestly, I don't think that's such a great idea just yet."
    I'm not going to see him for awhile, because he's still out of state... he might come back for Christmas.
    Everybody needs love.

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