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  1. #1
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    Default INTJ: trying to understand my ISTJ friend

    We are both 17, male, at the same school.

    Just for context: About a year ago i told him that i liked him as more than a friend, knowing he was straight. This is the scariest, most personal thing i have ever told anybody. It made things a bit rough for a while because i said some stupid things and my emotions got the better of me, but we got over it and he became my best friend, the person i could tell anything. I am very introverted and only have a couple of close friends, he is the only person i feel comfortable expressing my emotions to. I don't think it has much to do with this though, he says it doesn't bother him and it was a long time ago.

    For some time now, more than 2 months, ive noticed that he hardly ever talks to me in comparison to his other friends, and he looks more comfortable with them. Maybe this is just because they are more extroverted? We used to talk on IM very often, but that has basically stopped, maybe just because i stopped starting the convo. He never initiates contact/conversation with me unless its something essential and he never really tells me anything of any importance to him, which makes me think he doesn't want to talk to me. It really feels like he is always ignoring me.

    I told him it seemed like we weren't close anymore/that we hardly talk, and he told me:
    its not that i dont think of you as a friend, its just that at school, conversations dont go anywhere. that and i want other people to recognise me as a friend as well. and for that, i need to talk to others/be in conversations.
    i think ive lost some my patience as well. meaning i get bored of conversations where nothings happening quicker/easier.
    ive also kinda stopped talking to 'x'. makes me . but its coz i find it even harder to keep conversation with him than i do with you. whenever he talks to me, he starts with something that is really strange and hard to follow. idk if he does that to everyone though.
    and for the record, i still regard you as one of my best friends.
    So he's saying he puts time into talking to other people so they recognise him as a friend... but im too boring to deserve that?
    And im the next 'x'?

    His behaviour leads me to think that im just a distant friend/acquaintance to him, but yet he says that im one of his best friends... confusing.

    It is extremely unusual for me to care about a friendship this much, romantic feelings just really screw me up. Damn Fi! :steam:
    Maybe im just expecting too much...

    My apologies for polluting the forum with my teen crap

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glass Forest View Post
    We are both 17, male, at the same school.

    Just for context: About a year ago i told him that i liked him as more than a friend, knowing he was straight. This is the scariest, most personal thing i have ever told anybody. It made things a bit rough for a while because i said some stupid things and my emotions got the better of me, but we got over it and he became my best friend, the person i could tell anything. I am very introverted and only have a couple of close friends, he is the only person i feel comfortable expressing my emotions to. I don't think it has much to do with this though, he says it doesn't bother him and it was a long time ago.

    For some time now, more than 2 months, ive noticed that he hardly ever talks to me in comparison to his other friends, and he looks more comfortable with them. Maybe this is just because they are more extroverted? We used to talk on IM very often, but that has basically stopped, maybe just because i stopped starting the convo. He never initiates contact/conversation with me unless its something essential and he never really tells me anything of any importance to him, which makes me think he doesn't want to talk to me. It really feels like he is always ignoring me.

    I told him it seemed like we weren't close anymore/that we hardly talk, and he told me:

    So he's saying he puts time into talking to other people so they recognise him as a friend... but im too boring to deserve that?
    And im the next 'x'?

    His behaviour leads me to think that im just a distant friend/acquaintance to him, but yet he says that im one of his best friends... confusing.

    It is extremely unusual for me to care about a friendship this much, romantic feelings just really screw me up. Damn Fi! :steam:
    Maybe im just expecting too much...

    My apologies for polluting the forum with my teen crap
    Is it possible that he is uncomfortable having a male friend who has romantic feelings for him?

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fecal McAngry View Post
    Is it possible that he is uncomfortable having a male friend who has romantic feelings for him?
    I don't think so, everything was good for a few months after telling him.

  4. #4
    Junior Member Leanne_92's Avatar
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    I am puzzled why he chose to involve "x" in the conversation. Was this person someone you two were talking about?

    To me, his response affirms that you two are still best friends, but doesn't promise that anything will change, and even calls you boring... I should probably leave it to the ISTJs to decode this but it sounds rather offensive/confusing to me. I think you're brave for telling him how you feel though.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    The NFs really should stop complicating things. If he told you you are his best friend, you are his best friend, no ifs, buts or unlesses. Anything that an ISTJ explicitly says can be considered final.

    The more likely scenario is that he is trying to branch out and so he needed help from those "friends." ISTJs are goal oriented and will likely spend time and energy on those. If you want more interactions you'll just have to initiate them yourself. Also, you shouldn't assume anything. Everything an S does should be taken at face value unless explicitly instructed otherwise.
    Check out my blog: http://OrnateRitual.com

  6. #6
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    If both of you are the awkward, non-talkative type of introvert, then he could definitely want to keep your friendship going, but not really know how. Many of my friendships seem to fall victim to this syndrome. Between me and an ISTP, we were both upset by the distance growing, but didn't really know what to do to fix it.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Bri's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heinel View Post
    The NFs really should stop complicating things. If he told you you are his best friend, you are his best friend, no ifs, buts or unlesses. Anything that an ISTJ explicitly says can be considered final.
    Unless the ISTJ is saying something that is only semi-true in an effort to avoid conflict. My ISTJ brother is very good at saying what people want to hear in order to keep the peace. He finds drama very uncomfortable and will do a lot to avoid it. For example, the guy the OP quotes says "one of my best friends" which is actually somewhat vague.

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