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  1. #21
    Member sophiedoph's Avatar
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    And what about when there are others who are affected by these decisions who really want something too?

    See, I have no other job opportunities here. I have some options in other parts of our state, but he won't move unless I am going to receive a significantly higher salary. I'm in poverty law. The salary ain't gonna change and I ain't gonna change my area of law.

    He hates his job. He hates this area. I have other options elsewhere. He still won't move. LOL.
    Hugs,

    Jen
    ~~~~~~~~
    "We must apply our humble efforts to build a more just and humane world. I want to affirm emphatically: such a world is possible. To create this new society we must reach out our hands, without hatred and rancour, for reconciliation and peace, with unfaltering determination in the defense of truth and justice. We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow we must open our hands."

    ~Adolfo Esquivel

  2. #22
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    I say go ahead and move. Ne types are adaptable and usually easy-going. One of the reasons I might delay a decision or just not want to make it at all, is because really, I don't care either way. I'll go with the flow. If it was me and you just said right, well I've decided and we're moving, end of, then I might flap a bit at first but I'd soon resign to it and in fact, even get excited about it pretty quickly.

    Can't be sure about an INTP though... but in general I'd say in a situation like that it's one of those times when you have to do the 'tell it like it is' thing. You say to him 'Look, fact is, I can't go on living like this, I refuse to go on living like this. I have an opportunity to improve things and I'm blowed if I'm gonna let it slip by. So, you do as you please, I'm moving. I'd love you to come too and I'm sure you won't regret it. C'mon, let's go."

    Might be some initial bitching, but show him you mean business and I'm sure the Ne will break through the Ti knee-jerks eventually.
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  3. #23
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    I think being logical should be the priority. With any NT types.

    "You and I both hate it here why are we still here?"

    Lay out the facts, every reason why you want to move, every reason why he should move. Then at the end after the "whys" lay down the "I wants".

    If he brings up the money. Make sure you carefully count the numbers, if the numbers won't allow you to move - then I'd advise you not to move lol.
    Which reminds me, can you two afford it? I'm a little hazy about that topic.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
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  4. #24
    Member sophiedoph's Avatar
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    I think we will be able to afford it by next summer. We are currently paying everything off so that we will be in a good position to save for a house.

    We have had the lay out the facts discussion on numerous occasions. He has to feel it in his gut that we should leave.

    I do think that the deadline idea would work.
    Hugs,

    Jen
    ~~~~~~~~
    "We must apply our humble efforts to build a more just and humane world. I want to affirm emphatically: such a world is possible. To create this new society we must reach out our hands, without hatred and rancour, for reconciliation and peace, with unfaltering determination in the defense of truth and justice. We know we cannot plant seeds with closed fists. To sow we must open our hands."

    ~Adolfo Esquivel

  5. #25
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    'Look, fact is, I can't go on living like this, I refuse to go on living like this. I have an opportunity to improve things and I'm blowed if I'm gonna let it slip by. So, you do as you please, I'm moving. I'd love you to come too and I'm sure you won't regret it. C'mon, let's go."
    This is what I would do. I wouldn't try to push him, definitely not on minor things or issues that won't affect you, but I wouldn't let myself be taken hostage by his difficulties with closure either.

  6. #26
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I'm ENTJ, and I'd never be like that. I change a lot the "minor" decisions that only involve myself (when to do something during the day), but I never change my mind when I make a major decision, unless something very big happens.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

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