Elektralite
New member
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2015
- Messages
- 6
- MBTI Type
- INFP
I'm an INFP who sometimes types as an INTP - my Fi is strong, though, and I think my age and profession (academic) have fine-tuned my logical side. I'm interested in an INTP, and I think he's interested in me, but I'd appreciate an INTP take on his behaviour before I attempt to take it any further. If we remain friends, that's fine, because I enjoy his company and the way his mind works, and he's also a great professional contact. But I would also enjoy exploring a more intimate relationship with him, if he were so inclined.
There is a not-insignificant age gap between us - he's probably 15 or 20 years older than me. Our relationship is further complicated by the fact that he was my PhD supervisor. I was pretty crazy about him then, but I knew nothing could happen because a teacher/student relationship would have been a breach of his professional ethics. He was always extremely kind and supportive, and generous with his time and feedback.
After I submitted my dissertation and passed, he asked me out to cocktails and dinner - but I was under the impression at the time that this was something he did for all his PhD students. Now - five years later! - I'm wondering whether that was *strictly* the truth (at least, the cocktails side of it. I can't imagine him plying any of the middle-aged male candidates he had at the time with whisky sours). At the time, I was involved in a relationship and so again, nothing could have happened between me and Dr. INTP.
Five years on, I work at a different university and have been very happily single for several years. A few weeks back, on a whim, I dropped in to see if he might be in his office, and to say hi. He was there, and very happy to see me, but in the middle of uploading final grades, so I suggested we have coffee to catch up and he enthusiastically agreed.
Since July 1st we've had coffee once and lunch three times, each time lasting about two hours. He seems to enjoy himself? I figure he wouldn't keep suggesting or agreeing to meet again if he didn't. He goes out of his way to make me laugh, teases me, and usually insists on paying, or at least doesn't want me to pay for him. He picks up on my moods - for example, "You seem much more relaxed than last time I saw you." This was true. The time before I'd been (irrationally) worried that he'd never want to see me again. He seemed pleased that he had picked that up. I am very reserved and internally-focused so it can be difficult for others to discern my mood (thanks Fi!).
Other stuff he's said that made me wonder, because they seem like the kind of details he might not usually notice. And he always sounds faintly surprised when he says them:
"That's a nice dress - the colours suit you."
"That's a nice handbag."
"I remember you as a redhead, but you're naturally a brunette, aren't you?"
At times he goes into long monologues about his latest passion, which is fine by me, because I always learn something new when I'm with him. Once when he fell into one of these monologues, he was a little embarrassed and said, "If we're going to continue these lunches, you'll have to stop me from lecturing you on my obscure interests." I told him that in fact I liked it, which was true. Last time we had lunch he used the phrase, "If we're going to pursue this friendship, you might have to put up with my complaints about insomnia." So I'm not sure if he sees it as only a friendship.
Last time he walked me all the way back to my car with an umbrella in case it rained (it was a grey day and I was unprepared).
He kisses me on the cheek every time we say goodbye.
Soooooooo, I just want to know if I'm reading too much into this, or if it sounds like he might be into me.
Thanks in advance, and sorry that this is so long.
There is a not-insignificant age gap between us - he's probably 15 or 20 years older than me. Our relationship is further complicated by the fact that he was my PhD supervisor. I was pretty crazy about him then, but I knew nothing could happen because a teacher/student relationship would have been a breach of his professional ethics. He was always extremely kind and supportive, and generous with his time and feedback.
After I submitted my dissertation and passed, he asked me out to cocktails and dinner - but I was under the impression at the time that this was something he did for all his PhD students. Now - five years later! - I'm wondering whether that was *strictly* the truth (at least, the cocktails side of it. I can't imagine him plying any of the middle-aged male candidates he had at the time with whisky sours). At the time, I was involved in a relationship and so again, nothing could have happened between me and Dr. INTP.
Five years on, I work at a different university and have been very happily single for several years. A few weeks back, on a whim, I dropped in to see if he might be in his office, and to say hi. He was there, and very happy to see me, but in the middle of uploading final grades, so I suggested we have coffee to catch up and he enthusiastically agreed.
Since July 1st we've had coffee once and lunch three times, each time lasting about two hours. He seems to enjoy himself? I figure he wouldn't keep suggesting or agreeing to meet again if he didn't. He goes out of his way to make me laugh, teases me, and usually insists on paying, or at least doesn't want me to pay for him. He picks up on my moods - for example, "You seem much more relaxed than last time I saw you." This was true. The time before I'd been (irrationally) worried that he'd never want to see me again. He seemed pleased that he had picked that up. I am very reserved and internally-focused so it can be difficult for others to discern my mood (thanks Fi!).
Other stuff he's said that made me wonder, because they seem like the kind of details he might not usually notice. And he always sounds faintly surprised when he says them:
"That's a nice dress - the colours suit you."
"That's a nice handbag."
"I remember you as a redhead, but you're naturally a brunette, aren't you?"
At times he goes into long monologues about his latest passion, which is fine by me, because I always learn something new when I'm with him. Once when he fell into one of these monologues, he was a little embarrassed and said, "If we're going to continue these lunches, you'll have to stop me from lecturing you on my obscure interests." I told him that in fact I liked it, which was true. Last time we had lunch he used the phrase, "If we're going to pursue this friendship, you might have to put up with my complaints about insomnia." So I'm not sure if he sees it as only a friendship.
Last time he walked me all the way back to my car with an umbrella in case it rained (it was a grey day and I was unprepared).
He kisses me on the cheek every time we say goodbye.
Soooooooo, I just want to know if I'm reading too much into this, or if it sounds like he might be into me.
Thanks in advance, and sorry that this is so long.