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Thread: Ask an INTJ

  1. #231
    Member Gengar's Avatar
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    okay since we're on the topic of relationships with INTJs. . . might as well chip in for questions.

    Needless to say any further, I am another sensitive INFP who's fallen for a strongass INTJ. She's very strong especially on the I T and J. Less so for N.

    We're approaching our graduation ball, and I think she's off to the UK or staying in Hong Kong for university. I am staying in Hong Kong for university.

    So INTJ women/men, put yourself in her shoes for a moment and if someone relatively close to you said this to you during the graduation ball how would you react? Her name in this case is Gillian.

    <Normally before graduation ball, there is time for people to take photos and generally chit chat. This is when I approach her wherever she is.>

    "Hey Gillian!" <her response should be 'hey'> "Can you come with me somewhere more private for about a minute? I have something to ask you about unis and the future."

    <Ideally, we can find somewhere private and nice to sit down>

    "Okay so, don't freak out now. <without stopping for any pause> wo dui ni yau gan jue <Chinese for 'I have feelings for you'>"

    <At this point, she'll either freak out and leave or she'll stay and listen. Given that she stays and listens for a bit longer>

    "I'm telling you this now because I want to be genuine and honest with you. I don't want us to dissolve into nothing and never breathe a word to one another ever again after this ball. I am pretty sure that with our introverted personalities, we'll lose contact as soon as you're in the UK, and I didn't want that to happen without you knowing this single piece of information. <pause for a bit, but not long, In a very soft tone now> Sometimes I wish that I could help you a bit more. Like maths for example. You always needed help for it, but I was never able to give any. For any of your other subjects, it was probably I who needed the help more than you did! <smile slightly. Pace a bit faster now> But perhaps that's exactly the reason why I enjoy your company. <short pause awaiting her response. If she has no response. . .> "I know we won't have much chance being together, we have, afterall, only a few months left. What do you think/how do you feel (not sure which one)? I've always wanted to hear your thoughts."

    <end>


    So, given that we're quite good friends, how would you react? Any room for improvements?

  2. #232
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
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    Too complicated. You'll never pull it off. Plus, your a P. What are you doing planning something?
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
    - Costrin

  3. #233
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gengar View Post
    [...]
    I'm not clear about your present relationship with this girl so it's hard to tell if it is a good thing to say or not. Can you explain more about how "good of friends" you are.

    I mean have you gotten any signals?

    Quote Originally Posted by Costrin View Post
    Too complicated. You'll never pull it off. Plus, your a P. What are you doing planning something?
    Don't be an ass.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  4. #234
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    Don't be an ass.
    Sorry, that wasn't my intention. Though I was serious in that I do think it is overly structured and complicated. I suggest simplifying it quite a bit.
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
    - Costrin

  5. #235
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    I agree that it could be a little more simpler. But on the other hand this sort of situation is pretty hard to simplify if you want to cover all the bases.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  6. #236
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    As an INTJ female, I'd say that was over-the-top complicated. I'd much prefer a "Hey, I'm interested in you. Where do we stand?"

  7. #237
    Member Gengar's Avatar
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    Default Thank you. . .

    Yeah. . .I suppose it does seem quite waffly. Probably don't want to bog her down with too many emotions.

    The thing is, she's very very introverted. And i didn't want to come off too straightforward incase she (a) put me in the same category as the other rude guys (b) gets scared and is lost for words

    Also, I thought it might have been better since I didn't want to appear insincere.

    But yes, I think a bit less words would do quite well.

    @ Digital - At the moment, we stand pretty much as high school friends. By friend I don't mean like one of those friends you say hi but never talk to ever again. I mean friend as in 'someone you actually like/respect'. We never call one another. Never have any 'deep' conversations. Never do sport with one another. etc. But when we do sit with one another and start talking, our conversations are generally nice and uplifting. Mostly about work though (since that's pretty much where we both focus).

    @ Costrin - Thanks for the advice. . .and I do think that Ps are quite good at planning. In fact, Ps sometimes make better planners because they'll probably have thought of certain outcomes that the Js haven't considered, thus meaning that they won't be surprised. Even if surprised, they can spontaneously react - win win situation.

  8. #238
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gengar View Post
    @ Costrin - Thanks for the advice. . .and I do think that Ps are quite good at planning. In fact, Ps sometimes make better planners because they'll probably have thought of certain outcomes that the Js haven't considered, thus meaning that they won't be surprised. Even if surprised, they can spontaneously react - win win situation.
    Indeed. I suggest making full use of your ability to improvise here.
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
    - Costrin

  9. #239
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gengar View Post
    okay since we're on the topic of relationships with INTJs. . . might as well chip in for questions.
    It looks a bit as if you're talking to a child/scared animal. *soft tone* *smile slightly*...seriously? Assertively stand up for your own feelings and assume that she should be able to stand up for hers.

  10. #240
    Member Gengar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    It looks a bit as if you're talking to a child/scared animal. *soft tone* *smile slightly*...seriously?
    Afterall, I am Asian Everyone's scared of us nowadays.

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