User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 24

  1. #1
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,422

    Default Need some advice on 'unhealthy' ENTP brother.

    Okay, I'm starting to get a little bit concerned, because I work with my brother daily, and lately his health has started to physically decline from his bad habits. And he's stubborn as a mule so no one, not even an INTP like me, seems to be able to reach him.

    I thought he would work things out if things get to bad, but clearly that's not going to happen.

    For years he has had terrible sleeping patterns, rarily eats anything before 6pm, and only little for dinner, he can be quite stressed out and depressed quite a lot. But he is also extremely stubborn. Lately, like the past few weeks, his health has been in steady decline, the symptoms are worsening, seems to have a low tolerance and weak immune system, just barely did we manage to force him to go to the hospital to check up on the pain he had in his intestines, which is likely to be kidney stones or a liver problem.

    He doesn't drink anymore, much like me. Perhaps he should though, but anyways. I am stubborn too and can't boast living an extemely healthy lifestyle myself, but when I start to notice I feel weaker, or sickly, I adjust my diet and lifestyle accordingly in order to battle that. Plus, I haven't been ill (apart from some minor ailments) for like 12 years now, so I must be doing something right.. But more and more, he just seems to want to feel sick.

    I, and others around him, have tried reasoning with him. Ignoring him. Calling him out on his behaviour. But nothing seems to reach him. It's like he is completely closed off to other peoples influence.

    Now I'm not exactly the most caring person when it comes to my brother as he is doing this to himself. And if he wants to kill himself, he can go ahead and do it. But I don't think that is his intention at all, but effectively that is what he is doing. although very slowly.

    He seems to be addicted to (ibuprofen) painkillers. 5 to 6 400mg pills before his first meal every day seems to be the norm.

    His girlfriend (INFJ) is suffering quite a bit because of it too, and although I've told her she should cut her losses and leave him, as I too feel sorry for her situation, she seems unable to do so.



    Anyone, ENTP's or otherwise, have experience with people or have been in similar situations themselves that have any advice on how we can deal with his issues?


    His job isn't even very stressful. He drops in at work at around 10am, drinks coffee until 11, handles some emails and phonecalls, takes a break from 12pm to 1pm, does some administration work, procrastinates some more with as excuse to be talking to co-workers, does some more email work, bitches at some people for not doing the things he has on his mind at his personal whim, has a moment of clarity where he suddenly appears normal and kind, although not talking about anything work related. Hangs around a bit and goes home at 6pm. That;s all he needs to do. But lately, he has been procrastinating at work to the point of sticking in the office until late like 10/11pm, probably to avoid going home, claiming to be extremely busy. But yesterday when he was going to the hospital, I did his job and finished it in like 3 hours and had plenty of time to focus on my own things as well. And coming off stressed more often, bitching more often. Although everyday he still has that moment where he is suddenly perfectly normal for a short period of time. Like nothing has happened.


    He's basicly House, but without the genius. :P
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  2. #2
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    How old is he, Fluffy?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  3. #3
    Senior Member Circle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    116

    Default

    Perhaps you could write a note that you're concerned. But, otherwise, you might consider letting go of the need to make sure he's better. If you embody healthy behavior yourself, then you at least can be this change that you would like to see in your brother. Fundamentally, you probably cannot make someone take care of themselves and even if you could, should that be your responsibility? But, you can avoid being hurt by the decisions of others by letting go of the need make sure they're okay.

    Your brother is responsible for him as you are for you. One person's well-meaning concern is another person's meddling.

    Good luck to you and your brother. I trust that things will improve for you.

  4. #4
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,422

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    How old is he, Fluffy?
    30.

    Quote Originally Posted by Circle View Post
    Perhaps you could write a note that you're concerned. But, otherwise, you should let go of the need to make sure he's better. If you embody healthy behavior yourself, then you at least can be this change that you would like to see in your brother. Fundamentally, you cannot make someone take care of themselves. But, you can avoid being hurt by the decisions of others by letting go of the need make sure they're okay.

    Your brother is responsible for him as you are for you. One person's well-meaning concern is another person's meddling.

    Good luck to you and your brother. I trust that things will improve for you.
    That may be true and well and I would love to agree with you on that (in fact, in most situations I would). But working together in a family company, there are interests that require this to be solved, or at the very least controlled. It has now gone past the point where I believe a sane person would realize things really need to change. And still he keeps on stubbornly declining. There will come a point where I will have to put an end to it, and that may result in serious change for us both. And quite frankly, I quite like my position as it is at the moment.

    Not to mention his relationship probably bearing the brunt of his self-destructive nature.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  5. #5
    Senior Member Circle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    116

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    That may be true and well and I would love to agree with you on that (in fact, in most situations I would). But working together in a family company, there are interests that require this to be solved, or at the very least controlled. Not to mention his relationship probably bearing the brunt of his self-destructive nature.
    That is an interesting wrinkle. I wonder if there is a structure in your family business wherein this problem could be brought to all parties involved in the business and discussed openly and without judgment. It might be as simple as getting the other members of the company management involved and discussing a need for a discussion with your brother. The discussion could be based simply on your concerns. As long as you keep it to your concerns, then you avoid the potential of blaming or controlling. Your brother may have some insights for you. Perhaps it would be helpful to engage a profession third party.

    His relationship is probably none of your business and if it were me I would avoid getting involved in that aspect of it. Scrupulously recognizing boundaries may be helpful here.

  6. #6
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,422

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Circle View Post
    That is an interesting wrinkle. I wonder if there is a structure in your family business wherein this problem could be brought to all parties involved in the business and discussed openly and without judgment. It might be as simple as getting the other members of the company management involved and discussing a need for a discussion with your brother. The discussion could be based simply on your concerns. As long as you keep it to your concerns, then you avoid the potential of blaming or controlling. Your brother may have some insights for you.

    His relationship is probably none of your business and if it were me I would avoid getting involved in that aspect of it. Scrupulously recognizing boundaries may be helpful here.
    All parties being my father, brother and me.

    He avoids all discussions regarding the issue, shrugging it off everytime. Explaining there is nothing wrong. Even though five minutes later he'll complain of stomach pains or headaches or whatever ailment he can think up at the time that he feels he hasn't overused too much recently. I fear the next discussion will have to be one of termination.

    As for his relationship, his girlfriend is often found at my sisters or parents place, crying her heart out. She calls out to us, I would not dare meddle in his relationship, in fact I couldn't care less, but if his girlfriend ask me that she doesn't know what to do anymore, I will tell her she should dump him and get on with it. I don't see that as meddling.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  7. #7
    Senior Member Circle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    116

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    All parties being my father, brother and me.

    He avoids all discussions regarding the issue, shrugging it off everytime. Explaining there is nothing wrong. Even though five minutes later he'll complain of stomach pains or headaches or whatever ailment he can think up at the time that he feels he hasn't overused too much recently. I fear the next discussion will have to be one of termination.

    As for his relationship, his girlfriend is often found at my sisters or parents place, crying her heart out. She calls out to us, I would not dare meddle in his relationship, in fact I couldn't care less, but if his girlfriend ask me that she doesn't know what to do anymore, I will tell her she should dump him and get on with it.
    That's a pity. If his conduct is interfering with the business, then perhaps more serious consequences are in order. I don't envy your position. But, I find that getting some distance from family, especially in the workplace, can actually improve relationships and health. I would have trouble working with my family. Termination may not be as bad as all that, is all I am saying.

    Your brother's girlfriend is bringing you into things by asking for advice. I have no advice. But, I do know that for me I never want to get involved or in the middle of what is happening with another couple. It is a perilous prospect.

  8. #8
    WALMART
    Guest

    Default

    Let him die.


    That's what I'd want, lol.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Circle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    116

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jontherobot View Post
    Let him die.


    That's what I'd want, lol.
    That makes me want to hug you, my friend.

  10. #10
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,422

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Circle View Post
    That's a pity. If his conduct is interfering with the business, then perhaps more serious consequences are in order. I don't envy your position. But, I find that getting some distance from family, especially in the workplace, can actually improve relationships and health. I would have trouble working with my family. Termination may not be as bad as all that, is all I am saying.

    Your brother's girlfriend is bringing you into things by asking for advice. I have no advice. But, I do know that for me I never want to get involved or in the middle of what is happening with another couple. It is a perilous prospect.
    Creating distance isn't a problem for me and I don't mind taking on his workload either for a time. I would lie if this doesn't somewhat stress me out, but still only a little. I can handle him and take on his workload whenever needed without feeling stressed about it, that's not the issue. But I do have to trust him to do his job proper when he does work. And right now, he just isn't reliable. And the solution seems so simple to me. Force yourself to eat some breakfast, do a little bit of sports, eat some fruit and sleep 6 hours a day consistently and get out of bed in time And stop swallowing ibuprofen like they're m&m's.. If he would do just that, I bet it would probably solve the whole issue. It seems just sad that it has to break on something so stupid.

    But I am at a loss on how to convince him of this. As I said, I've said it and others as well, plenty of times to his face. all of these points. But he knows 'better'.

    Let him die.


    That's what I'd want, lol.
    You want to die? Or you'd want to let him die if he was your brother? Subtle difference. :P
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

Similar Threads

  1. [ENTP] Need some advice about my ENTP brother.
    By Fluffywolf in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 47
    Last Post: 05-28-2011, 06:12 AM
  2. Here We Go Again INTJs, I Need Your Advice on MBTI
    By WithoutaFace in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 02-07-2009, 12:56 AM
  3. [ENFJ] ENFJs, I need some advice please!
    By LindseyLadybug in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 11-10-2008, 11:09 PM
  4. [MBTItm] I need some advice on ENFPs/ENFJs/ESFPs/ESFJs
    By nanashi in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 07-31-2008, 01:58 AM
  5. [MBTItm] I need some advice on ESFPs/ESFJs/ENFPs/ENFJs
    By nanashi in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 07-25-2008, 02:47 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO