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  1. #51
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    You can't control someone else's emotional reaction. All you can do is make your decision and be prepared for the potential consequences.

  2. #52
    Member woolgatherer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    I want to know how can I break up with him cleanly, where it will go like this:

    Me: Luciano, it's over.
    Luciano: OK. Bye!
    Me: Bye!

    And we both skip away in opposite directions, whistling and singing, with me headed toward the horizon.
    That sounds kind of impossible to accomplish in breaking up with any person, but this page is about how to break up with someone based on their temperament:

    Four Ways to Leave Your Lover

    "If your partner is a Rational, they may not even see this coming. Rationals are well known for completely missing hints, suggestions, and even outright statements of dissatisfaction. You will need to be very direct. Keep in mind that this may be the first time your partner has heard you, and they may be willing to do an awful lot to keep you. Communicate as matter-of-factly and unemotionally as you can. You may find your relationship is not completely dead."

    It's nothing really new since everyone seems to already be suggesting directness, but I just like that whole dating section on keirsey.com.
    Introverted (I) 76.67% Extroverted (E) 23.33%
    Intuitive (N) 61.11% Sensing (S) 38.89%
    Feeling (F) 65.52% Thinking (T) 34.48%
    Perceiving (P) 80.65% Judging (J) 19.35%

  3. #53
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    You can't control someone else's emotional reaction. All you can do is make your decision and be prepared for the potential consequences.
    Yes. But you can learn even if it takes your entire life, which may not be so bad because you would have never stopped growing.

    OP: Be honest. You don't have to cut it off. Have you spoken to him directly about how you feel? Have you told him this stuff creeps you out? If he's that crazy about doing everything for you, he might even change– I'm not suggesting a relationship is about changing your partner– maybe the word I was looking for is "improve" (whatever that means).
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

  4. #54
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Man, that guy sounds outright creepy.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  5. #55
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    Yeah, I don't know why my friend keeps bringing up the astrology thing, because I don't put stock into unproven magic/woo-woo pseudoscience.

    I don't think he's actually dangerous, I'm just being dramatic about the chainsaw/MrHeadChopped reference, BUT I don't want to deal with him anymore. Never has he been abusive in the slightest. He's never called me a name, threatened me, touched me in an aggressive way, etc.

    I want to know how can I break up with him cleanly, where it will go like this:

    Me: Luciano, it's over.
    Luciano: OK. Bye!
    Me: Bye!

    And we both skip away in opposite directions, whistling and singing, with me headed toward the horizon.
    Well that type of breaking up has never happened as far as I know....

    You know the guy is nuts for you so you are going to have to set super firm boundaries.

    Tell him he is being claustrophobic and smothering you (or hpwever you want to put it).

    Say that you appreciate that that might be becaused because you just don't feel the same way as he does.
    And that you want to end the relationship

    Tell him you don't think he is a bad person its just his behvaiour has been over the top and overly jelous and possesive which is difficult to live with.

    Tell him that you will leave him to it for 5 days then speak to him in a weeks time but there after there will be no further contact.

    If he is overly persistant and calls/hassles you you will get the autoroties in to resolve that (OK this may be a bit harsh but it will kick him into touch).

    Good luck

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    Me: Luciano, it's over.
    Luciano: OK. Bye!
    Me: Bye!
    Ah, Luciano... That explains everything.

  7. #57
    psicobolche tcda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Weber View Post
    Ah, Luciano... That explains everything.
    an "mr.cockburn" doesn't?
    "Of course we spent our money in the good times. That's what you're supposed to do in good times! You can't save money in the good times. Then they wouldn't be good times, they'd be 'preparation for the bad times' times."

    "Every country in the world owes money. Everyone. So heere's what I dont get: who do they all owe it to, and why don't we just kill the bastard and relax?"

    -Tommy Tiernan, Irish comedian.

  8. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by tcda View Post
    an "mr.cockburn" doesn't?
    But in real life she goes by the innocent name "Alex", so he had no idea what he was getting himself into.

  9. #59
    psicobolche tcda's Avatar
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    ^^^True. If only life were as easy as an MBTI forum eh...
    "Of course we spent our money in the good times. That's what you're supposed to do in good times! You can't save money in the good times. Then they wouldn't be good times, they'd be 'preparation for the bad times' times."

    "Every country in the world owes money. Everyone. So heere's what I dont get: who do they all owe it to, and why don't we just kill the bastard and relax?"

    -Tommy Tiernan, Irish comedian.

  10. #60
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    did you explain exactly how creepy his obsessiveness is to you? If he really does value you on a level above infatuation, he should hopefully realize that he needs to modify his behavior if he wants to keep you around

    However, it doesn't sound like you're trying TOO hard if you left the country for 2 weeks without telling him... I recognize that type of passive agressive behavior... I used to take off on rock climbing road trips without telling my control freak ENFJ ex... and I left my cell phone at home

    This sounds kind of similar to something I'm used to from the past... guy is obsessively controlling, girl pushes boundaries, guy obsesses more, girl taunts more... and that's not a pretty path to go down

    If you want it to work, you've got to talk about it and make him realize that you're NOT happy with the way things are at the moment. It may help. If it doesn't, I'd suggest ditching him and keeping your friends close for a while
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

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