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View Poll Results: INFPs: Which type do you think is your ideal romantic match?

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  • ESTJ

    3 3.85%
  • ISTJ

    0 0%
  • ESTP

    5 6.41%
  • ISTP

    3 3.85%
  • ENTJ

    4 5.13%
  • INTJ

    5 6.41%
  • ENTP

    4 5.13%
  • INTP

    12 15.38%
  • ENFJ

    16 20.51%
  • INFJ

    7 8.97%
  • ENFP

    6 7.69%
  • INFP

    8 10.26%
  • ESFJ

    0 0%
  • ISFJ

    2 2.56%
  • ESFP

    3 3.85%
  • ISFP

    0 0%
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Thread: INFPs: Which type do you think is your ideal romantic match?

  1. #71
    Anew Leaf
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    I've actually given this far too much thought, which means the universe will instead gift me with someone completely different.

    My one main requirement is that the guy be a T. I am F enough for two people and I don't need another F cheering me on to being more emotional. I like the calmness of a T as they naturally make me calmer through sheer empathic osmosisness.

    Ideally, overall I would say an XNTJ. The easiest instinct stacking would be some combination of SX and SP as that is what I am, but they seem to be rare as I always meet heavy SP-dom, sans SX INTJs. And I rarely meet ENTJs. What I appreciate the most is that xNTJs are especially gifted in focus, insights, and problem solving from perspectives that I don't normally consider. There is also an incredibly depth and richness to the loyalty that I have had from these types that is flavored differently than what I have experienced with other types. I think this is due to how selective, INTJs especially, these types can be when considering who is worth their time and energy.

    Honorable mentions:

    xSTPs: Not a bad fit either. I find them to be my true opposites in many ways, but because of this they can complement my weaknesses quite well. Some challenge in getting an ESTP to shut up and an ISTP to speak up, as well.

    XNTPs: These guys are addicting at first but eventually I find the Ne-Ne-ness to become a sticking point. We both want to be funny in the same ways, or we both want to idea generate into nothingness forever... and nothing really gets accomplished. ENTPs are quite awesome though...

    xSTJs: Girl STJs seem to love my Ne-bouncy castle, but the guys I know are never particularly impressed or amused.

  2. #72
    Senior Member Array Wolfie's Avatar
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    I would say a T. Haven't learned enough to say which exactly. Another introvert, most likely.
    ( . )( . )

  3. #73
    Junior Member Array totalbrit's Avatar
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    I picked ENTP but ENTJ is a close 2nd But then again I don't really care its just on the whole ENTx's have this sort of amazing attitude *sigh* xD

  4. #74
    Warflower Array Nijntje's Avatar
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    Can i say anyone who isn't an asshole? All types can be assholes.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  5. #75
    Sugar Hiccup Array OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by unityemissions View Post
    I've tried relationships with ENFJs. It starts out feeling magical, but goes sour after a few months....really, really sour. I'm not sure that I want to go through the experience again.

    Pretty sure that what I need is not entirely what I think I want in the moment. I often want someone bubbly, intelligent, nice....like an ENFJ, but have matured over the years to realize that what I really need for a long lasting relationship is someone more grounded in reality, and less emotional than I am.

    I voted for INTJ, but think maybe ENTJ, or XNTP would work as well.
    Are you a 9 perchance? I admit I didn't bother to look....

    I mainly ask because these tend to be the INFPs who are drawn to INTJs (or xxTJs in general) & they always say something just like that... (although how INTJs are more "grounded" is beyond me; an xSTJ, yes...).

    Whereas, being a 4, I don't feel any need to be grounded or less emotional. Several of my exes have said I was less emotional than they were, so that's never been a big issue for me (although I admit I do get tired of playing therapist to emotional men...). I don't know if it's my 5 wing or being very introverted, but my ego is sort of wrapped up in being a rational person who doesn't run on emotion. I think some of it is 1 integration too; as a 4, I'm very aware of how much I don't give into moods & indulge in passions when I could, although it's felt strongly on the inside. Like a 1 & inline with Fi descriptions, others will question the existence of my feelings, so someone who encourages me to be MORE open is better for me.

    In short, I kind of blanche at the idea of someone else "grounding me". It sounds a lot like "I need someone else to think for me", which I know you don't mean, but the connotation is there for me & it ruffles my feathers. I suppose the inferior Te in an INFP can manifest as an annoyance with anyone implying you're not competent or intelligent. I FEEL competent & intelligent though, and I don't see the fact that I'm a dreamer & not very ambitious being at odds with that. I'm reminded of some Fiona Apple song lyrics, which go: "I mean to prove I mean to move in my own way, and say I've been getting along for long before you came into the play" and "If there was a better way to go then it would find me. I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me. Be kind to me or treat me mean; I'll make the most of it - I'm an extraordinary machine."

    So I feel like I have to ground myself or I'll just feel caged & resentful, or like someone doesn't appreciate the method to my madness. I do pretty well with encouraging nudges though, which ENFJs are notorious for giving. I want someone to complement me, not repress me....

    However, I too notice the pattern with ENFJs+INFPs fizzling out... I think sometimes ENFJs go for xxTPs because they are comfortable with (& may even prefer) the non-stop banter & flirtation & never touching on anything significant, especially emotionally. I've realized how impersonal an ENFJ can actually be, and how many want to stay that way. I'm not used to that as an INFP; people usually open up to me faster than I do with them.

    Overall, I lean more towards the J's.

    I need a J to help me keep my future company organized, and help me decide how to set up operations and expand them most effectively.
    This I do relate to, because I've dated Ps & found myself playing the J and resented it. Whenever I've dated Js, their more structured approach in life (if not rigid) can actually allow me to be myself, because someone else is handling the organizing/planning & I just have to show up . (*And of coure I realize the Pe/Je preference differences don't come down to just that, but it does reflect my experience).

    Even my brief experience as a teen working on a creative project with an ENTJ classmate was telling; I had all the ideas, but he made it happen with the planning & the details. To me, that's FANTASTIC. I don't want someone to ground me - I want them to see my vision, believe in it, and then handle a lot of the nitty gritty details that I'm either terrible at doing or can't be bothered with because I'm busy thinking up other ideas.

    The problem with the Ni-dom is they aren't as open to others' ideas. The ENxJs, however, being extroverted, tend to use their "vision" a bit differently, so that they're comfortable with using others' ideas & moving forward with it. So much so that ENFJs can sometimes become too focused on others & forget applying this "skill" to their own lives....
    "Charlotte sometimes dreams a wall around herself. But it's always with love - So much love it looks like everything else. Charlotte Sometimes - So far away, glass sealed and pretty." - The Cure

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx - 451| RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive

  6. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Are you a 9 perchance? I admit I didn't bother to look....

    I mainly ask because these tend to be the INFPs who are drawn to INTJs (or xxTJs in general) & they always say something just like that... (although how INTJs are more "grounded" is beyond me; an xSTJ, yes...)..
    Yeah, I think you nailed it.

    I guess it depends on what is meant by grounded. As a 9 I'm plenty non-emotional. (If we're talking emotional grounding, I don't need that either - I've actually found as a 9 the grounding works both ways, because we're so much more chill, and I don't care what anyone says, TJs of any type are highly emotional creatures.) But as a 9, and specifically as an NP 9, I feel the need for that TJ practicality and energy orientation to movement and accomplishment and organization. That's what I mean when I say grounded. STJs and NTJs are both great for this - they just accomplish it with different mechanisms. STJs... well.... that's self-explanatory. NTJs use their Se and Ni vision.

  7. #77
    Sugar Hiccup Array OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    Yeah, I think you nailed it.

    I guess it depends on what is meant by grounded. As a 9 I'm plenty non-emotional. (If we're talking emotional grounding, I don't need that either - I've actually found as a 9 the grounding works both ways, because we're so much more chill, and I don't care what anyone says, TJs of any type are highly emotional creatures.) But as a 9, and specifically as an NP 9, I feel the need for that TJ practicality and energy orientation to movement and accomplishment and organization. That's what I mean when I say grounded. STJs and NTJs are both great for this - they just accomplish it with different mechanisms. STJs... well.... that's self-explanatory. NTJs use their Se and Ni vision.
    I suppose it's a semantics issue then... because as I noted, I like the "make it happen" aspect of Je types.

    I wondered that about 9s too, because my step-dad is an ISFP e9 and he is, er, quite repressed emotionally in a lot of ways. He's EXTREMELY moody, but it's often subtle & cryptic; just as often, he has that 9 non-reaction going on, where it's seems NOTHING bothers him & you feel like you want to shake him to get him to care & act. I realize that he does care, but the Fi/9 response is to bury it inside & ignore it for awhile. I don't really see him as more/less emotional than me, just perhaps less analytical, but I thought & still think that is a Se/Ne thing.

    I'm not sure if he regards himself as being more/less emotional, but I notice he consults others more for decisions than I do, trusting their reasoning, whereas I make a decision & consult someone for a detailed game plan. Subtle difference, but enough to make me blanche at the idea of wanting someone to be "more rational than me", as if I don't have a well-thought out line of reasoning for just about everything I do. But again, I sometimes wonder if this is just a Ne/Se thing with my step-dad, as I churn ideas out more than he does, which can be a way of "finding reasons".

    Anyhow, I have a feeling the INFPs who are enamored with ENFJs are e4s, because ENFJs tend to be 1w2, 2 & 3s (even 4), and these have obvious connections to e4.

    Whereas xxTJs are often 1w9s, 6s & 8s, and this has obvious connections to e9....

    There's some overlap there too though, of course (& 9s & 4s have that e1 connection too, as INFP e9s often have a 1 wing), but an ENFJ 1w2 would probably be more appealing to an INFP e4 than an ESTJ 1w9, who would probably be more appealing to an INFP e9. Also, INFP e4s tend to like INTP e5s a lot, whereas INFP 9s seem less inclined to like an INTP romantically (unless perhaps they are both 9s?). I have vague impressions of patterns here, but it's not really sorted out just yet....
    "Charlotte sometimes dreams a wall around herself. But it's always with love - So much love it looks like everything else. Charlotte Sometimes - So far away, glass sealed and pretty." - The Cure

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx - 451| RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive

  8. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I don't really see him as more/less emotional than me, just perhaps less analytical, but I thought & still think that is a Se/Ne thing.

    ****

    But again, I sometimes wonder if this is just a Ne/Se thing with my step-dad, as I churn ideas out more than he does, which can be a way of "finding reasons".
    Yeah I agree it is most likely an N/S thing… I know several ISFP 9s and I am way different from them in those areas. Then again, I’m also a 954 tritype, so the secondary 5 drives me to want to know why and analyze, but still, I think that is often one of the biggest differences between S and N modes of being on a vary basic level.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Anyhow, I have a feeling the INFPs who are enamored with ENFJs are e4s, because ENFJs tend to be 1w2, 2 & 3s (even 4), and these have obvious connections to e4.

    Whereas xxTJs are often 1w9s, 6s & 8s, and this has obvious connections to e9....

    There's some overlap there too though, of course (& 9s & 4s have that e1 connection too, as INFP e9s often have a 1 wing), but an ENFJ 1w2 would probably be more appealing to an INFP e4 than an ESTJ 1w9, who would probably be more appealing to an INFP e9. Also, INFP e4s tend to like INTP e5s a lot, whereas INFP 9s seem less inclined to like an INTP romantically (unless perhaps they are both 9s?). I have vague impressions of patterns here, but it's not really sorted out just yet....
    This makes a lot of sense. I could never picture myself with an ENFJ.

    I do find myself quite attracted to 5s, though. And INTPs are the one type that seems to prove the exception to the “no-Fe, no-P” rule.

  9. #79
    lurking Array Rasofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    And INTPs are the one type that seems to prove the exception to the “no-Fe, no-P” rule.
    How does that work?

  10. #80
    The Black Knight Array Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfa View Post
    Don't get me wrong, some of the people I most admire are ENFJs. ^^
    It's okay. It's a lot of F, and Fe can feel like it's sucking all the air out of the room, esp to an Fi user.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

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