User Tag List

First 12

Results 11 to 20 of 20

Thread: This ENFP...

  1. #11
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    5,624

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Spring View Post
    See, that's the thing: I understand that ENFPs get distracted easily. But it seems to me like if you really care... you care! Actions speak louder than words. I've probably been making something out of nothing. This thread was dumb, sorry
    I don't think this thread was dumb. And I don't get the sense that you have been making something out of nothing. All I'm trying to say is...YES! you are right! Actions do speak louder than words (not that I believe we are always interpreting the actions/non verbal communication/etc. the right way though). And I was just trying to get you to consider what type of message your own 'actions' were putting across. It isn't necessarily fair to expect him to be able to interpret your outward behavior as...'you know I think she might like me'.

    I am willing to do MOST of the work in the beginning of a relationship...merely because it is an area where I have some natural strengths. But if the individual seems to be increasingly cold/distant...standoffish...I would probably interpret that as...'alright...this person does not like me at all'...and pull-back.

    I had an INFJ in my life that wasn't the best with trust/disclosure/affection in the beginning...etc. etc. But he did do little things for me all the time. He didn't say much...haha. But he would bring me a coffee (and then run away). Or remind me of something because he knows I'm a total flake (I'm not kidding you). He did like Hux said. He stayed in my line-of-sight and kept me focused.

    I'm sorry if you aren't finding the information here helpful. I did do my best! haha.

  2. #12
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4
    Posts
    10

    Default

    No I found it all helpful, I just don't think I am cut out for this. I don't know why I think I could potentially be with this guy. It obviously wouldn't work. I just got confused by how he has repeatedly made specific commitments to me that he hasn't followed through with. If he just never made those commitments to me it would be a different story and I wouldn't have gotten confused. I see no real reason why he should like me, especially considering how cold I can be, and I know roughly what type of girl he wants and I don't fit that very well. He has just been trying to be nice to me. I need to go back to trying to forget about him.

  3. #13
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    953 sp/so
    Posts
    5,708

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Spring View Post
    He frustrates me a lot but I still think his personality is extremely cute and I can't deny that I am interested in him, although I have tried not to give him any clue of this. What do you guys think about my chances?
    About zero if you keep on trying "not to give him any clue of this."

    Quote Originally Posted by Spring View Post
    No I found it all helpful, I just don't think I am cut out for this. I don't know why I think I could potentially be with this guy. It obviously wouldn't work. I just got confused by how he has repeatedly made specific commitments to me that he hasn't followed through with. If he just never made those commitments to me it would be a different story and I wouldn't have gotten confused. I see no real reason why he should like me, especially considering how cold I can be, and I know roughly what type of girl he wants and I don't fit that very well. He has just been trying to be nice to me. I need to go back to trying to forget about him.
    He didn't "make commitments" as I read it (I might be missing unmentioned details, of course). Rather, it's just that INxJs like you and me interpret commitments where none are intended. Why? Because we would never had said we would do X, and then not do it. We would never express interest in someone unless we were very sure we're interested.

    ENFPs are much more "in the moment" than that. They don't plan or deliberate their interest in others. They are actually interested in everyone, more or less. Even with the people they "don't like", they do their best to get along and make people happy. A lot of the flakiness and lack of commitment that you perceive is that approach is more reactive than proactive. When they're with you, talking with you, they're reacting to you and everything they say and do is about you. When they're with someone else, they're reacting to that person, not you.

    This is not to imply that ENFPs are incapable of commitment: in fact they can be very faithful, and follow through in surprising ways. But they don't usually respond as an INFJ would expect: the patterns that you find work with most people don't work with them, and he is following his own patterns that you don't quite understand. I'm sure he is/was genuinely interested in you as a person, and not merely "just trying to be nice." I suspect, however, that in the case of the two of you, crossed signals are likely. I think you both sensed a connection, but in following through on that connection each of you finds the other reacting in unaccustomed ways.

    My main advice for dealing with ENFPs, from an INxJ perspective, is to accept them as they are, and let them be themselves. Look for the consistencies in their inconsistency (and I don't mean observing that they're consistently inconsistent), and you'll see where their hearts lie. You don't need to forget about him; you just need to let life take its course and see where it leads.
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  4. #14
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    GONE
    Posts
    9,051

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Spring View Post
    No I found it all helpful, I just don't think I am cut out for this. I don't know why I think I could potentially be with this guy. It obviously wouldn't work. I just got confused by how he has repeatedly made specific commitments to me that he hasn't followed through with. If he just never made those commitments to me it would be a different story and I wouldn't have gotten confused. I see no real reason why he should like me, especially considering how cold I can be, and I know roughly what type of girl he wants and I don't fit that very well. He has just been trying to be nice to me. I need to go back to trying to forget about him.
    Don't be so down on yourself! Of course he might be interested in you. I think what the other ENFPs are saying is you have to push him or ask him for a direct sign if you want to move things. The important question is whether you like him. Go for it!
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  5. #15
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    1w9
    Socionics
    infj
    Posts
    27

    Default

    My SO is an ENFP and we are in a serious long distance relationship now. I don't know if my experience will be helpful to you but I want to share it. He is a very nice guy to his female friends and can come off very sweet to them sometimes. One thing is certain though, if an enfp likes you and realizes that he wants to have a relationship with you, he will make it happen no matter what the obstacles are. They don't give up easily. Then if an enfp think you are the one, you will definitely hear it cause they will talk about you to their friends and family. Looking back, all I did at the time when we are not in an official relationship yet was enjoy his company and reveal my true self to him. I did not expect anything and I just enjoyed the friendship.

    My advice for you is to enjoy his company too and just reveal your true self to him without hidden motives and agenda. Then the rest will just come to its place. If he likes you, he will seek your company because he will be happy with you. Meanwhile, just enjoy life, focus on yourself and do the things that you want.

  6. #16
    garbage
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    Being fairly certain of my own ENFP typing I wan't to add a few things, none of it is an absolute however.

    1) It is VERY easy for ENFP's to get caught up in whatever whirlwind of life they happen to be involved with, and sometimes if you are not right there in their path or line of sight it's easy for them to get distracted and set you to the side. It's NOT intentionally rejecting, it's just that most ENFP's have ALOT of life going on around them to engage - HOWEVER

    2) Every time I have met someone that I've genuinely been interested in - I MAKE it happen, unless their is some odd, bizzare circumstance preventing it. I almost always take the initiate regardless of how intimidated or awkard I feel.. I leave the door open. I also re arrange things, schedules, etc. to be available.

    If you wan't to know if your ENFP is really into you, take the initiative yourself, even boldy no matter how unnatural this may be for you.. and see where it goes. If the bait isn't bitten after 2-3 attempts.. I wouldn't say it's impossible but I'd definately be open to other people.

    Meh, maybe it's just me though. I am fairly direct with what interests me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Renn View Post
    My SO is an ENFP and we are in a serious long distance relationship now. I don't know if my experience will be helpful to you but I want to share it. He is a very nice guy to his female friends and can come off very sweet to them sometimes. One thing is certain though, if an enfp likes you and realizes that he wants to have a relationship with you, he will make it happen no matter what the obstacles are. They don't give up easily. Then if an enfp think you are the one, you will definitely hear it cause they will talk about you to their friends and family. Looking back, all I did at the time when we are not in an official relationship yet was enjoy his company and reveal my true self to him. I did not expect anything and I just enjoyed the friendship.

    My advice for you is to enjoy his company too and just reveal your true self to him without hidden motives and agenda. Then the rest will just come to its place. If he likes you, he will seek your company because he will be happy with you. Meanwhile, just enjoy life, focus on yourself and do the things that you want.
    Male ENFP chimin' in. In my shier and less mature days, I would put hints out there but lacked the self-confidence to make anything happen. As I've matured, though--even if I were caught up in a 'whirlwind of life,' I would slam the brakes on everything that was going on to make the time for an interesting and viable connection with someone else.

    Wherever he is in that maturation process (if he is indeed following that same path), you're going to have to be available for him to drop hints for you or to actively pursue you.

    You're gonna have to put yourself out there and answer some of his questions. Don't be afraid of admitting weakness--most of us would do the same, and most would rather you do so and wouldn't judge you for them. As far as my own experiences, the girl made some rather 'shocking' revelations to me within the first few weeks of dating.. and my first thoughts were that everyone has 'stuff' that they are going through and that I cared enough about her to help her through such things. Mutual, beneficial growth is the entire point of a relationship, after all, is it not?

  7. #17
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    MBTI
    enfp
    Posts
    61

    Default

    If you're saying he has crushes he hasn't acted on. Then I imagine that you are much the same thing.

    I know for me, personally, a big problem is not knowing what a person thinks of me. It used to be a big deal to me. I can't read minds. I can be so empathetic and so insightful that people think I can. If its about one person and another person thats the simplest thing in the world for my brain to figure out. I can watch how a person reacts to another person and divine all the facts in the world. But when it comes to how someone thinks about me? I used to be pretty oblivious to it. That is a good trigger for timidity.

  8. #18
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4
    Posts
    10

    Default

    Yeah I don't know, you guys. I've talked to another ENFP who also knows him and she seems to also get why I think he's "flaky." She is much better adapted to accommodating J's, though. I think you guys are just seeing this from the point of view that anything is possible with ENFPs. Thanks anyway.

  9. #19
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    MBTI
    enfp
    Posts
    61

    Default

    Its good that you took the time to come and ask about it. Not alot of INFJ's in the world. But the few I've known can make some pretty quick judgements internally with pretty limited information. Quickly make those judgements. Then when they express those idea's to Te it trips their inferior function and they become adverserial with the outer world. Go into their shell and you're not welcome anymore.

    Consider this, though, your weakness is going to be an obsessive focus on external data. Right now you're upset because you're not getting any external clues as to how he feels. We offered that you ask him, because if he is shy. If he has had crushes he hasn't acted on before. If he does like you, he is most likely not going to be able to express himself. You cannot suspect a lack of extraverted feeling is a lack of introverted feeling.

    However, it is your decision to make.

  10. #20
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    5,624

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Spring View Post
    Yeah I don't know, you guys. I've talked to another ENFP who also knows him and she seems to also get why I think he's "flaky." She is much better adapted to accommodating J's, though. I think you guys are just seeing this from the point of view that anything is possible with ENFPs. Thanks anyway.
    You're welcome anyway.

    And I think you should drop the ENFP. Even if he attempts to make contact with you again...I think you should continue to do what you are doing...and just stay away from him. Let the ENFP go.

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] This ENFP is confusing me
    By strangecat in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 04-26-2017, 11:29 AM
  2. [ENFP] This ENFP is confusing me
    By strangecat in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-02-2017, 04:20 AM
  3. [ENFP] Has anyone else experienced this? (ENFP growing up in an overwhelmingly xSJx family).
    By cattywample in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 08-15-2012, 02:03 AM
  4. [ENFP] Does this ENFP like me, or am I just imagining things?
    By True Blue in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 08-11-2012, 09:29 PM
  5. This ENFP says...
    By Milk_and_Honey in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 03-15-2008, 11:27 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO