[INFJ] my jewish girl

[jamjam]

so i been into this girl in one of my classes. although i have talked about her to my therapist, i feel like procrastinating from prepping for my finals, and vent about it here.

i am a film student, and i feel my infj traits are the reasons why i want to be a filmmaker. in one of my academic classes, where all the majors get to sit in a class together, there is a small little jewish girl in there that i have been drawn to. but i wasnt interested in her until around our midterms (about 5 weeks ago). just from one little observation, i was intrigued. not only was i for some reason intrigued by her buying beef jerky in the vending machine, i found it funny, yet awesome that when her beef jerky got stuck in the machine, she climbed on top and started to jump on the thing until it came down. from then on, i was hooked.

ever since, i have been trying to approach her, hoping she would know i am interested in being more than just a friend.

but the thing is i havent made the actual move to ask her out or have actually voiced out my interest. I feel like i had many chances--especially when she approached me the other day (outside of class) and we talked for like an hour. my reasoning, or excuses, for not asking her out yet, is because i didnt want to ask someone out in class and if it doesnt go well, she or i, wouldnt feel so awkward for the remainder of the term. another reason is, although we have been interacting more often than before, i still want and have not yet believed, some sort of sign to feel she is in to me. i know that i wont really know until i actually ask her out, or let her know in plain words, i am interested.

but there are also other things--things about her personality. though she goes to an art school, she has personally acknowledged that she is more of a scientist at heart. i guess in short, i percieved her to be a very logical and analytical type of person--but also i feel (analyzing our conversations) that she might lack a certain sensitivity--something i personally need. sorry if im rambling and/or making no sense.

but anyways, im still drawn to her. it has been a few long years since i have been interested in anyone, and so it has resulted in me feeling a bit green in the dating game. yes, i am feeling a bit insecure. overall, i intend to ask her out, or at the least, let her know my feelings. i think i need to do it more for myself anyways--i have been battling with myself about self-confidence in all aspects of my life--i think this is one of the demons i have to overcome.

so let's say i do make my move...

anyone have any suggestions? tips? i would also love any helpful activity suggestions for dates--ive never really been a dinner and a movie type of guy--i always prefer some sort of activity to do. selfishly, i would feel more comfortable with the idea that eyes are not always on me.

 

[SillySapienne]

"my jewish girl"????

LOL!!!!

Edit: What compelled you to title your thread as such?

 

[Jae Rae]

Sorry - this post reminds me of a Darwin Award story I heard about a guy who shakes an unyielding vending machine until it topples down on him. Maybe you should hang around with a $1.00 in case her beef jerky gets stuck again. Saving her from serious injury might get you some positive attention.

Jae Rae

 

[Totenkindly]

i am a film student, and i feel my infj traits are the reasons why i want to be a filmmaker. in one of my academic classes, where all the majors get to sit in a class together, there is a small little jewish girl in there that i have been drawn to. but i wasnt interested in her until around our midterms (about 5 weeks ago). just from one little observation, i was intrigued. not only was i for some reason intrigued by her buying beef jerky in the vending machine, i found it funny, yet awesome that when her beef jerky got stuck in the machine, she climbed on top and started to jump on the thing until it came down. from then on, i was hooked.

Oh, very cool. I like her already. [Despite everyone's criticism of safety risks! ]

And I wouldn't be surprised if that bit found its way into a movie you were making either, regardless of how things turn out.

ever since, i have been trying to approach her, hoping she would know i am interested in being more than just a friend.

Do you actually have to label it this early in the game? Couldn't you just ask her out for lunch or something, because you like her as a person, and let things develop naturally?

my reasoning, or excuses, for not asking her out yet, is because i didnt want to ask someone out in class and if it doesnt go well, she or i, wouldnt feel so awkward for the remainder of the term.

Intellectually, that makes sense. But if it does lead to you never ending up getting close to her, will you be happy with that outcome? Or would it have been worth the risk to make the attempt?

another reason is, although we have been interacting more often than before, i still want and have not yet believed, some sort of sign to feel she is in to me. i know that i wont really know until i actually ask her out, or let her know in plain words, i am interested.

Sometimes you get lucky and a sign is given. Sometimes you end up just having to take the plunge. So why not start casual? Ask her if she wants to grab lunch one day, or say that there's a cool movie out you wanted to see (since you're a film student, after all), and ask her if she wants to go along and that it could be a lot of fun?

If you try to force it too soon, she just might not have enough information about you yet to say, "Yes" to the romance even if she likes you as a person. You don't want to shoot yourself in the foot by being impatient. Unless it was someone I already had a crush on, I would be hesitant to commit to a romantic relationship with someone I did not know very well... there is a lot of risk of getting hurt there.

Informal dates that could be read in either direction (friends or romantic) will give you time together to decide if you both want that sort of thing.

there are also other things--things about her personality. though she goes to an art school, she has personally acknowledged that she is more of a scientist at heart. i guess in short, i percieved her to be a very logical and analytical type of person--but also i feel (analyzing our conversations) that she might lack a certain sensitivity--something i personally need.

Oh, you make sense.

So you are perceiving that part of her. That's another reason to just get together with her on a more casual basis and get to know her and figure out whether you really could be in a LTR with a girl who is so analytical and not as sensitive as the ways in which you hoped.

overall, i intend to ask her out, or at the least, let her know my feelings. i think i need to do it more for myself anyways--i have been battling with myself about self-confidence in all aspects of my life--i think this is one of the demons i have to overcome.

My one big piece of advice: Don't make this initial disclosure bigger than it is. You are prone to failure if you place so much emphasis on telling her you're romantically interested. Keep it casual and work on just spending time with her and see where things go.

anyone have any suggestions? tips? i would also love any helpful activity suggestions for dates--ive never really been a dinner and a movie type of guy--i always prefer some sort of activity to do. selfishly, i would feel more comfortable with the idea that eyes are not always on me.

Doh!

Okay, scratch the lunch/movie. What activities exist on your college campus that you'd both have an excuse to go see/do?

If you are working on some ideas for a film/project of yours, ask her if she'd be interested in hearing them and what she thinks. Share your vision. (although if she is analytical, you had better brace yourself for that sort of response.)

What sort of art is she into? Take her to an art museum or exhibit.

Ask her to teach you about art, and you can teach her about film. Plus maybe you can even explore similarities and differences in the two mediums.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

The scientist thing is something that could go either way. Her analytical skills might make her observant and careful with her words. I've met quite a few analytical people who are very sensitive and understanding. You really don't know until you explore it with an open mind.

As for what to do, invite her out to something ambiguous. Ask her if she wants to go study at a coffee shop together. You don't have to actually study together (like quiz each other) just study near her. Chat occasionally, and afterwards, ask her if she wants to go get some matzah somewhere. (This will show her that you're interested in Judiasm, and possibly converting, which is probably what she's wondering about already. [LOL]) If not matzah, maybe ice cream or sushi, or whatever. (Or arcade, which makes a great date.) If you're still not feeling up to it, just end the "date" and try again another time.