Several months ago I met an ENFJ girl via a philosophy extracurricular I ran at my college. She doesn't attend my school, but was interested in our club, so after an exchange of several emails we decided it would be good for us to casually meet up at a more mutually convenient location than my school.
We hit it off immediately, and had several rendezvous, sometimes including my friends, whom she also seemed to enjoy. Typically we would visit each other's campuses for an afternoon, walk around and talk, give little tours, and usually end up eating together somewhere and getting into more personal or philosophical discussion.
Over the course of these interactions, I grew quite fond of her, and really enjoyed bringing out her earnestly raw Ti in conversation, and in turn appreciated the emotional warmth offered by her more mature Fe.
However, she remained an enigma to me on several levels. First, I couldn't tell if she likes me romantically or not. She definitely enjoys my INTP originality and substance, and my willingness to engage interests most other people find obscure or worthless, and she often makes suggestive statements about our relationship, but when I return them she never takes it the next step.
This ambiguity about our relationship connects to more general trends I have observed about her character. We have had several discussions about her cynical despair toward the world, and her inability to connect with other people in a meaningful way. I've even commented on the way in which she quickly breaks eye contact with me as a manifestation of this, and she confirmed it, saying that she doesn't want people to be able to read her personal thoughts and reactions. She has told me that she would rather protect herself from emotional engagement and feel nothing rather than risk returning to what was a very powerful adolescent depression, and I can't help but apply all this to understanding her behavior toward me.
She is very socially isolated from her peers. She lives at home and has a 3 hour daily round trip commute to her campus, and tells me she doesn't go out of her way to spend time with anybody except me, which I take to be truthful. She spends most of her time reading and with family.
Over the holidays, I came out to her place once. I got her a Christmas present, which she greatly appreciated, especially since it was related to one of the interests she doesn't have confirmed in more conventional social circles. We spent a great day together, yet at the end we had our most extended conversation on her aforementioned cynicism. It was very explanatory in a way, since she set up several moments that would have been great for our first expression of physical intimacy yet got out of them when I started verbally steering the conversation in that direction.
I've emailed her twice since then, once with a poem I wrote about what she has told me about her general emotional situation, and secondly with a more general update on myself and asking her how she was doing. She hasn't responded to either in a week. I would call, but she almost never answers her phone or calls back. She made very clear that we were going to do something together again, perhaps as a way of apologizing for flaking out of our closer situations.
I'm slightly hurt by all this. I know that I have to give her her space to work through her inner life on her own, and as an INTP I am pretty certain I have not been at all overbearing with her in this way. Is she just exhausted from being so emotionally open with me in a way she probably hasn't been with anybody in some time, given her isolation and cynicism? If she does have feelings for me, would this type of behavior be appropriate? Or is it just her way of killing a relationship she doesn't feel she is ready to handle?
I'd appreciate any insight here. We've spend enough time together for me to feel emotionally engaged, and I really enjoy her company.