On one level I know I'm not ever going to be considered mainstream attractive by race or by the rest of the world. On the other hand, I noticed certain types of people like the way I look because. ...I can't explain it, it's cultural, I guess. I'm just going to say "sometimes" because sometimes I get tired of it.
I used to question whether or not I was weird looking. I've never really been very popular (which I suppose has more to do with being an exceptionally weird person); but after I started dating my ENFJ, who constantly tells me how extraordinarily attractive I am, I feel better about myself.
So no, I do not think I'm ugly... even if some people do.
I don't think really anyone has to be ugly as long as you take good care of yourself. I think the more you work out, or spend time reading/writing, or engaged in whatever pastime makes you happy and feel passion, that this must come out of your essence and there's no way you can feel ugly if you imbue your surroundings with this love of life.
As for me, I don't feel ugly. But there were times in my 20's when I gained weight and was generally miserable in the closet. But as soon as I came out of the closet, all of a sudden I became beautiful. It's hard to describe it, but it was a tiny miracle on many levels
Is this at all along the lines of, "Ew, bodies. Skin. Hair. Fluids. Barf." type thing? I've never known anyone else to think that (or admit to thinking it.) It's interesting. I remember once, sitting in the bathtub, and thinking, "My skin is an organ. *poke* This is gross. I want OUT [of my skin] NOW!"
I should feel ugly considering the mega neglect I have experienced in my life.
And I should feel awful considering the mega loneliness I have experience in my life too.
However there I was Principle Skinner style aka The Simpsons, dribbling a ball underneath all that newspaper to occupy my sanity, no coconuts for me you hear...stomach churning.
Thank the fuck for my imagination hay, if I didn't have that I would feel more than a little ugly considering the mega lack of intimacy in my life too.
In other words no.
Strangely I'm in high spirits, more and more each month. Even though I should feel ugly the opposite is happening which is lovely. Even though I do get these bizarre fluxes of none ugliness and a bit of fudglyness but I do believe the word ugly is removed from my vocabulary or I'm just selective.
My philosophy there's a whole lot of fudgliness to love. Why fight fate, if I love my fudgliness that's all that matters. hahaha.
Not anymore. I have my days, but ultimately, the looks thing has become lesser of a priority and I just wanna please myself by living healthy and satisfying. I am just me. It's kind of funny there's a whole branch of business that wants to make you feel like crap about the way you look.