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  1. #21
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skyward View Post
    When I was an exchange student in Finland (which is generaly filled with very reserved people) it wasnt for a month or two before I made any friends, and not until 7-8 months later that I developed any deep connections. Funny thing, though, is that I have more friends over there than here in the States. Maybe people there could relate to my dour mood better than the people here
    I find it so funny how Finland seems to keep coming up on this forum... (I'm half Finnish).

    I live in England (though I grew up in Canada). I guess Finns are even more reserved than your average English person (though I find it hard to talk about an "average English person" unless you break it down into the different social classes), but I have found that it takes time to really establish a deep friendship with an English person. (I know people of many nationalities here, so only some of my acquaintances/friends/close friends are English.) Years, sometimes. I have friendships here which I feel have taken that long to progress from acquaintanceship, to friendship, to close or closer friendship. Yet, I feel that these types of friendships can be the most lasting and valuable once they are ultimately established.
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  2. #22
    Senior Member ItsAGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I find it so funny how Finland seems to keep coming up on this forum... (I'm half Finnish).

    I live in England (though I grew up in Canada). I guess Finns are even more reserved than your average English person (though I find it hard to talk about an "average English person" unless you break it down into the different social classes), but I have found that it takes time to really establish a deep friendship with an English person. (I know people of many nationalities here, so only some of my acquaintances/friends/close friends are English.) Years, sometimes. I have friendships here which I feel have taken that long to progress from acquaintanceship, to friendship, to close or closer friendship. Yet, I feel that these types of friendships can be the most lasting and valuable once they are ultimately established.
    Agreed with that last part in particular (heh, i'm actively befriending a girl from wales, actually) ... still, when you do that, it's that much more ruinous when life tears you away from it all.
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  3. #23
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ItsAGuy View Post
    Agreed with that last part in particular (heh, i'm actively befriending a girl from wales, actually) ... still, when you do that, it's that much more ruinous when life tears you away from it all.
    Indeed.

    By the way, on a lighter note...if you're befriending a girl from Wales, DO NOT imply that she is English or from England. England and Wales are both part of the UK but culturally they are effectively separate countries (as Scotland is as well.) You are probably well aware of this, but it's worth reiterating. People here can be touchy about that.
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  4. #24
    Senior Member ItsAGuy's Avatar
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    =) thanks... at this point I'm planning a springtime trip probably to do a couple successive 'hiking' vacations in wales and ireland (btw, is springtime advisable?... I was told the last two aprils were unusually sunny but don't count on it.)
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  5. #25
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    You can get anything at all in the UK weather-wise. April can be nice. It can also be horrid. I'm not sure if there's any month where this doesn't apply. Actually, I think April or May could be safer bets than some other months. It's true that the last couple of years the spring was nice. We had a few horrible summers and a slightly better one this year, but not that great.
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  6. #26
    Senior Member ItsAGuy's Avatar
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    I'm still stuck on this issue, really (not related to UK). I kinda wish I hadn't mentioned my situation since the question was supposed to be higher level than that... still, I'm in this weird conundrum of being being told 'you've gotta be happy before entering a relationship' but 'i need a relationship to be happy.'

    The latter should not be true; there's got to be a way to be self-satisfied whilst alone... I just don't know I've ever experienced that.
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  7. #27
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ItsAGuy View Post
    I'm still stuck on this issue, really (not related to UK). I kinda wish I hadn't mentioned my situation since the question was supposed to be higher level than that... still, I'm in this weird conundrum of being being told 'you've gotta be happy before entering a relationship' but 'i need a relationship to be happy.'

    The latter should not be true; there's got to be a way to be self-satisfied whilst alone... I just don't know I've ever experienced that.
    I do think that you need to be at least somewhat at peace with yourself before entering into a relationship... If you go into it with the assumption that the other person is going to fulfill all those unfulfilled needs and make you happy, disappointment is bound to follow. Not saying that's necessarily your approach...but still...
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  8. #28
    Senior Member ItsAGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I do think that you need to be at least somewhat at peace with yourself before entering into a relationship... If you go into it with the assumption that the other person is going to fulfill all those unfulfilled needs and make you happy, disappointment is bound to follow. Not saying that's necessarily your approach...but still...
    No, I think that's the part that's itching me. Still, I suppose there are certain needs (genuine ones) that I cannot satisfy for myself, so being 'at peace' is the best that one can hope for.
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  9. #29
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I do think that you need to be at least somewhat at peace with yourself before entering into a relationship... If you go into it with the assumption that the other person is going to fulfill all those unfulfilled needs and make you happy, disappointment is bound to follow. Not saying that's necessarily your approach...but still...
    That's the main fact that makes me very wary of relationships, and my wonder at if I will ever have a relationship. I have the impressions that the internal disquiet will be part of who I am for a long time.
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  10. #30
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    World peace.
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