i need help. idk what to do, lately i have just been so depressed.
here's the deal:
i have a very close group of friends.. there are about 16 people that i regularly hang out with, and 8 that are in my "core" group. of these 8 there are 4 guys and 4 girls.
so, i'm pretty close with all of the guys. to be honest.. most of these guys actually consider ME to be their best friend. so yeah, i'm tight with them.
the thing is.. once we start hanging out as a big group, i start to feel so disconnected for some reason. it's like i can't keep up with the conversations. i hate it. eventually i'll just be off in my own world.. not saying anything at all. occasionally one of my friends will try to say something to me or acknowledge me, but i can tell it's just because i'm bringing the mood down.
it's really hard for me to keep up when half of hanging out in a big group is just fighting for attention.. i am the only introvert in my group and it sucks that most of them don't understand what i'm going through.
here is where i need advice:
i got invited to my friend's cabin this weekend. there would be 10 of us there, including myself. the thing is.. i really don't want to go. at all.
i mean, i want to go.. i just have a feeling that i won't have fun. and it's not like anyone would actually care if i came or not. i wish i could go and just let loose and have fun, but recently i haven't been able to do that when i'm hanging out with more than 3 or 4 people.
i have a couple options:
1: just go. suck it up and try to have a good time. this is really the last thing i want to do.
2: talk over the ride. if i go, i'm getting a late ride with just one of my friends (another reason i don't want to go, i find it really difficult to settle down when i'm joining a group late). the good thing is that i'm getting a ride with my nicest, most understanding female friend. maybe all i really need is to talk to someone in the group.
3: talk about it tonight. maybe it would help me make my decision. though i really only have a few people i would be willing to open up to, and chances are we will be hanging out as a group.
4: don't go. this would be sooooo much easier. i have a feeling i would regret doing this, but something tells me i'll regret whatever i do...
i guess the root of my problem is that it is really hard for me to let people get close. because of this i'm pretty sure that a lot of my friends think i don't even like them. i really do like them, i just don't know how to show it.. really, opening up like this to one of my friends would be one of the hardest things for me to do.
so.. any advice would be appreciated. thanks