[ENFP] Older people's view of ENFPs

[JocktheMotie]

I agree with this, but from reading this forum, it sometimes seems that people really would split up over it. Or at least, they wouldn't even give it a chance at all with someone because of type. Like "I just don't get along with XXXX's" that kind of thing. I understand that this is a typology forum, but there seems to be so much emphasis on it here that it is used in a restrictive way at times. Do you know what I mean? I haven't been able to figure out if people really behave like this in real life or what.

Luckily, such people have a habit of typing people they like as the types they like, so there's never any issue. Someone who doesn't like ESFJs will NEVER type someone they're attracted to as an ESFJ.

 

[stalemate]

Luckily, such people have a habit of typing people they like as the types they like, so there's never any issue. Someone who doesn't like ESFJs will NEVER type someone they're attracted to as an ESFJ.

That makes sense and is incredibly obvious now that you point it out.

 

[Lady_X]

@esoteric

oh i totally know what you mean and wonder truly if people that are so different really have it in them to love those things about their partner that are opposite to your preference...like truly...see it in them and get filled with ooey gooey adoring feelings of love...is it possible? or is it always a matter of...i love you...so i tolerate this...and that...and i'll try at this...and work on that...is it ever effortless passion driven desire to understand...is it ever blown away...wow you totally get me and i love your perspective of the world? i hope it is for some and it works for them....but truly...if you break down everything we ever argued about it is clearly...nfp vs stj issues...for us specifically.

@stalemate
i know what you mean too...and in a way i wish i could purge my brain of the knowledge but instead...i'll just keep an open mind and hold onto the belief that it is appreciation not necessarily similarity that makes relationships work.

and...i have yet to meet enough people of one type to say i know how certain preferences will be expressed through them....but i'm a lil gunshy yeah.

 

[stalemate]

oh i totally know what you mean and wonder truly if people that are so different really have it in them to love those things about their partner that are opposite to your preference...like truly...see it in them and get filled with ooey gooey adoring feelings of love...is it possible? or is it always a matter of...i love you...so i tolerate this...and that...and i'll try at this...and work on that...is it ever effortless passion driven desire to understand...is it ever blown away...wow you totally get me and i love your perspective of the world? i hope it is for some and it works for them....but truly...if you break down everything we ever argued about it is clearly...nfp vs stj issues...for us specifically.

My wife and I aren't quite so opposite as you guys. We decided this weekend she is ESFJ (previously thought ESTJ, but we were wrong). Anyway, I can't exactly speak for her, but I love her S and J qualities. There is no "tolerating." It is completely and totally effortless and we almost never fight. And if we do fight, it is over some stupid misunderstanding. It is never over anything that really means anything to the other one, and we quickly realize we are arguing about nothing. I think the key is that we both just "get" each other and it isn't this constant struggle to understand why the other one behaves the way that they do. I understand that she's so scheduled and structured, and I love it. I wish I could be more that way, but I'm not, I lean on her for it. And she wishes she could relax and go with the flow. She relies on me to calm her down and ease the stress when things aren't going according to the plan. She tells me all the time she wishes she could be more like me, and I know I wish I could be more like her. We really love and appreciate the differences and they aren't something we are always working against.

 

[Lady_X]

My wife and I aren't quite so opposite as you guys. We decided this weekend she is ESFJ (previously thought ESTJ, but we were wrong). Anyway, I can't exactly speak for her, but I love her S and J qualities. There is no "tolerating." It is completely and totally effortless and we almost never fight. And if we do fight, it is over some stupid misunderstanding. It is never over anything that really means anything to the other one, and we quickly realize we are arguing about nothing. I think the key is that we both just "get" each other and it isn't this constant struggle to understand why the other one behaves the way that they do. I understand that she's so scheduled and structured, and I love it. I wish I could be more that way, but I'm not, I lean on her for it. And she wishes she could relax and go with the flow. She relies on me to calm her down and ease the stress when things aren't going according to the plan. She tells me all the time she wishes she could be more like me, and I know I wish I could be more like her. We really love and appreciate the differences and they aren't something we are always working against.

that's awesome eric. i can see that and that's exactly what i was talking about...i can certainly appreciate differences in others...there are lots of qualities others have that i don't that i admire and wish i had. i also personally get along very well with the isfj and esfj people that i know...my esfj friend just left actually and we get along great. always have things to talk about and seem to understand where the other is coming from most of the time and are very supportive of each other.

 

[phoenix13]

I am struggling and trying to keep my head above water with an ISTJ older woman who I think doesn't find me suitable for her ISTJ son.... she is kind to me, but I get this feeling that she doesn't think I'm "right" for him, perhaps, she saw him with someone more like them (her husband and 2 sons are all ISTJs)...

Anyone have insight to how an ISTJ mom would feel about an ENFP?

I dont know why you're assuing it's a personality thing. I'll bet no woman would be good enough for her son (ie she's the stereotypical mother-in-law).

 

[Moiety]

If things couldn't be better you wouldn't be using that smiley. Just beware of the red flags.

 

[Virtual ghost]

How am I hurting myself? Just by being with him, or idealistically thinking that this will work?

Probably both. (if things go bad)

On the other hand you could just be expressed ENFP so everyone look like ISTJ to you. (I see alot of people as ESFPs for that same reason)