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  1. #1
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    Default NFJ intensity...What are the differences between E and I?

    I was just reading PinkPiranha's thread in the NF private forum "Frustrated ENFJ" and it really got me thinking. A lot of the posts were talking about NFJ's intensity. I had never really thought about my intensity in regards to other people until I read this, and found myself relating to a lot of what was being said. I don't see myself as intensely guarded. I am fairly quick to share how I feel with people so long as I feel a connection with them in some way. When I was younger I would say I was a definite NFJ, though I think I was on the border with E and I most of the time, if not a bit more E much of the time. As I have gotten older I am decidedly an I, though I can be very extroverted in certain situations... it mostly depends on my mood. If I'm happy and comfortable I will seem like an E, though when under stress or a melancholic/pensive mood (which has been my predominant mood for the past couple years), I withdraw and become quite introverted.

    One thing I am sure of is my intensity in friendships and relationships. I think it really scares people sometimes. I quickly get to deep subjects and show my excitement easily. Those who know me well can tell what kind of mood I am just by being around me, and many times (especially in one on one situations) my mood can manifest and set an overall tone for the situation. I have also had many people comment on my animated demeanor when talking, and easy excitement. When I express an emotion I really express it. Is this typical of an introverted NFJ?

    How does E or I make Ni and Fe manifest differently? I am almost entirely sure I am an Introvert...do other INFJs find themselves seemingly extroverted when they are in happy, comfortable situations? And NFJs in general...how do people react to your intensity? What do they say? I am not sure what types this attracts, but there is a definitely a certain kind of person it unnerves, and some just find it draining.

  2. #2
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    I have a 'Frustrated INFJ' thread. It's kind of gave her the idea for the name of her thread.

    I'm a strong Ni type INFJ, so I don't usually follow the normal 'intensity' of NFs. A lot of it comes from being a male. It is socially awkward for a man to express intensity so I just keep it inside until I am with people who don't give me a '' look when I express myself.

    I think my intensity is just an internal whirlwind that reacts to how people react to me. If they react in a way I think is negative, I feel worse, or if things flow well and up-beat, I feel better about it. My Fe is almost a pseudo Fi since expressing it tends to be awkward. Thankfully, I have been learning to stop caring about how people react to my expression of self, and have been learning ways to express myself well without being rude or annoying.

    I think ENFJs just feel things muuuuch more strongly than I do. They're 'emotionally cold-blooded' and need to have good surroundings in order to feel good. Things seem to amplify within them, too, leading to their intensity.

    To be honest, I don't know much about ENFJs besides theory.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    Interesting question. I'm definately animated and my mood can be read from me very easily. When I'm expressing how I feel (when I feel something strongly) I can't just be, I need to move, jump, run, do, go, and it's very open, it just needs outlets, expression. But I guess the difference might be that for an infj as an introvert this is more occasional and as soon as it passes by it's ni and ti taking charge again, holding the reign and needing time to detach and analyze. Enfj probably needs it too but where to the full emotional displays are to infj the detachment is to enfjs?

    I'm not being very clear because I'm not really sure if I even know what I'm talking about here. I guard stuff _a lot_. Introvert thinking before saying. In brief occasions like Fe explosion it just goes right out the window. With enfj maybe it's a lot more out in the open they seem like they're not as much in hiding probably.

    All I know is the energy's there and it needs to come out, it's like lava boiling in my veins. I think I'd be a lot more outwardly demonstrative => intense if I wasn't so self-conscious, so an I basically! But then again when I'm on a different mode alltogether... I can't fake it, I can't fake anything, I can turn cold in an instant because I'm simply not feeling it anymore, I'm in my head, with a "not here" sign glued to my expressionless face.

    How do people react to it? I'mm not sure. I've heard "dramatic" from an estj and know the same estj to consider an enfj as dramatic too. I find it intriguing and a bit scary. It's somehow so powerful, in both nfj's, it's like having a rubberloaded rifle next to you shooting and building more inertia as they go. But it's contagious and exciting to me.


    This prolly ain't very helpful

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by tibby View Post
    Interesting question. I'm definately animated and my mood can be read from me very easily. When I'm expressing how I feel (when I feel something strongly) I can't just be, I need to move, jump, run, do, go, and it's very open, it just needs outlets, expression. But I guess the difference might be that for an infj as an introvert this is more occasional and as soon as it passes by it's ni and ti taking charge again, holding the reign and needing time to detach and analyze. Enfj probably needs it too but where to the full emotional displays are to infj the detachment is to enfjs?

    I'm not being very clear because I'm not really sure if I even know what I'm talking about here. I guard stuff _a lot_. Introvert thinking before saying. In brief occasions like Fe explosion it just goes right out the window. With enfj maybe it's a lot more out in the open they seem like they're not as much in hiding probably.

    All I know is the energy's there and it needs to come out, it's like lava boiling in my veins. I think I'd be a lot more outwardly demonstrative => intense if I wasn't so self-conscious, so an I basically! But then again when I'm on a different mode alltogether... I can't fake it, I can't fake anything, I can turn cold in an instant because I'm simply not feeling it anymore, I'm in my head, with a "not here" sign glued to my expressionless face.

    How do people react to it? I'mm not sure. I've heard "dramatic" from an estj and know the same estj to consider an enfj as dramatic too. I find it intriguing and a bit scary. It's somehow so powerful, in both nfj's, it's like having a rubberloaded rifle next to you shooting and building more inertia as they go. But it's contagious and exciting to me.


    This prolly ain't very helpful
    au contraire! I found that very helpful! That makes sense. INFJs are mostly detached with a Ni-Ti axis but need to have the Fe breakthroughs where ENFJs form a Fe-Se axis and have Ni breakthroughs. Interesting...
    I have gotten dramatic many times from Ts... haha

  5. #5
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    I am an extreme case of an I, as it seems. But it also depends greatly on my mood. In my neutral mode I am very self-conscious and I have extreme self-control when I'm in the public. If I'm not comfortable around people, they get nothing but polite reserve from me. I'm seemingly like a steel wall to outside observers. I rarely express any other emotion othar than a faint smile to strangers or people I'm not close to. Now, what happens inside is a whole different story. And occasionally I let it out and people don't know what hit them. When I'm in a very good mood and I get excited, I'm also very animated when talking. You can imagine fire bursting from my eyes. If I'm tired, I'm usually in a bad mood and it shows very well.

    With people I feel comfortable with, I can definitely be an E for a while. I'm the idea generator, the "Let's go and do this, this and this. NOW!" person. I draw energy from the people around me and give it back a hundred times over. My family and friends are already used to my frequent mood swings, so they usually have "the look" and rolling the eyes thing going on.

  6. #6
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    do other INFJs find themselves seemingly extroverted when they are in happy, comfortable situations?
    Oh, absolutely. Like you, I spent most of my childhood balanced between E/I, but became more of an introvert when I got older. If I'm with a comfortable group, I can be with them hours and hours and hours and feel no need to recharge. It's only with a group I don't know very well or a group I don't feel I'll ever really be close to that I feel the need to withdraw. I doubt I could go a full day being completely without people.

    Maybe our Fe is as high as our Ni? I have no idea.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nyx View Post
    au contraire! I found that very helpful! That makes sense. INFJs are mostly detached with a Ni-Ti axis but need to have the Fe breakthroughs where ENFJs form a Fe-Se axis and have Ni breakthroughs. Interesting...
    I have gotten dramatic many times from Ts... haha
    Yes.

  8. #8
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I don't find ENFJs intense, but I think Fe can make some people feel smothered. ENFJs can also seem more...."dramatic" than ESFJs. Not more emotional, just their word choices or whatever add some level of intensity. I think it's the NF lean towards a romanticist attitude. Everything's a little more poetic.

    INFJs seem intense in a narrower, condensed sort of way. If you get them talking, they dive into whatever philosophical thoughts they have very quickly. I knew an INFJ online who would talk about soccer in a poetic way . Every discussion felt like he was practicing for writing a novel or something.
    That seems intense to most people. To an INFP, it's just like "this person is awesome!".
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  9. #9
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skyward View Post

    I think my intensity is just an internal whirlwind that reacts to how people react to me. If they react in a way I think is negative, I feel worse, or if things flow well and up-beat, I feel better about it.
    I really relate to this. I am the same way.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sky Is Blue!
    I am an extreme case of an I, as it seems. But it also depends greatly on my mood. In my neutral mode I am very self-conscious and I have extreme self-control when I'm in the public. If I'm not comfortable around people, they get nothing but polite reserve from me. I'm seemingly like a steel wall to outside observers. I rarely express any other emotion othar than a faint smile to strangers or people I'm not close to. Now, what happens inside is a whole different story. And occasionally I let it out and people don't know what hit them. When I'm in a very good mood and I get excited, I'm also very animated when talking. You can imagine fire bursting from my eyes. If I'm tired, I'm usually in a bad mood and it shows very well.


    I've never been called dramatic/overly emotional or anything like that, and I think it is due to my introversion, as well as the fact that I tend to do a lot of thinking/pondering (jumping right to Ti) before speaking, so I can nullify the emotional content half the time. I know this isn't an INFJ thing across the board, though, because one of my INFJ friends is much more extroverted than I, and more apt to express her feelings/opinions rather than whittle them down, analyze them, or tuck them away, and *I* consider her to be rather dramatic at times. I mean, I don't think it's a bad thing, just in comparison to me, she is.

    But, yeah, even if I'm not speaking/extroverting my emotions, I think my emotional state can be pretty apparent to those who know me well - they'll be able to tell if I'm irritable, unhappy, excited, bored, etc. [Although when at work or around strangers, I think I can do a decent job of masking even that, if I need to.] With my more negative temporary emotions, though, I tend not to want to subject others to any of it, so I tend to keep it to myself. Occasionally I really need an outlet, though, especially when I'm spinning my wheels or can't figure something out on my own or need additional input/thoughts, and that would be a trusted friend. But when I'm really excited or happy, I have no problem making that very evident to everyone, and I do become very animated and, dare I say...almost chatty.
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  10. #10
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    4s are more Fe than 5s. 5s are more Ti than 4s. i'm still waiting for more infj types. the so-called 1s and the 6s. i only know one infj 9w1. she's really nice and not half as pushy as us 4s and 5s. i'd also like to see a 4w3 (if they exist).

    enfj 3w2s are less moody, 7s even less. enfj 4s are highly explosive. 2w1s are pretty easily overdrawn and can get seriously down. 3w4s are intentionally difficult (ie "i don't even allow myself to see who i really am, you may think you see me but you CANT!"). 1w2 would be the most vigilant. i'm still waiting to see an 8.

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