I thought that I would share part of my book to get an idea of what people thought. Tell me if you think this is written well...
Evan dreaded it every time. He would go down a winding staircase covered in crimson stone which spewed its scent of old earth upon his nose and lips. Then he would reach out for a bone grip handle as he passed through a door enveloped by the perverse image of the grim reaper as he smiled with shattered teeth. Sometimes shadows would move and caress the caskets of the dead in odd ways as though darkness were a lover reaching out to its long lost companion in a delightfully sordid elegance that heightened the senses as well as chilled the soul.
And that was one of the more comfortable days in the vault.
On days like today when the sky grew angry and grey and the trees swayed back and forth. James Hollow’s demented vision came to life in the fullest sense of the word as the caressing of the shadows turned into a wrenched, twisted contortion of the reality of death and black. The mosaic of the sculptor became demented as coffins moved in the wind from holes bored underneath the ground. Statues wailed away in grief as corpses butchered their pact with death and soon the entire scene resembled all the Hollows long since dead coming back from the grave.
Such was the effect that James Hollow wanted to project on visitors whom he delighted in scaring as he took them down to the basement and showed them the entire room. Then he and the rest of the family would laugh as the person or persons would run in terror to go home an pray begging God not to allow them to be the feast of the dead.
This amusement was not shared with Evan as he shuttered every time one ran away. Indeed the sight of his grandfather as he howled in delight was one of the most despicable memories one that he was always grateful to forget. Now he was standing in front of the grim reaper as he smiled once again.
There was no turning of the handle as the door was already opened courtesy of Katrina who had passed through just moments ago. Evan walked past crooked crosses and slanted head stones and came to the back of the crypt and a most unexpected sight.
Another door one that he had never seen before and one that had him even more nervous than usual as it was even stranger than the crypt itself. Indeed it was so strange that Evan felt that if his grandfather were alive even he would have had second thoughts about putting inside the room.
The door was large perhaps ten feet in height and covered in a festered wood dripping with thick mud that budged and dipped as the maggots underneath wiggled their way around gnarled ridges. The corners of the door were angled in weird directions cause the door not to be quite straight. Above were words carved in stone that read.
“Cautum Cui intro namque excessum ingnoro amicitia.”
“Beware you who enter for death knows no friend.”
Keep in mind that this is a first draft so it will not be perfect.
Thanks all Note this is not the begining of the book. That is below.