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  1. #11
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    It's almost like I have a glass for every person I meet. Everytime I'm wronged, the little water droplets trickle in.. and for 80% of the time, it's not enough to make the glass even half-way full, so I tend to just dismiss it all.

    If something big happens--like if someone were to steal from me for example. I would forgive them, mayhap, but never again would you be trusted in my house, around my stuff, etc. I cut them off of the aspects in question.

    If something bigger than that upsets me, I generally find myself unable to forgive them--that is, accept their apology and get over it. I never get over it. It's not that I hold a grudge.. because I know that I allowed so much to slide prior to the straw, that when the camel falls I have no problems letting it stay fallen.

    Every so often I run into a situation where the person in question would, if cut off from my life, hurt my relationship with other people. Such is the case with my sister's mother in law, who I refuse to talk to or treat with an ounce of dignity. I know that this puts a damper on my relationship with my brother-in-law, but.. I simply weigh the consequences, and if someone is worth being "at peace" with for the sake of other people, I may uphold that and be a bigger person. Otherwise, no amount of crying, begging, or anything will change my mind.

    .. Suffice to say, it's not very often I have had people cut completely out of my life.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  2. #12
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    Hi everyone, I'm Tiny and I am an ENFP doormat.

    Yes, it's true. I am one of those too forgiving ENFPs. My roomate has emotionally abused me for years now and she still lives upstairs and is still being a manipulative bitch and I STILL forgive her.

  3. #13
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    i put mental red flags on some people, though i generally dont let many people close to me so i have very few red flags
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

    Mahatma Gandhi

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  4. #14
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    it's just like i'm constantly adjusting my perception of people...almost always accepting but adapt to new information..like to use kyuuei's example say someone steals something...i'll confront them...resolve it understand it and then redefine them as a person with x problem that can't be trusted with x...and so we'll never be close on any deep level but...i can accept them for who they are and relate to them in this new way...just more guarded i guess.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #15
    Senior Member Xellotath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    Hi everyone, I'm Tiny and I am an ENFP doormat.

    Yes, it's true. I am one of those too forgiving ENFPs. My roomate has emotionally abused me for years now and she still lives upstairs and is still being a manipulative bitch and I STILL forgive her.
    Hahaha.
    I'm so starting an "ENFP Doormats Anonymous".

    Hi! I'm Xel.. and I let everyone walk over me in real life. And I cope with it by being a terrible person online.

    And I wish I was like CzeCze. I can never bring myself to label someone as "negative" and effectively cut them out of my life.

    It's too hard! I get thousands of "What if you're wrong and you failed to understand him? What if it could have worked out?"

    ....I wish I was smarter.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FantailedWall View Post
    Shoo, impostor!
    Was that directed at me?

  7. #17
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xellotath View Post
    Hahaha.
    I'm so starting an "ENFP Doormats Anonymous".

    Hi! I'm Xel.. and I let everyone walk over me in real life. And I cope with it by being a terrible person online.

    And I wish I was like CzeCze. I can never bring myself to label someone as "negative" and effectively cut them out of my life.

    It's too hard! I get thousands of "What if you're wrong and you failed to understand him? What if it could have worked out?"

    ....I wish I was smarter.
    I think it has little to do with intelligence.

    This are easier when you're forgiving. Unfortunately, many people mistake this kindness as weakness.

    The thing WE have to learn how to do is to build up our backbone enough to say that to them. Generally, I find if I outright say that quote.. or something along the lines of "If you think you can treat me this way because I'll forgive you.. know that I am boundless when it comes to my friends.. but nothing is without consequence."

    .. And it truly isn't. I will forgive you for stealing from me. You'll never borrow something of mine again. and I don't have a problem dropping this bomb:

    "Can I borrow you playstation for the weekend?" "I'm sorry, it won't be available then.." "C'mon!" ".. Do I really need to remind you why it won't be available?"

    Sometimes people think that because they did something bad and it's over with, that life moves on like nothing happened. Everything has a consequence. Borrow money from me and don't bother to pay it back? You'll miss out every single time following that incident. Pretty soon.. people that walk all over me find that I'm never around for them to walk on anymore. And they miss out on me, my friendship, because there's little to no reason for me to socialize with them anymore.

    ..And suddenly, the kindness they were taking advantage of is their weakness.. and when they approach me trying to be brash about why I'm never there for them anymore.. I have an entire tiny army of incidents as to why I shouldn't be around them anymore.

    It's only a simple "Would YOU be around someone if they did all that to YOU?" at the end will bring the friendship to a screeching halt, and I never feel guilty or regretful for any of it.. because by that time they've abused my trust so entirely, there's no room for doubt left.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  8. #18
    Member MattC333's Avatar
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    Most people don't find out I'm angry at them til they realise I've completely stopped talking to them.

    This is a terrible problem of mine. I rarely lose my temper and anyone who has been on the end of it, gets the worst character assassination ever. Because I can pick up on their insecurities, I will maim them.

    So I don't let myself lose my temper. I know that if I get into a confrontation, I'll resort to that as my weapon, so they just ignored. Plus, if I don't see them, I don't end up getting angry, so I never have to experience it.

    That's only if what they did made me angry though. They'd have to totally violate my values to get me to that state.

    I agree with you Cze, why waste energy on anger, just let those people go.

    I get over 'losing' someone pretty quick, because life goes on and you meet new people.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Nillerz's Avatar
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    How do I stay angry? I don't...

  10. #20
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    I don't either..

    I look at the situational factors, then let go of whatever's bothering me after I confront the person about the problem. I ask myself in 20 years, will whatever's bothering me still matter? Life's short.

    I forgive to let go, to move on..

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