Cosmic dancer I know exactly how you feel, when I first left islam like you I was so lost, the community connection had vanished and my name became dust never to be mentioned again amongst people I had loved once.
I remember walking past a church once and considering going in, just to feel connected to something again, but my hatred of all things religious, especially abrahamic stopped me, pretending to believe wasn't worth the human connection it could offer.
Don;t feel ashamed of any feelings you get on your journey, it gets easier and you learn to live with the loss after awhile. Make new connections with people who understand, who accept you no matter what your beliefs, when you are ready, after all it''s no rush.
I understand though, really I do.
I know you understand Sahara.
Yes the hardest thing right now is the loss of community, friends and family.
When the kids were here I was busy with chores and routines.
Now the kids have gone to stay with their mum during the holiday... WHAM I feel sooooo alone.
Even my old friend (mo) doesn't want to talk to me because I left Islam - even though he is not exactly a 'good' Muslim.
I just feel so alienated from everything I knew for all those years.
Jesus loves you. And if you don't love him back, then he gets jealous and throws you into a fiery pit.
The very idea of Hell is just mind boggling.
It is one of the reasons I rejected Islam.
Of course modern Christians, Jews and even some modern Muslims, will say that Hell is just a metaphore - an allegory for the suffering one faces as a result of the 'realization' that one has hurt others.
But clearly that was not what Moses, Jesus or Muhammad described all those hundreds of years ago.