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  1. #11
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    Sorry for your troubles. I can relate to the discomfort and anxiety of being unemployed.

    An underlying theme of CzeCze's advice is structure. You're unemployed now and have far less structure. Doing things regularly is important - eat, sleep, exercise. To that you might add a "regular job" until you're employed, like volunteering or tutoring, dogwalking, or going to a library, juice bar or cafe (herb tea, anyone?) to work on your resume and other projects.

    It's also the darker time of the year, when those of us who are affected by less sun, longer nights, colder weather go down. In addition to the fresh air and walks in the sunshine, you might consider full-spectrum lights. I used them last January and Febuary for 15 minutes every morning and it made a big difference in my SAD.

    Coping with depression is exceedingly difficult. I hope you feel some relief soon.

  2. #12
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    Thank you for your understanding and advice, Jae Rae. I too find it easier to accomplish something when there's some kind of structure. This is a subject I've given quite a lot of thought last few days.. I've maintained unhealthy lifestyle for a month now, and feel much worse. It's a no-brainer to resume healthy lifestyle again... Sleep seems also incredibly important for well-being, especially the point that it's regular.

    Even with optimal lifestyle, I'll have to find my real reasons to do something, so that they motivate me. I was lacking in that department few months ago. I had made convinced myself of my goals, searched out my means and connected all the dots in my life.. but I just once made a complete picture out of it, and then begun to distrust the reasons I had written for myself.

    Perhaps I should draw some picture, diagram or explanation for myself and add to it every day to see how my work relates to my goals each day, so that I can see some emerging purpose and improvement.

    I'm happy to hear you found help from bright lights to help your SAD. I suspected it in myself few years ago, and I too have found help from "light treatment". I am not sure about the light spectrum of the lights I use, but it's been most helpful to set them on timer, so that the room will be bright about an hour before I wake up. I guess humans adjust hormonally to increased brightness in the room they sleep in, so that you'll feel more relaxed when they wake up.

  3. #13

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    Hi there Santtu -

    My husband has been battling with BP II for almost 3 years. What you describe is almost definitely bipolar disorder (of course you need a real diagnosis, though). I am glad to hear that you are seeking treatment.. even though the idea of medications seems to be an unpleasant one for you. Let me just tell you that medication has saved my husbands life, literally. He probably would have committed suicide if he had been unmedicated all this time. And If you are on the right medication, it won't make you feel wierd, or like a different person. This is usually something associated with an antidepressant, which a psychiatrist may or may not prescribe for you (new research shows that antidepressants have very little effect on those with BP). The hardest part about starting medication is (a) finding the right cocktail of meds and (b) remembering to take them. I won't lie to you, it can take quite a while to get some medication that actually works for you, and doesn't have horrid side effects. But overall medication is a good thing.

    At the very least, start seeing a psychologist for some counseling and a diagnosis. And also the lifestyle changes that have already been discussed are of UTMOST importance. I know its very hard to keep a daily routine going, but this is a very important piece of managing your disorder. Going to sleep around the same time every night (Even on weekends) and of course managing your diet too.

    Exercise has been really helping my husband lately. He finds it very hard to control his diet at times, he has major cravings for salty and sweet foods. But exercise is something he can do that seems to be helping. I don't know how old you are, but my husband's BP was kicked into gear when he was 20 because of traumatic life events. And yes, it can be hard on a spouse, but overall... since you seem to not be married yet, it will be easier to go into relationships where your SO is aware from the getgo what your challenges are.

    Anyway, sorry for the novel-length post . I get a little carried away on this subject. Well, I wish you luck and hope you will give us an update on your diagnosis....please feel free to ask me ANY questions you wish...either in this thread or in a PM.
    (P.S. the abbreviation for Bipolar Disorder is commonly BP, when you use BPD it usually means Borderline Personality Disorder, which is a whooolle different ballgame)
    Last edited by ArtlessFuture; 12-02-2007 at 02:01 PM. Reason: typo

  4. #14
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    Ok, I thought a day before responding. What we've done here, ArtlessFuture, is that we've juggled second-hand descriptions around. Any diagnosis ain't getting officially established by that, unless I've missed something.

    I've been searching for something like how I should react to being diagnosed such and such, but I'm getting my original unestablished diagnoses fed back to me. I know about the confirmation bias that bothers even professional psychologists, as proven. Many disorders, such as one suspected for me, are often not believed when encountered personally. So here we have two biases working against each other.

    The truth and the solution is clearly not coming from this way.. but as I've said, I'll get the diagnosis. But there's two more things I'll tell.

    My ISTJ mother is very withdrawn and probably considers personalities with same standards as stocks; they should produce steady and expected value to the stockholder during time, with minimum of volatility.

    Second of all, we have such behavior in diagnostic criteria that isn't even claimed to be dysfunctional.

    I'm not a packet of margarine. I don't have an expiration date, and I haven't made a deal that I'll perform to standards.. I haven't promised to contain 1% of salt, 1% of polyunsaturated fat, etc .. if anyone claims that I've promised that, I'll want to see their receipt of purchase.

    If the medical community can promise me something good, and if I see that the society gives me something back for my admittance of certain diagnosis, then I'll consider it.

    Of course it's one thing to consider a diagnosis for oneself and that of admitting it publicly.

    As of now, I'm seeing that people are being dismissed from life and everything important on the basis of this diagnosis, and they're not being given anything back. So why don't you put yourself in my shoes and think what's it like to be some bastard who can't decide whether to be up or down?

  5. #15

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    Well, It appears that i may have missed some of your subsequent posts further down in the thread. I was basically responding to your initial post. Sorry if this made you feel misunderstood.

    I will offer you this advice: Please be sure to rule out bipolar disorder before taking any kind of antidepressant (without mood stabilizers). This has been known to kick BP people into full blown mania.

    I wish you the best, and believe me....I do empathize with you. I hate to see anyone having to deal with these kinds of problems.

  6. #16
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArtlessFuture View Post
    Well, It appears that i may have missed some of your subsequent posts further down in the thread. I was basically responding to your initial post. Sorry if this made you feel misunderstood.
    No problem, I'm just jumpy at the idea of groupthink taking over..

    Thanks for your insight and ideas.. It sounds important to get the diagnosis right. Thanks that you cared, too.

    I've engaged in all kinds of normal action in life, despite being unmotivated much of the time. Somehow, it strangely seems that I'm not alone. When I walk on the streets of Helsinki, I see similar expressions on faces.. the one dull face telling that they don't really care to do whatever they're doing, but they don't NOT care enough to not do.

    I've noticed this more when I began to do more of everything despite lack of motivation. It makes the time less dull, and the effort less painful. It's a better combination than having motivation but lacking in strength.

    I do have motivation for many things, I just don't see how my actions are connected to those things at the moment.. they're out of reach. Perhaps my next step is to go after those things two. Job I enjoy, time for hobbies, money for hobbies.

  7. #17
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Santtu, it is rather unreasonable for you to expect to be happy by doing all day long a job you don't enjoy and coincidently not to at least be distracted by hobbies that you do enjoy. They only way to be able to work at something you do not like is if the job doesn't require particular mental effort on your side so that you can place your brain and your hands on "automatic" while time passes. Otherwise, it is just like trying to love a girl that you find ugly, stupid, boring and bitchy. You won't be able to do it.

  8. #18
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    Ok, I think I'll update this old story.

    I stopped using excessive amount of caffeine after receiving some advice, inspired by this thread. So..

    I've been excessively calm and balanced in my daily life ever since, much less anxious, nervous or anything. Before I had to resist some excessive emotions coming up, now I can't bring myself to the edge even if I tried. Attention span has improved a lot, too.

    On the negative side, I don't feel so easy to work whenever I decide, even if I'm tired. But then again, this mental balance has brought much better things than what I had with being a sad workaholic. I enjoy my job, and I'm able to do it. Instead of working hard, I work smart.

    And I used excessive caffeine for what, 5-10 years without realizing the effects it had on me? I always looked forward to the caffeine rush.. it got me excited, thinking it did good for me, and never thinking it was related to anxiousness and other things.

    So, I consider myself cured

    edit: there's excessive number repetitions of the word excessive in here. Imagination unit off-line.. must go to sleep.. tired
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #19
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Santtu, did you get headaches when you went off the caffeine? I quit periodically (high blood pressure, really should avoid it entirely) but it's so much easier to find diet soda with caffeine than not so I always end up hooked again. Then if I go for longer than a day without any I get horrible headaches.

    When were you diagnosed with BD? Is it possible that you were misdiagnosed and you were actually suffering from caffeine OD/withdrawal symptoms? (I don't want this question to seem dismissive of BD which I understand is a serious illness but I also think it's somewhat difficult to diagnose, is that right?)
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  10. #20
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    Borderline Personality Disorder = BPD
    Bipolar Disorder = BD

    I'm not sure what's being discussed here not having read the whole thing... did BPD come in somewhere?

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