Emotion and Regulation

[Coriolis]

Depends on what you mean by "wise." Personally, I would say that Reason (cost-benefit analyses, logic) becomes "wise" when it can incorporate or correctly prioritize things like empathy, kindness, compassion, caring, charity, moral codes, religion, custom, legal systems defining right and wrong etc.. And I think all that gets us into the determination and prioritization of values, which are traditionally within the realm of Emotion (and Fi in particular).

There exists the field of "Moral Reasoning" which talks about using logic to decide ethical issues. But again, that implies some sophistication at dealing with values, morals, and ethics, again, the realm of Emotion.

Perhaps I'm being too much of a stickler in insisting on this kind of a hard dichotomy between Emotion and Reason. But values (in the non-monetary sense) are very much part of the realm of Fi; and a form of Reason that doesn't take into account these kinds of values isn't going to get very far on its own.

So yeah, "wise" cost-benefit analysis implies (to me) a sophistication with values, which presupposes a level of emotional maturity or sophistication. IOW, to repeat my earlier point, a mere facility at cost-benefit analyses isn't enough by itself, in isolation. It's a minor point, but those Spock-like young Thinkers who would pretend to disdain Feelings would thus be less "wise" than they think themselves.

Of course, the opposite is true, too. An emotionally mature person who disdains Reason (cost-benefit analyses, logic) isn't going to be "wise" either. But that's more or less taken for granted in this day and age.

No cost/benefit analysis can be undertaken independent of values, because without values, we don't know what is important to us. Just calling something a "benefit" is applying a value to it: it is good, while its absence or opposite is bad. Even the word "cost" can be a value judgment. Are the 3 hours I spend helping my friend a cost to me, or a joy, or both?

Understand, too, that while values are associated with Fi, Fi is not emotion. I would actually put emotion itself - how we feel in response to people and situations - in the category of sensation, much like feeling cold or feeling how comfortable my new shoes are on my feet. So, one benefit of something might be that it corrects a persistent unfairness. If I agree this is a benefit, it means I value fairness. Now experiencing or witnessing the unfairness might have made me feel anger, or perhaps compassion for the victims. These are the emotions associated with the situation which, combined with my values, can motivate me to take action.

I thank you for responding to my post. I do wonder though, if it's at all feasible to prepare for so many potential outcomes as it relates to our emotions, and instead of training for certain scenarios, you train more broadly, in how to deal with the flows and fluctuations of your own emotions. In essence, the scenarios suggested by you, do this as well, but (not sure if you were being literal with your examples) what we can learn from any situation really, is how our emotional responses showed itself in a given situation, what can we do about it, and what can we do better next time? The judgement criteria I have tended to abide by, is if my emotional responses render me unable to continue about my day, meaning do they leave me wallowing in some pit of momentary depression, or do my responses, and therefore reaction to such responses, allow me to recognize the situation, learn from it, and find a use to the occasion. As volatile as some people can be in reaction to their emotions, or, their impulses may be, I would say the opposite end of the spectrum is just as destructive. Meaning, ignoring such emotional responses and not taking the opportunity to learn and grow from them, would do you no better.

I agree that the more generalized the training or practice, the better. One finds the same troublesome emotions coming up in different situations with different root causes. It is then not so much how to act in the specific scenario that is trained, but how to respond to the specific emotion produced. Then a completely new situation can produce, say, anger and you instantly recognize the emotion, set it aside, and deal with the situation itself, without letting the anger itself drive your response.

 

[Tennessee Jed]

I thank you for responding to my post. [... snipped]

Oh, okay. I think I understand.

In the four examples that I listed in my previous post, I was just providing some random illustrations of the "prepare or train for it" mindset. I could come up with a dozen other similar examples; there are lots of ways to "prepare or train" for different common situations and challenges in life.

But in the meantime, you seem to be asking about how to deal with one broad scenario in particular. In your latest post you said:

[...] instead of training for certain scenarios, you train more broadly, in how to deal with the flows and fluctuations of your own emotions. [...] what we can learn from any situation really, is how our emotional responses showed itself in a given situation, what can we do about it, and what can we do better next time? The judgement criteria I have tended to abide by, is if my emotional responses render me unable to continue about my day, meaning do they leave me wallowing in some pit of momentary depression, or do my responses, and therefore reaction to such responses, allow me to recognize the situation, learn from it, and find a use to the occasion."

As I see it, the problem you're describing is that of excess emotionality, of emotional reactivity, of big emotional highs and lows during the day which catch you by surprise and disrupt your day. Anyway, that's what it sounds like.

There are a couple ways that you can handle this. For example, you can "take your emotional pulse," study your emotional ups and downs, and develop coping mechanisms for things that create emotional extremes. That seems to be what you're suggesting in your post. In fact, toward the end of your post you seem to suggest that *not* studying one's emotional responses might leave one emotionally stunted.

I have no problem with people who want to take this approach. I myself, however, probably wouldn't advocate it. I'm an old-school guy, 60 years old, an ex-Marine, etc., and in my opinion spending a lot of time taking one's own "emotional pulse" seems kind of like it would lead to hypochondria and an excess of navel-gazing.

As an old-school guy, my own response to this situation would be, "You need to develop a tougher skin." Too much emotionalism or emotional reactivity would indicate to me that you need to become wiser in the ways of the world so that you aren't so easily caught by surprise or taken aback or floored by daily events. So I would tend to recommend some self-help books on subjects such as:

1. Spotting narcissists, users, and abusers. If you know how to identify and deal with backstabbers and trouble-makers in your life, it will bring you a lot of self-confidence and peace.

2. Setting personal boundaries with everyday acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and family members. How much time and attention do you owe the people around you, and how much do they owe you? How much effort should you invest in relationships, and when is it time to bail on the relationship and cut your losses? With a good grasp of personal boundaries, you'll know exactly when and how to say "yes," "no," and "hell no" when people make demands on you.

3. Spotting and fixing specific bad habits in your own thinking and actions. Study up on common pitfalls in everyday psychology that trip people up if you're not aware of them. Where are you screwing up? How are you holding yourself back?

And so on...

Again, that's just my own approach. This approach kind of goes along with my mindset of "prepare and train" as suggested in my previous post.

But whatever. If you would prefer to study your emotional reactions in an attempt to learn how to manage them, that's fine with me. A certain level of self-knowledge is beneficial, as long as it doesn't turn into a spiral of hypochondria and navel-gazing.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

The main problem I have with devaluing emotional responses, of assuming that we have complete control over how the outside world influences us, is that to maintain that belief, we can press the natural, even healthy negative emotional responses into our subconscious and into our bodies and continue to tolerate harmful behaviors towards us in our environment. It can be a type of denial.

If one finds themselves in an environment where they are constantly being berated by others, then it is actually natural and healthy to feel some anger, some hurt, and other negative emotions in response to that because it is not okay to harm and devalue others in word or deed. The negative emotional response is a way to assert one's own presence in reality. The reaction is fight or flight, just as when we encounter physical harm.

There is evidence that human beings are affected by negative psychological dynamics just as they are affected by negative physical dynamics. Stockholm Syndrome is a prime example, harmful interrogation techniques that break people are another example. We would all like to think our internal choices are infinite, but they are not. We all have a psychological breaking point and our emotional responses are the nervous system that alerts us to when destructive processes have begun, it alerts us to when old wounds have not healed. It can provide the best information we need to negotiate how to live in the world with the least damage to our personal selves and to find a way to have the most strength and health, both emotionally and physically.

 

[LightSun]

I don't see too much emotional regulation as a sizable percentage.
In CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) and REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) under every negative emotion are cognitive distortions in the thought process.
I see our news, politicians and broadcasters use labels, judgment and pejoratives.
It is all right to stick to facts or else take private ownership of how one feels in a personal sense. Because I do not see this I think it has to start in early education.

Having Cognitive Mindfulness and Empathy Skills as Part of the Curriculum
"There is much discussion of change andblesshaving a paradigm shift in consciousness. For things to get better it starts with the children, education and parental upbringing.
I am sharing a pet peeve of mine when it came to the audience members of Facebook and (Myers Briggs Typology Index) Forums. A sizable majority don't utilize cause and effect to support their position.
Instead they make use of correlations such as, (1) "The eyes are the mirror of the soul." It has no basis in fact. Look at Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, white color criminals and the divorce rates. This is not to mention domestic violence. Most people can be thought to possess kind eyes if we project unto them.

My next point is almost rhetorical. How do we get the general populace to utilize critical thinking and make use of mindful cognitive discipline? Another whopper, (2) "Love will solve all the answers." There cannot be, not without balanced reason. I put out 165+ 'notes' on cognitive distortions, resiliency, blind spots and various topics. Yet this knowledge is not assimilated unless there is an interest or background of being familiar with the terminology. To be fair that is how the human species learn. Our brains filter in and out information every day to every living person.

Hypothesis: "Things won't change. (3) "We are in the area of a new spiritual awakening." If that is so then school bullying wouldn't be a problem. It's a readily handy problem and fixable. Resource and attention isn't adhered. We can't evolve until the school systems teach empathy and cognitive discipline. We need to learn to think and feel. The way I see it there has to be scientific research done in control and experimental groups to show the significant (if any) disparity of students learning cognitive discipline and empathy exercise against the one's that don't receive such instruction. What are the graduation rates of the control and experimental group? What is the percentile of crime in the two studies group? What is the happiness ratio of the two sets?"

 

[Mole]

Oh, okay. there are lots of ways to "prepare or train" for different common situations and challenges in life.

Again, that's just my own approach. This approach kind of goes along with my mindset of "prepare and train"

There is training and education.

We train by repetition and we educate by discovery.

As a trance can be induced by any repetition, so training is a form of hypnosis.

And we hypnotise when we want to block out part of our conscious experience. So training is vital for the military who need to block out the moral injunctions we learn in civilian life, such as thou shalt not kill.

So training takes over the conscious mind and shuts it down, while education opens up the conscious mind, and sets it free for discovery.

 

[Coriolis]

The main problem I have with devaluing emotional responses, of assuming that we have complete control over how the outside world influences us, is that to maintain that belief, we can press the natural, even healthy negative emotional responses into our subconscious and into our bodies and continue to tolerate harmful behaviors towards us in our environment. It can be a type of denial.

If one finds themselves in an environment where they are constantly being berated by others, then it is actually natural and healthy to feel some anger, some hurt, and other negative emotions in response to that because it is not okay to harm and devalue others in word or deed. The negative emotional response is a way to assert one's own presence in reality. The reaction is fight or flight, just as when we encounter physical harm.

I agree that feeling anger or hurt in such sitations is natural and healthy, just like feeling pain when you burn your hand on a pan is natural and healthy. It seems better to address the root cause of the anger/hurt, though, rather than simply accept it because it is natural. If we find we are burning ourselves often when cooking, time to get better pot holders or learn better technique. Similarly we should try to address the constant berating by others, either by getting them to stop, or by moving to a better environment.