Lol..yeah, I knew that was a risk. What I meant to say was that you feel sometimes like yo uare from another planet? It is possible to acclimatise this planet to resemble 'home' to some extent, the way people in Sci-Fi movies do when they move to some planet far far away that is so different from ours that it doesnt even support oxygen. And then they install facilities to generate that oxygen, to make it livable...but it makes life on that foreign planet still very limited due to the oxygen only being generated in those facilities.
Building those facilities in this world, in this life = finding what feels 'right', finding that 'true love', putting some elements of the fantasy world we 4s long for into reality. And it is exhausting, limiting and frustrating. But it can be done
Melancholy is just a form of beauty that happy people can't recognize, like the way other species see colors we can't see. Melancholy is comforting and soothing and familiar and good. I also prefer rain to sunny weather, and cold to hot, and slow, sad songs to fast, happy ones.
For me, there's beauty in deep emotional truth - it doesn't really matter if it's upbeat or melancholy in nature. I do think happy truths can be powerful if they are conveyed honestly; unfortunately they often aren't.
BTW I like rain too.
INFP 4w5 so/sp
I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.
- Emily Bronte
For me it's having these grand aspirations and knowing that I can never achieve them, that no one could, but still feeling like a failure for it. I am deeply ashamed of my inadequacies, yet I fantasize excessively about these archetypes of perfection while carefully crafting this image of someone who's cool and aloof and doesn't really care. It's a cerebral sort of masochism, daily.
Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness." ― Kurt Vonnegut
I'm conscious of an inner arrogance that life is all about overcoming. For the youngest portion of my life, I denied it was there, but it was, peeking through. If you feel so low, why are your fantasies so rich? You think you're weaker than the rest? But lest you forget, only one can be the least. One, singled out, unique. Even if locked in the shadows, still got to be princess of them. That's an unhealthy four. Being alerted to this narcissism hurt because when I faced it for the first time, I found it morally wrong, and that was a sincere judgment through and through. A real feeling that was neither manic nor depressive, but relevant. That's what beginning to integrate to one can be: suddenly, the inner worlds you spent your whole childhood dwelling in feel as unreal as they actually are. But it's positive because you can bring their color back by taking action in the objective world! And the notions that are too grandiose to realize dehydrate and pass on naturally because they're not even so entertaining anymore without that third dimension of tangible progress. I'm still average and not as stable or motivated as I ought to be. You can still smell the youth on me. I still cycle moods, and the lows have a familiar old flavor. But I have a sense of what is and isn't real. Life is slowly but surely starting to move.
In the areas of envy and melancholy, I'm the reverse of what a few people have said.
The envy is more of an issue, feeling like someone stuck a giant pillow between me and the world, muffling my actualization. (Notice a little background voice shouting "I WANNA BE HEARD WITHOUT HAVING TO SPEAK!!!"?) At worst, I could claw that pillow to shreds. At best, I realize that I am holding the pillow and can put it down whenever I want. On a more focused sx level, part of being infatuated is wanting to be the target of infatuation. I recall having a crush on a movie character as a very young girl and expressing it by getting my hair cut like his.
The melancholic, though? Maybe sometime, I actually ought to try sitting with the feeling for a while rather than running around in my head searching for the way back into the sun. The previous sentence is a thought I've never had before. Anyway, rain drives me up the wall, although I do love oppressive, deadening heat. Until about the age of 18, I didn't have the patience for slow, calm music at all. I recently had an art piece commented on as "gothic...a little too ornately, like you're trying." I found that very embarrassing! You bet the next creation was as trimmed-down as I could make it while retaining the hard topic at its base.
4w5 6w7 1w2 sx/sp ⏩ ISFP
RLOAX (don't do it) ⏩ Melancholic Hufflepuff
A lonely island where only what is permitted to move moves, becomes an ideal. Jung
We have a lot of Enneagram 4s on the forum and this type is a bit of a mystery to me. For those of you are 4s, can you explain how you experience life as a 4? How do you see the fixations/vices of a 4 - melancholy, fantasizing, envy - as distorting how you experience life on a day to day basis? How strong of an influence or grip do those things have on you?
This may not be true for every 4, but how I experience my 4-ness is something like this:
I am acutely, painfully aware of my self in the universe. I feel a deep melancholy from being separated from the rest of the universe, but at the same time I struggle to remain separated. I am extremely self-obsessed, and I am not ashamed to say it. I want to completely feel and be what I am. It's the experience of being in this very condition that I strive for.
I am touchy about my being me, and even when I'm flawed, I'm uniquely flawed, and that is all part of me. Fours have a thing for being flawed, and perhaps this is what motivated the separation from the universe in the first place. Fours love their special place there, but are ashamed by it as well.
Because I need to be me, I want to experience all aspects of myself, and that means I crave all kinds of emotional stimuli. When I see other people having an emotional reaction or a mind state or just about anything internal that I don't, I get awfully jealous, because I so want to experience it myself.
I don't need to prove to other people that I am unique. I just need to believe that I am.
On the surface, no one ever guesses I'm a 4. No one gets to know about anything that goes on under the surface, because I usually keep it all nicely tugged under some nice cheery Fe.
So sometimes I feel trapped, and I experience turbulent emotions, good ones, bad ones, scary ones, and sometimes I want to run away and completely wreck my life and then throw myself off a cliff. It's hard to explain.
^I relate to that, most definitely' That feeling of 'right' I was talking about is about feeling emotionally connected. And yes, the isolation and loneliness is maddening when you feel detached from others, from life, from the universe. As is the envy when you see others 'connecting' and you aren't able to
I like 4's because they can endlessly take something small and make it emotionally impressive and somehow worthwhile, as opposed to myself, where I'm basically the unicron of stimulation seeking and my life gets more and more boring as it goes on and I run out of new and interesting things to do and learn about.