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Thread: Comforting 6s?

  1. #11
    I'm not Trunks
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    I only follow certain rules which makes sense to me. I understand perfectly what I'm doing, my dad rarely punish me if I breaks the rules in the family, he gave me an advices and he know what kind of punishment works well with me. I'm daddy's girl btw..

  2. #12
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Just a certain level of understanding. I don't mind suggestions at the right time, it's only human nature to offer suggestions when there is a problem. Worst thing is to just say "it'll be okay" or something. But nobody likes that. Even if you're not a six. Actually, this is really good advice for dealing with females in general I think.
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    "6's are even anxious of their anxiety!" The worst thing someone can do is emphasize how irrational or weird my worries are - which then layers whatever fear I have with something being wrong with me. If its something really under my skin, major worry going on, I appreciate being supported but I also want a solution. I want someone to take me seriously and kinda get into my thought process. E5's are fantastic at patiently & calmly considering the various factors and weird patterns (or non patterns) I've come up with, rationally deconstructing them and showing me where I am leaping without making me feel weird, stupid or rejected.

    When it is something smaller I just want to see friends and family being supportive, caring about how I'm doing and making it clear that they will stand by me no matter what happens.

    I tend to comfort people the same way.. but problem solving or showing loyalty.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  4. #14
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    When I'm overwhelmed by negative emotions the best thing you can do is just leave me alone, though that may just be the w5 talking... Support is nice, but sometimes I just need to sort things out in my own mind.

  5. #15
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thistle View Post
    6s, how do you prefer to be treated/comforted when overwhelmed by negative emotion? When you make an emotion-related problem aware to another, what kind of response do you hope for? What is the worst thing someone can do when you are in distress?

    (Bonus question, if you're interested: how do you go about comforting others when you see them in distress?)
    Listen to me talk. Reassure me that my feelings are not abnormal. If I seem like I'm trying to sense-check something ("Am I just being paranoid? Am I? Am I? Why does this stuff always happen to me?"), be realistic if you must but don't say "oh come on, you can't be serious!" or anything like that. (Something along the lines of "oh, I totally understand why you feel that way, I probably would too...but I don't think he meant it to come out like that" and then explain why, would probably help. Or, depending on the situation: "No, I don't think you're paranoid at all and it's completely normal you would feel that way. I would probably be even more upset if I were you!")

    Remind me that I'm loved. Tell me you appreciate me, ask me if you can do something for me. Offer to do something concrete. Show that you're loyal and reassuring. If you're someone I value and I seem somehow anxious about the people around me or my relationships, reassure me of the good people in my life and their care for me, including your own.

    By the way, I don't usually need the above very badly. I am anxious but mostly it's not that obvious externally (though i think I am getting a little worse as I get older.) But...sometimes I need it more than I'm letting on.

    As for how I comfort or reassure others: Similar things, I guess. I will acknowledge and not dismiss their feelings, but also try to bring in gentle reality checks (sometimes you have to be very gentle about this.) Reassure them I'm there for them, tell them how I intend to offer support, tell them it's normal to have such feelings, etc.

    Act calm. Surprisingly, I'm very good at that (or perhaps not surprisingly - I think with a lot of 6s the anxiety is not very externally expressed.) A lot of people over the years have told me I'm calm and it has helped them calm down.
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  6. #16
    Senior Member Turtledove's Avatar
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    With words of wisdom and optimism.

  7. #17
    Senior Member SubtleFighter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thistle View Post
    6s, how do you prefer to be treated/comforted when overwhelmed by negative emotion? When you make an emotion-related problem aware to another, what kind of response do you hope for? What is the worst thing someone can do when you are in distress?

    (Bonus question, if you're interested: how do you go about comforting others when you see them in distress?)
    I would really rather talk things out with people than sort it through myself. I would prefer it if someone else notices that I'm upset and offers to help (just this act itself already makes me feel better because that reassures me that I have a support). But if I'm alone and I decide to call someone to talk, the worst thing they can do is act like they think I'm weird for having these feelings. Just let me talk it out, assure me that I'm not nuts for feeling this way, and after I'm done talking, either gently nudge me in the right direction (a gentle reality check) or just affirm my feelings or give me some suggestions for how to make it better. Another bad thing for someone to do is give me no response at all. Some members of my family do this where I'm talking to them to their faces and then they are just silent afterwards, and it drives me nuts. This defeats the purpose of me talking to them in the first place, and now I'm wondering what they're really thinking, and (because I'm a 6) I will worry about all the negative possibilities of what their silence means.

    If I see that someone else is upset, I will gently see if they want to talk about it because that's what I'd want someone else to do for me. If they indicate that they don't, I leave them alone. But I at least want to offer.
    "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."--Ambrose Redmoon

    . . . metamorphosing . . .

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by thistle View Post
    So if you don't seek out comfort and keep things to yourself, how do you react when someone tries to offer comfort?
    It's probably coming from a deep-seated distrust of others and fear of intimacy/rejection, but I usually don't allow others to comfort me. That is, I don't show that I need to be comforted in the first place, but if that doesn't work then I deflect like crazy until they lose interest.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  9. #19
    Senior Member EntangledLight's Avatar
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    When i'm "overwhelmed" i just need time to think about and then plan for whatever is bothering me. Mainly i just need space, i need the other person to know that it's nothing personal, and that while i still care for them, giving me space will help us both out.

    When i let others know about an "emotionally related" problem i just want what everyone wants: an effort on the audience's part to understand.

    The worst thing someone can do when i'm stressed is to make big issues of small things because i'll be in a "fix-it" mentality, and i'll have a hard time differentiating the importance of emotional problems when i am stressed, which results in trying to do too much or just getting fed up and not doing anything. The next worst thing is getting mad when i'm reserved or unresponsive--taking it personally in other words--for me, it just means that i'm preoccupied and i realize that this angst isn't going away until i deal with it, and the sooner the better for everyones' sake.

    When others are distressed i'll just try to read them as best i can--i don't deal with everyone the same way--although i think it's best to give one time to be at a better place mentally before engaging them.

    Hope that helps .

  10. #20
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    To be honest, I really don't let others know about any sort of negative feelings that I possess at any given time. I can usually deal with such feelings on my own just fine and don't require any sort of comforting; in fact I sometimes thrive off basking in a negative state of mind. Anger, contempt, vengeance, paranoia; to live a life without such emotions would be a mistake. Granted this results in me bottling up rage to possibly unhealthy degrees.

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