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Thread: The Hardest Type to be in The Enneagram

  1. #1
    Stansmith
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    Default The Hardest Type to be in The Enneagram

    The consensus seems to be that 4s have it the hardest but honestly, being a 4 seems like a piece of cake from my perspective. Being a phobic NF 6 is hell; you don't know what you want, you're plain, you're boring, a coward, you feel ugly, everything scares you, you feel like you're on a one-way trip to oblivion every consecutive day. You go through a mid-life crisis by the time you reach puberty. Unlike 4s, we don't like feeling this way. We don't make classic indie albums or pretty art house films out of our suffering, we fear it and don't know what to do with it.

    Of course, all types can be insecure and indecisive, but for 6s, that's what average level looks like. Every other type at average level is either likeable, interesting or feels good about themselves (even if it's detrimental), whereas average 6s are just passive-aggressive neurotic plain janes who life life in fear 24/7.

    Heres how the other types at average health compare:

    1 - Decisive, they know exactly what they want and how they want to live their lives.

    2 - Positive outlook. They're charitable, have great social skills and people like them.

    3 - They enjoy hard work, thus achieve status easily. Everyone envies them, they get all the ho's, they're focused. Not a single day goes by where their ego isn't stroked. They're great, and they know it. I doubt their farts even smell bad.

    4 - Sure, they torture themselves with emotion, but this feels good to them. It gives them a sense of purpose, it makes them feel unique. With 6s its just pure, inescapable dread that you just wish would end. They're also creative, unique and stand out, and never put a filter on their imagination. We're plain janes compared to them.

    Having an identity and a solid perception of who you are>>>>>>>Being a boring confused mess

    5 - They're intellegent and decisive

    7 - They're positive-outlook, assertive, confident and they're always having fun without fear. They never dwell on anything. They contribute energy to a group dynamic.

    8 - They're assertive, aggressive and confident.

    9 - Positive outlook. People like them and they never worry about anything.


    There's literally no positive twist you can give to being an average-level phobic NF 6, we pretty much have to be at extremely healthy levels to enjoy our lives and stand out as people. We're the guys rappers are reffering to when they talk about "b-tch n-ggas". Being an NT or SJ 6 is probably alright in comparison. I'm sure some people "like" us, but we're too insecure to even see that or accept it for what it is (the same goes for any positive trait or talent that we may have), and that's why I say it's a sh-tty existence.
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  2. #2
    Stansmith
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    Being an average level 4w3







    Being an average level 6w7






  3. #3
    WALMART
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    I remember testing 6, when I was rather down on life. I hated the concept. It was the source of everything wrong with my perceived self, as if I'd found the lair of the rabbit hole.

    Then I tested 9, as I got healthier. I identify much more strongly with that type, as well as 8 - something I first scored as years ago. But I may still be a 6...

    I think a lot of 6's are stuck in that mode without any true pangs of introspection, I don't think the qualities they possess are ever examined with any real depth, making it a lot easier - and interesting - to be themselves. Probably strong introverted irrational types - Si and Ni, moreso the latter.

    So ya. Feel your pain. But you clearly have the tool of introspection, you can grow if you don't like it! Ten minutes of thought daily forges neural pathways conducent to change.

  4. #4
    Unapologetic being Array Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stansmith View Post
    The consensus seems to be that 4s have it the hardest but honestly, being a 4 seems like a piece of cake from my perspective. Being a phobic NF 6 is hell; you don't know what you want, you're plain, you're boring, a coward, you feel ugly, everything scares you, you feel like you're on a one-way trip to oblivion every consecutive day. You go through a mid-life crisis by the time you reach puberty. Unlike 4s, we don't like feeling this way. We don't make classic indie albums or pretty art house films out of our suffering, we fear it and don't know what to do with it.

    Of course, all types can be insecure and indecisive, but for 6s, that's what average level looks like. Every other type at average level is either likeable, interesting or feels good about themselves (even if it's detrimental), whereas average 6s are just passive-aggressive neurotic plain janes who are scared of their own reflections.

    Heres how the other types at average health compare:

    1 - They know exactly what they want.

    2 - Positive outlook. They're charitable, have great social skills and people like them.

    3 - The enjoy hard work, thus achieve status easily. Everyone envies them, they get all the ho's, they're focused. Not a single day goes by where their ego isn't stroked. They're great, and they know it.

    4 - Sure, they torture themselves with emotion, but this feels good to them. It gives them a sense of purpose, it makes them feel unique. With 6s its just pure, inescapable dread that you just wish would end. They're also creative, unique and stand out, and never put a filter on their imagination. We're plain janes compared to them.

    Having an identity and a solid perception of who you are>>>>>>>Being a boring confused mess

    5 - They're intellegent and decisive

    7 - They're positive-outlook, assertive, confident and they're always having fun without fear. They never dwell on anything.

    8 - They're assertive, aggressive and confident

    9 - Positive outlook. People like them and they never worry about anything.


    There's literally no positive twist you can give to being an average-level phobic NF 6, we pretty much have to be at extremely healthy levels to enjoy life. We're the guys rappers are reffering to when they talk about "b-tch n-ggas". Being an NT or SJ 6 is probably alright in comparison.

    Yea, being a six is crazy

    I have always said I'm so happy I'm not an NF...not because I dont' like them...quite the opposite...I love them. But it must be very difficult.

    My saying used to be that an NT goes home and when they sit alone and think of the world...they hate the world

    When an NF goes home and sits and thinks about the world alone they think the world hates them

    I will have to agree with you that it's difficult being a six...and to add to the being a 6 NF.

    I don't know what it's like to be anyother enneagram though, so I'm not sure if it would be any better.

    4's are the most sensitive of all the enneagram though...I would rather be a 6 than a 4. Although I love 4's as well.

    I have come to a place (from pretty much having a mini life crisis breakdown) that I can now say I love being a 6.

    It is very annoying though going through the day thinking about all of the deep and meaningful shit (like death, and anxiety, independence, etc.) and then you meet other people and they don't have as much going on in their head. It make me feel like an alien.

    I'm constantly thinking about the truths of the universe lol...and everyone else it thinking about how mad they are at their mom, and how they didn't get the gift they wanted, or what party they're going to next.

    I think about those things I guess...but the big stuff is ALWAYS on my mind.

    I suggest more reflecting would be useful to help you on your path.

    I know since I've started a journal back up...I've felt 100% better.

    You're Fi will also appreciate it. I would reflect so that you can learn who u were, who u r, who you want to be. In that you'll find out what you like and don't like.


    Quote Originally Posted by superunknown View Post
    I remember testing 6, when I was rather down on life. I hated the concept. It was the source of everything wrong with my perceived self, as if I'd found the lair of the rabbit hole.

    Then I tested 9, as I got healthier. I identify much more strongly with that type, as well as 8 - something I first scored as years ago. But I may still be a 6...

    I think a lot of 6's are stuck in that mode without any true pangs of introspection, I don't think the qualities they possess are ever examined with any real depth, making it a lot easier - and interesting - to be themselves. Probably strong introverted irrational types - Si and Ni, moreso the latter.

    So ya. Feel your pain. But you clearly have the tool of introspection, you can grow if you don't like it! Ten minutes of thought daily forges neural pathways conducent to change.
    The stuff in bold is for realzies! It's the stuff that really matters.

    PS superunknown (I think you're a 9)
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  5. #5
    Stansmith
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    4's are the most sensitive of all the enneagram though...I would rather be a 6 than a 4. Although I love 4's as well.
    I'm sensitive as hell. The difference is, 4s find a sense of purpose in their negative emotions, whereas for xNFP 6s, negative feelings are another layer of things to be anxious about. Pain to 4s is like heroin, while pain for 6s is like a giant anchor or parasite.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Array pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    I'm sure you wanted someone to reassure you, but actually I think you are completely right.

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    yeah...i mean...even as a seven i can see from the distance that there's beauty in the melancholy...the wistfulness...the pure agony of having such depth of emotion.

    beautiful broken people...raindrops and sad music

    so yeah... if that experience is like heroin then i guess you'd say the sixes experience is that of coming off heroin...nervous and twisty and needing a fix...someone or something to soothe their frazzled nerves.

    endlessly....
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    -Jim Morrison

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    Sugar Hiccup Array OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    The consensus seems to be that 4s have it the hardest but honestly, being a 4 seems like a piece of cake from my perspective.
    I have some envy for 6s, because however maddeningly insecure they are & whatever insane mental strategy they are adopting to combat the boogeyman, people still seem to like them. Compared to average 4s, phobic 6s in particular make friends, find partners, & get jobs easier, etc. I'm not saying they don't have a paranoid projected minefield of nonexistent threats onto every patch of reality; and no, I wouldn't want that paranoia.

    From the outside, it looks pretty good to be a 6 though; you can be pretty messed up & still be regarded as relatively "normal". The inside seems tumultuous though, and I don't envy that cuz I got my own there.

    Being a phobic NF 6 is hell; you don't know what you want, you're plain, you're boring, a coward, you feel ugly, everything scares you, you feel like you're on a one-way trip to oblivion every consecutive day. You go through a mid-life crisis by the time you reach puberty. Unlike 4s, we don't like feeling this way. We don't make classic indie albums or pretty art house films out of our suffering, we fear it and don't know what to do with it.
    Average 4s are not all successful, hip artist, trust me. Most of us just write crap poetry and dress like we think we're artists, without the real talent to show for it (or at least we'e too ashamed to show any amateur creation we've scratched out). The best we can do is make ourselves into something of an "art". And so people read us as pretentious, contrived, and vain. They seem to admire us (from afar), but they don't really like us, and they certainly don't want to befriend, date, or hire us. The gulf between you & other people as a 4 is really hard, especially as the desire to connect deeply is perhaps strongest with us.

    4s don't really enjoy negative emotion either. It's just preferred to the alternative - the mundane & everyday meaninglessness which throws our own insignificance into our faces. I guess you could say we have outlets, but they tend to fuel the sense of alienation or the pretentious persona others reject. 6s get more sympathy... 4s freak people out or depress them by reminding them of stuff they don't want to think about.

    And we may go through existential / identity crises every 2 years or so...


    Of course, all types can be insecure and indecisive, but for 6s, that's what average level looks like. Every other type at average level is either likeable, interesting or feels good about themselves (even if it's detrimental), whereas average 6s are just passive-aggressive neurotic plain janes who life life in fear 24/7.
    Lower average levels are rough for many types, except for maybe the few regarded as "well-adjusted" when average (1, 9 & 3 perhaps). Since the 6 fix is a common one, people can be more understanding to their neurotic tendencies though. It's like the normal way to be "off". I guess from the outside, many people seem to have it better than they do.

    As you've demonstrated with your examples, average 4 is really only okay if you're exceptionally talented, smart &/or have achieved some fame or success with your weirdness. Otherwise, you're just a difficult, moody, fruitless individual in the eyes of many.

    ---

    This was fun. We should do it again sometime.
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  9. #9
    Stansmith
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I have some envy for 6s, because however maddeningly insecure they are & whatever insane mental strategy they are adopting to combat the boogeyman, people still seem to like them. Compared to average 4s, phobic 6s in particular make friends, find partners, & get jobs easier, etc. I'm not saying they don't have a paranoid projected minefield of nonexistent threats onto every patch of reality; and no, I wouldn't want that paranoia.

    From the outside, it looks pretty good to be a 6 though; you can be pretty messed up & still be regarded as relatively "normal". The inside seems tumultuous though, and I don't envy that cuz I got my own there.



    Average 4s are not all successful, hip artist, trust me. Most of us just write crap poetry and dress like we think we're artists, without the real talent to show for it (or at least we'e too ashamed to show any amateur creation we've scratched out). The best we can do is make ourselves into something of an "art". And so people read us as pretentious, contrived, and vain. They seem to admire us (from afar), but they don't really like us, and they certainly don't want to befriend, date, or hire us. The gulf between you & other people as a 4 is really hard, especially as the desire to connect deeply is perhaps strongest with us.

    4s don't really enjoy negative emotion either. It's just preferred to the alternative - the mundane & everyday meaninglessness which throws our own insignificance into our faces. I guess you could say we have outlets, but they tend to fuel the sense of alienation or the pretentious persona others reject. 6s get more sympathy... 4s freak people out or depress them by reminding them of stuff they don't want to think about.

    And we may go through existential / identity crises every 2 years or so...




    Lower average levels are rough for many types, except for maybe the few regarded as "well-adjusted" when average (1, 9 & 3 perhaps). Since the 6 fix is a common one, people can be more understanding to their neurotic tendencies though. It's like the normal way to be "off". I guess from the outside, many people seem to have it better than they do.

    As you've demonstrated with your examples, average 4 is really only okay if you're exceptionally talented, smart &/or have achieved some fame or success with your weirdness. Otherwise, you're just a difficult, moody, fruitless individual in the eyes of many.

    ---

    This was fun. We should do it again sometime.
    The grass is always greener I guess. People also see me as vain, strange (being an ENFP male) and pretentious, but my main issue is the self-consciousness and insecurity that keeps me from being my best self.

    I romanticize 4s as being people who own their freakishness, while I have to constantly fight it and be at odds with it until I end up becoming a lonely bore.

  10. #10
    lurking Array Rasofy's Avatar
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    In a way, 6 is one of the easiest types to be, as everyone seems to like them, plus they can do great in pretty much any field. Otoh, you won't see many 5s playing basketball on an elite level.

    4s win in ineptitude, while 5s make the most frustrating partners.

    Imo/ime:

    1-easy
    2-moderate
    3-easy
    4-hard
    5-hard
    6-moderate
    7-moderate
    8-easy
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    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


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