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[Traditional Enneagram] WDYT....male 3w4SX & Female 4w3


New member
Nov 30, 2017
I have never been in a relationship with a 3 before. I have the wing..and have built a stable career. We are both in mid 30's. He seems very focused, attentive & serious about pursuing the relationship. A little more shot caller personality that mine...I'm more chill/submissive in comparison. Curious if it might work, he seems like a great fit in a challenging way! I'm either sx first or second...

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Dec 14, 2016
I have read that 4s and 3s actually don't work well together.

I'm a 4 and I married a 3. It didn't go well at all, but my ex-husband is clinically narcissistic. I found him to be fake and exhibitionistic (it was charming and entertaining at first but got old fast) and was never able to connect with him on a deep level. Unhealthy 3s are also very unpleasant and like to point out to others how they are "unsuccessful" in comparison to the 3 as a way to lift themselves up, which will only heighten the 4's feelings of inferiority, or at least emotional frustration.

Typing isn't everything, but I personally cannot recommend this pairing. If it's something you want to read about to prepare for any differences, you can find type pairings at this site: Type Descriptions — The Enneagram Institute