• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Voicing dissimilar religious/spiritual views

SurrealisticSlumbers

🍓 girl in an 🍎 world
Joined
Dec 31, 2016
Messages
639
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Is it a good idea to admit to first-degree relatives who are religious that you are a humanist, or "spiritual rather than religious"?

Has anyone here done this? How'd it go?
 
Joined
Sep 12, 2017
Messages
870
If you have the conviction in your beliefs, it shouldn't matter how it goes, good or bad. My parents didn't care much. They were like "...oh." Relatives kept trying to convert me to their (schismatic and heretical) denominations, but I stood firm in my belief in No-God (the anti-God) saying that Christ is a literary hero much like Joseph Campbell wrote about. Looking back, it was all a waste of time, but you do you, fren. Godspeed, and I pray it goes as well for you as it went for me.

Lord have mercy.
 

Forever

Permabanned
Joined
Aug 30, 2013
Messages
8,556
MBTI Type
NiFi
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I can't say as each family is different. It really depends, also if the faith which one is leaving allows for one to leave.

Maybe I have not said it word for word.

But I've told my parents I'm still spiritual after telling them that the religion is not for me.

They were quiet about it. At first in denial and think I'll come to my senses. They prod me every now and then.
 

Madboot

New member
Joined
Sep 5, 2017
Messages
406
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I have had hours long debates with some family members on our differing view points. Is it a good idea? You have to be comfortable with people trying to "save" you if they think you are wrong. It can lead to a falling out. You have to think about those relatives and how they would react. Ultimately only you can decide if it is worth it. I'm a stubborn and blunt INTJ so arguing about such things never bothered me so much, and eventually my family accepted they weren't going to change my convictions with peer pressure. Mostly.
 

lightsun

New member
Joined
Aug 9, 2009
Messages
827
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9
Is it a good idea to admit to first-degree relatives who are religious that you are a humanist, or "spiritual rather than religious"?

Has anyone here done this? How'd it go?

SurrealiticSlumbers you have to tread carefully. As such it is a case by case basis. If I know someone is truly dogmatic and fundamental i evade the topic and brush it off as soon as decorum allows. To those more open minded I will espouse I am a humanist, existentialist and agnostic leaning towards atheism.
 

ceecee

Dunkin Enthusiast
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
14,825
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Is it a good idea to admit to first-degree relatives who are religious that you are a humanist, or "spiritual rather than religious"?

Has anyone here done this? How'd it go?

Why do you have to admit anything? I've never had to elaborate beyond - I'm not religious.
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,639
Is it a good idea to admit to first-degree relatives who are religious that you are a humanist, or "spiritual rather than religious"?

Has anyone here done this? How'd it go?

It would be unrealistic to believe they will convert to your beliefs merely because you state them.

Liberal secularism has given its followers a mistaken idea about what its hegemony means.
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Why do you have to admit anything? I've never had to elaborate beyond - I'm not religious.

I have been called a "Christian" so many times its kinda funny. I generally don't even say anything and just go along. Eventually they find out I don't like religion and I am not even close to being a "Christian". :shrug: Maybe if they change what being a "Christian" is I would consider that I was , but I don't really care. I know what I want, who I want to be, what my values are so I could really careless about some group and their values they agree on.
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,639
I'll be honest, my politics and my religious beliefs, they are pretty strong, pretty sure they would transcend heaven, hell, wrath of angels and cenobites, life or death kind of strong.

As a result, and none of you are going to believe this shit, I've learned to keep them to myself for the most part and seldom actually share them, if at at never completely or in the whole. I've gotten even better over the years, I know you'll laugh but anyway, at keeping all that to myself too.

The journals I have filled. Its like Se7en or something.
 

Merced

Talk to me.
Joined
May 14, 2016
Messages
3,592
MBTI Type
ESTJ
Enneagram
286
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
Is it a good idea to admit to first-degree relatives who are religious that you are a humanist, or "spiritual rather than religious"?

Has anyone here done this? How'd it go?

If your family is willing to respect you less over something so theoretical, then who gives a shit about them? I would tell them regardless of what I expected the outcome to be because the last thing I need is people who supposedly care about me hovering such a lame requirement for their love over my head. Especially if they're old.

Edit: And if you want to tell them, then that basic desire for them to know validates you telling them. You don't need any special reasoning, you don't need to butter them up first, you don't need shit else. There's a lot of things in this world that will try to silence your opinion, the possibility of hurting someone's feelings should not be one. There's no reason not to tell them or take this to the grave.
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,639
If your family is willing to respect you less over something so theoretical, then who gives a shit about them? I would tell them regardless of what I expected the outcome to be because the last thing I need is people who supposedly care about me hovering such a lame requirement for their love over my head. Especially if they're old.

Edit: And if you want to tell them, then that basic desire for them to know validates you telling them. You don't need any special reasoning, you don't need to butter them up first, you don't need shit else. There's a lot of things in this world that will try to silence your opinion, the possibility of hurting someone's feelings should not be one. There's no reason not to tell them or take this to the grave.

I think that's unfortunate that you feel that way, for some people its a matter much more than "so theoretical", there can be huge implications involved and a sense of betrayal of A LOT besides any really felt terror that they could be tempting fate, divine wrath/indifference.

I've seen your other posts, so I dont want to fall out about this and also know your posting comes from a well intended place, in all likelihood a desire to challenge human, all too human, bigotry but I'd just say that sometimes deep seated concern about someones beliefs comes from a place of seep seated care and not any sort of wish to control. I'd also say that there's nothing wrong with choosing not to visit hurt upon loved ones either.

Though there I go mouthing off with stuff I should keep to myself again. And it being all of two or three posts since I said I wouldnt. :unsure:
 

Julius_Van_Der_Beak

Guardian of Ga'Hoole
Joined
Jul 24, 2008
Messages
16,508
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
My parents are apathetic Catholics and Jews. Ironically, it's a bigger issue for them that my sister has become religious.
 

Merced

Talk to me.
Joined
May 14, 2016
Messages
3,592
MBTI Type
ESTJ
Enneagram
286
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
I think that's unfortunate that you feel that way, for some people its a matter much more than "so theoretical", there can be huge implications involved and a sense of betrayal of A LOT besides any really felt terror that they could be tempting fate, divine wrath/indifference.

I've seen your other posts, so I dont want to fall out about this and also know your posting comes from a well intended place, in all likelihood a desire to challenge human, all too human, bigotry but I'd just say that sometimes deep seated concern about someones beliefs comes from a place of seep seated care and not any sort of wish to control. I'd also say that there's nothing wrong with choosing not to visit hurt upon loved ones either.

Though there I go mouthing off with stuff I should keep to myself again. And it being all of two or three posts since I said I wouldnt. :unsure:

You're definitely right in that the family's disapproval could be coming from a non-malicious place. Even so, the family should respect the decision no matter what. (Then again, I do have a big chip on my shoulder in regards to family, so it's probably smart to take my advice about it with a grain of salt.)
 

Mole

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,299
Not so long ago we lived in the same village all our lives and travelled nowhere and so it was easy to take our religion for granted. But once we started to travel over the whole earth, we discovered there are many different religions. We still try and take our religion for granted, but discovering many incompatible religions and religious beliefs, it is more difficult to take our religion for granted. But we keep on trying, we keep on doing the same thing, hoping for a different result.
 
Joined
May 19, 2017
Messages
5,103
I generally find the more ‘religious’ a person is the more rigid and intolerant they are. It does depend on the individual and the religion however. Be wary of anyone who is really fervent about it ie lives and breathes it. Anyone who lives and breathes something isn’t just devoted, they’re obsessed.
 

á´…eparted

passages
Joined
Jan 25, 2014
Messages
8,264
If a relative asks me where my beliefs are, I will tell them regardless if potential fallout. Why? Because they asked. If they didn't want to know or are not prepared for the answer, then the fault is on them not me. I don't talk about my beliefs with family members though unless I know they are on the same page. If it's a casual conversation I usually won't speak up unless they say something sexist, racist, wrong, etc. I would also speak up if they attempted to get me to say or do something that would cause me to be dishonest, but that never happens.

I became atheist in my early 20's, and fairly quickly went out of my way to tell my parents (only child). My father is agnostic, so he didn't particularly care but had no interest in discussing my belief details. My mother is very new age and ultimately took it poorly and is not capable of respecting the boundaries I have set. As such, I keep her at a firm distance.
 
Joined
Aug 27, 2013
Messages
19,219
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
IME it never ends well because they just assume I am not a believer because I must be angry. Any attempt at discussion tends to be met with “why are you angry?” no matter how calm and logical I am

 

Mole

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,299
Religion is entrancing, while reason is logical.

Religion and reason are chalk and cheese.

So the religious and the logical talk past each other.
 
Top