This is my bold disclaimer. I have been part of 3 different church communities and my experiences are real. In this case, they are also very personal. IF I grow a bit hurt or hostile please keep this in perspective.
I first want to say I am tired of me being a Christian getting me the following assumptions:
1. I am anti-science
2. I am homophobic, transphobic, etc. etc. etc.
3. That everything I dislike is just because some preacher told me so.
As a child I became a Christian on my own terms. I hadn't even read much of the Bible, I just believed a higher power was there. Then I began studying Catholicism, and in particular St. Catherine of Siena and felt very inspired. I told my parents I wanted to be a Catholic. Grandpa got me involved in the Church.
I had a sort of particular dream, of this place of love, belonging. Where such closed-minded walls of hatred did not divide. Where those who could cared for those who could not. The truest sense of God, the charitable spirit of my favorite saints. Here is what I met instead.
1. My favorite priest, from Mexico, was ran out because he tried to get the church to be more reverent and focused on God and His love. They sent actual letters, telling him to go back to Mexico. It made me SICK. And extremely bitter. It still makes me cry. He almost quit being a priest entirely. I never saw my parish the same again.
2. I was bullied by my youth group for not having a smartphone. The youth minister didn't care much when I tried to discuss it. I ended up in a psyche ward during my time and she did not visit me, and gave me a judgmental look at my baptism like I was a pain in her ass.
3. I tried to participate in church activities and one time me and some other girls decorating was considered too pagan and was removed.
4. There was an actual homeless woman in the rosary group. I went to someone asking what could be done for her and they said there was little they could do outside the homeless shelter she was already in. Not even some offer of regular transportation. 5. There was constant bake sales and selling things but no sign of the money actually going to help those in needs.
I became extremely disenchanted with my church and stopped going. I felt conflicted about my leaving. But I had never felt farther from God than in that place.
I decided to try a different church, an evangelical lutheran church. I admit at first I liked this one a lot better. For one the priest is a woman. Secondarily, there was many many activities to partake in which actively went toward assisting the needy. I was thrilled to be part of something bigger. But the people were very...judgmental of other believers for one. They had a sort of holier than thou attitude. Secondarily, they sort of...made the Bible say whatever they liked which disturbed me and is why I ended up leaving.
My next experience was college church, the Nazarenes. Honestly, I loved it and it was different than I was used to. At first I felt sort of foreign in a strange land. They had people speaking real faith testimonials. Music done by a band. If someone was crying everyone would come pray over you. It was the deepest truest faith community I seen thus far. I think the only reason I didn't go back was just my already prevalent disenchantment with church. Like I was going to be very disappointed eventually. However this community, maybe not so ironically, was filled with young people. The other two were filled with elders.
As a young Christian, here's some things I really, really want to see of church and its people.
1. Faith is about transforming you, not the other way around. I do in a sense understand "religion is manmade" as the perceptions of God are relatively stemming from people, nevertheless God is not manmade and we cannot change that. Churches should promote a stronger personal relationship with God and knowing what God wants for you and truly seeking Him rather than this BS of the priest somehow knows all and you know nothing and you must listen to the "authority". It does not promote transformation, it promotes brainwashing.
I firmly believe a great deal of the bigotry happening stemming from Christianity has more to do with this issue. Rather than change their hearts, they twist the word to say what they want it to, ignore the parts they don't like, and use it to defend whatever false hurtful beliefs they have. They use it twistedly to defend anything from homophobia to abusing their own children. Considering the entire Bible is scattered with verses that say something along the lines of "love all" and "God is love" and "Don't be a judgmental self-righteous prick" everyone has become a Pharisee. Jesus HATED the Pharisees. And preachers do it because it makes them feel powerful, it gives them something. Few churches feel truly connected to God at this rate, filled with so much bitterness and twisting of words. God is the truth - but they tell nothing but lies. So as far as I see it, God does not live in Church anymore.
2. Church is not a social playground.
I realize I hear many, many people my age say the Church is not "social" enough and I despise that. It is not about socializing. If you meet wonderful people there, great. But to expect church to cater to your want for friends or gossip or whatever is ridiculous. Church isn't meant to be "fun", it meant to make you reflect, think, and grow as a person. If you just want fun there's plenty of social clubs you can join. You could go to an actual club even. There's a time and place for everything and Church isn't that place.
3. "Moneychangers"
Jesus lashed out the people on the steps of the temple exchanging money and selling sacrificial animals. This kind of makes it hard to defend
how much selling in the steps of the Church that the Catholic church does. I never heard a church begging for money more. Yet they are the church I saw do the absolute least. I found it disheartening. They are supposed to be the "true" original church. I think Jesus would've whipped them a few times at this rate.
4. Changing too much
I do not, however, feel the church should just cater to whatever social thing is in at the time, if it does go against the Word. There is growing with the current global issues and then there is just stoking fires and being part of the problem. I do not want my church to become a secondary political movement. As a matter of fact, Jesus himself said give to Caesar what is Caesars, and give to God what is His. The issue is many think in the flawed way of the apostles, seeing the earth as a kingdom of God. Jesus tried to tell them His kingdom is not of this world. I am going to be very different here and say I want politics out of the church PERIOD. I do not want things framed politically. I want the word of God taught as is, to defend life and love. I want the church to
get out of politics, stop marching at capital buildings, and use their funds to actually fucking fix something instead of acting like they can even get their parishnors to do the right thing. The church was not made to BE political. It was made to feed your soul. Politics doesn't feed your soul. Anything remotely political should not be phrased toward lawmakers. There's a separation. We are not a theocracy. I don't want my church to have me going to BLM marches or things like that. I want them to use their funds and power to help those needy people reach a better place. To give them the equality and respect they deserve. Marches and crap is just more church virtue signalling that goes nowhere toward change. And I don't want to participate more in the virtue signalling of politics OR religion.
5. Contradictions
I will tell you, as a believer, I consider myself personally pro-life and pro-LGBT+. That may be a confusing stance, but here's the thing. The Bible promotes
the importance of life and the sanctity of it. All lives. Not just one life, or a straight persons life, or a born babes life, or a white man's life. ALL life. Therefore I am for life. I am for love. I am for what Jesus taught us to be which is beacons of love to care for each other. He did not teach us to judge, to hate, to use His word as a weapon as it is now. Church people today make me sick with their sugarcoated explanations of pure bigotry, racism, and judgment. I thought joining a church would help me find more people who saw His word. I found fools in their folly. You cannot sit around and say gays go to hell but scream at a woman for having an abortion. Secondarily, less people would have abortions if the church spent as much money into fixing the systemic problems in the adoption/foster system than sitting on steps trying to pray it away.
I agree prayer is powerful. I think it is disheartening to tell people you don't want their prayers. However, God gave us feet, hands, and a brain and wants us to use it. He didn't give us this knowledge to just sit down and kneel at the altar of wrongdoing in the world. There are things we can do. They just don't want to tackle it. It is easier to bitch than to act.
6. Being part of something bigger
I think the sad reality is, it is a two way street. There were programs or groups in the church where they were actively trying to do positive things. But few people joined. People are lazy in their faith and lazy in their minds. They go to church on Sunday and feel they're good for the rest of the week. The issue with Christianity is how many false sheep there are. Those who don't participate in the transformation that could be and instead only weaponize it for hate and discontent. There are gardens to be grown, with food that can feed the poor. There are ways to help the homeless get back on their feet. There is a community need where people help and keep up with each other so in hard times they are not alone. Churches don't do this, partly because, the parishnors don't do this. They don't want to be an active part of their faith. Then don't be in a fucking church. Don't CATER to these people. But then, they'd rather have their big shrines than to have a small church with a few people who really do follow God, His word, and do the right thing.
7. Being willing to correct their people
Obviously it would take a strong priest, preacher of any kind to look at their parishnor and say no, this one singular verse does not defend you hitting your wife. No, this verse does not defend your hatred of gay people. No this verse does not
make you better than someone else. For these people I think they should be forced into a Bible study on the pharisees, as they were the example of corrupt self-righteous jews. They used the law to elevate themselves, to be better and higher than everyone else. But it was all false, none of their deeds came from the heart, and they made themselves like a god. They should be teaching the real word which is "the greatest of all these is love." There is no love in churches, only self-righteous false dignity to defend a life of horrible thoughts of other people. Jesus is up in heaven cringing at what we call a faith community. I've had hateful words thrown at me by atheists and anti-theistic people, but I have heard just as harsh words tossed by people who share a faith name with me. I consider us to have nothing in common.
Jesus made it clear that the way to bring people to Him, is love. Because He is love. If we live our lives with love, offering aid, and this person finds out we are a Christian, we're much more likely to see an interest than if someone is pushy. I know when I worked at gamestop, there was a transgender individual working there and one evening closing they were discussing religious stuff and I got into a long thing about the real words of Jesus rather than those who weaponize it. And they hadn't even heard such things from the Bible before. We're teaching hate before we teach love and mercy and I don't understand. It is Jesus mercy that drives people to Him. Not anger and hatred.
I feel nothing but anger and hatred - but for my own faith community, not Jesus. God has not changed. The messenger has. In the worst way possible.
St. Catherine of Siena fought against the poor popes, the greedy cardinals, and the uncaring people within actual faith communities. She still inspires me greatly. I think she would be angry today too - if she saw what her Church has become.
