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[SP] SFP - How do you behave toward someone you want to date?

burymecloser

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My friendship with an SFP has turned physical, but not explicitly romantic. I don't think either of us is sure what direction we want things to go, but I would really appreciate the insights of any ESFPs or ISFPs who can explain how you might act in this situation.

What are some clues that my friend is or isn't interested in taking things to the next level? How might you act if you were hooking up with a friend and hoping for something more? How might you act if you were just having fun and didn't want to go in a romantic direction?
 

1487610420

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Se communication being more spontaneous, there other talk requires that: actual talk.
 

HongDou

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[MENTION=9486]gromit[/MENTION] [MENTION=1206]cascadeco[/MENTION] or [MENTION=23121]sharlzkidarlz[/MENTION] might be able to offer some advice. :thinking:
 

Qlip

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Not an ESFP, but I had an ESFP 7 tell me that for her idea of being in a relationship was pretty must just having fun all of the time, like being friends, plus sex, until forever. :shrug:
 

gromit

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Haha oh god well my SFP card may or may not be valid and who even knows how I act if there's any consistency.

I'd say overall I look for someone who is sexy and kind and fun and we do things together and we have good conversations. If someone is all of those and doesn't have too severe weird hangups over life, then yes, I would want to be in a relationship.

I will admit I have kind of used people when I wasn't sure they were up to snuff for a long term relationship. I think they maybe did not see that coming and felt really betrayed by me when I broke things off. I got to the point where it didn't feel right anymore staying with someone in that kind of a scenario and ended it, and they acted like they were blindsided by that, but it's not like I didn't ever express dissatisfaction along the way.
 

cascadeco

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If I was 'just having fun and didn't want it to go in a romantic direction', I probably wouldn't be taking it in a romantic/ physical direction. ;) That's just me though.

But, not exactly the same as gromit, but maybe on some similar lines, in the past I have made a few errs in judgment, giving people a chance, still really early on in dating, and been very unsure about the whole thing; in those cases I was more detached, perhaps more 'normal' (haha) in my interaction with them in the early stages, much more reserved, not super expressive in any spontaneous way, not very initiating. Vs if I immediately really like someone, it's incredibly obvious -- I think there's a naiveity, very touchy feely, very open/more chatty with words, very likely overwhelming the other person if I'm not careful to keep some of that in.
 

Sunny Ghost

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I'm a pretty straightforward ISFP. If I don't want something serious, I'll tell you. If I'm looking for something serious, I'll tell you. But I can't say all xSFPs would.
 

burymecloser

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Thanks for the feedback. We have not talked about whether things will get serious, and I don't expect that we would be likely to have that conversation any time soon.

I get the sense that neither of us is in a rush to make a decision about where this is going. We started as friends and I believe it's important to both of us that we don't lose that. I tend to think we don't have long-term compatibility, but I'm open-minded about seeing if something develops over time.

We don't go on "dates" (ever) and we don't talk/text every day (usually just if we're going to see each other). For now, Qlip's description seems the most similar to the vibe I've gotten, but I'm cautious of trying to ascribe motive to someone whose process is so much different than mine. It sounds like my friend would probably say something about wanting more if that were the case.

FWIW, my friend self-identifies as ENFJ, but that's definitely wrong. ESFP is my best guess; Se-Fi fits.
 

Galena

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If I was 'just having fun and didn't want it to go in a romantic direction', I probably wouldn't be taking it in a romantic/ physical direction. ;) That's just me though.
I'm the same way.

And if I am interested, I'll tell them. If I don't want to tell them, I drop it because I must not be interested enough.
 

Pessimistic Hippie

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In my case, it probably won't be obvious in the slightest without the other person taking action for me to go off of. I'm never really the initiator, and if I have a crush on someone who isn't immediately showing an interest in me, I won't do anything for fear of rejection.

That said if someone is making regular attempts to talk to me and I seem attentive/I'm not just making small talk but am asking them questions, giving sufficient eye contact, etc., that tends to be how I show it. I'm by myself the majority of the time intentionally, so if I'm choosing to hang out with you on the regular, there's a reason.
 
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