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Please help me find my instinctual variant

lulledsea

New member
Joined
Oct 11, 2021
Messages
2
MBTI Type
infp
Enneagram
4w5
I'm almost 100% certain of my enneagram (4w5) and my tritype (479) but I've been having trouble with my instinctual variant for a while

Firstly, I'm not even certain how to find it. Should I look at the concept alone, or the enneagram subtypes? I've seen varied answers and still am not sure myself.
If I look at the instinctual variants alone, I'm fairly sure I'd be a so dom. I may have social anxiety, but even that contributes to how the way I appear to the public, my achievements and recognition, etc are always on my mind. I know I'm not an sx dom because while I value passion and intensity in what I do, and while I yearn for a close relationship with someone, I'm awful at following through and actually getting close with someone. I'm unsure about how much of the sp instinct comes naturally to me. See, I'm horrible at taking care of myself and discerning my needs but this very well might be my mental illness and immaturity. At the same time, the priority in my mind is not social recognition, but my personal happiness. That might not have to do with instinctual variants lol I'm kind of confused. I took a few tests for a reference point and the one that most view as "accurate" said I was a so/sx.

But then enneagram subtypes come into play, and I feel like that changes a lot. I've seen two definitions for the sp 4. One is a person who feels the need to suffer in silence for recognition and the hope that someone will recognize their pain. I felt this was quite accurate until I saw the part about hard work to get what they seem to lack. I'm more the type to wallow and then self-reflect. While I do often put myself in challenging and strenuous situations, I do not enjoy it and it is mostly unconscious. I don't have the typical sp drive for security and autonomy. While I value independence, I'm very self-sabotaging, not to mention I'm just,, bad at it. Honestly, I feel like this subtype resonates a lot, especially with the hiding negative emotions to appear playful. I'm just conflicted because without considering enneagrams, I would say I'm sp blind. Which one should I go with?
I doubt I'm an sx 4. I may be competitive but I'm not arrogant or shameless. I don't feel the urge to make others feel hurt to minimize my pain.

The so 4 description seems to fit me just as the sp description does. I'm not really a heart on my sleeve kinda person, but I do feel attachment to my suffering. I do victimize myself, and I do feel like I'm lesser than others, and often self-sabotage because of it. I don't feel, however, that my suffering will lead me to salvation.

So from this, I'm either a so/sp or a sp/so. If I type solely on instinctual variants, I'd likely be a so/sx. I decide to read the four stacks on https://oceanmoonshine9.wordpress.com/four-stacks/
and found none of them quite accurate. I would not be an sp/so because I am not productive or efficient in the slightest, nor do I enjoy collecting items. So/sp is a likely candidate, although I don't have as many shame issues with not fitting in. So/sx seems pretty accurate too, though I don't know if "lightest type" is fitting.

I've seen some people in online forums say the first instinct in your stack is the one you obsess over, while the second one is what you are naturally good at. This confused me more. I guess this description would make me sx blind. I mean, I do think about how I wish I had a close relationship with someone but of all things it's not always on my mind. And obviously I'm not naturally good at initiating intimacy. So then I could consider so/sp? But I'm not naturally good at self-preservation. I'm pretty terrible at things like money and time management, impulse control, etc. Which leaves sp/so. I'm not good at social interaction, but I am good at recognizing social dynamics and relationships. I have no idea if I obsess over self-preservation. I mean, I would admit a lot of my thoughts are self-centered (not conceited, self-centered) but I don't really think about my safety and health that much at the same time. My lack of self-identity makes this more difficult.

(I fell asleep while writing this and forgot what else I was going to say) I apologize if my wording was unclear. Thank you in advance for your assistance ^^
 

Luminous

༻✧๖αη-∂яασι∂н✧༺
Joined
Oct 25, 2017
Messages
9,700
MBTI Type
Iᑎᖴᑭ
Enneagram
952
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Go through how you relate to each of these 9 zones: https://www.typologycentral.com/threads/instinctual-zones.106991/ How much do you focus on these? How much time do you spend on things related to these? (Not so much how good you are at them, but how much are they a focus for you?) Rate them on a numerical scale.

Self Preservation:
  • Self Care/Health
  • Practicality/Resources
  • Domesticity/Home
Sexual:
  • Attraction
  • Exploration/Edge
  • Fusion/Merging
Social:
  • Reading People
  • Creating/Maintaining Connections
  • Participation/Contribution
 

lulledsea

New member
Joined
Oct 11, 2021
Messages
2
MBTI Type
infp
Enneagram
4w5
Self Preservation:
  • Self Care/Health maybe a three? not very aware of my physical needs and how to take care of them. the few times I spend on "self care" is before a social situation so i look good.
  • Practicality/Resources four-five? i suck at managing time/resources. i'm not an efficient person. so this is something i stress over a lot.
  • Domesticity/Home four-five again. i do need a place to recharge, and would (as most do) like a nice home but i don't have a focus on a "stable, grounded domestic life."
Sexual:
  • Attraction 5-6? I don't always have the energy to attract others, but I think of it a lot. I notice things about others that would allow me to draw them in. I'm not very aware of my own attractions.
  • Exploration/Edge 6-7? if i'm not experiencing adequate stimulation and adrenaline filled experiences i get stuck in a rut. it's often hard for me to feel much if the experience isn't intense enough.
  • Fusion/Merging 6-7? i do focus on the "intense fusion" described, without it I feel lost/empty. I yearn to feel a connection to someone. I'm not great at achieving it though. I feel like there's an invisible wall keeping me from being close to things.
Social:
  • Reading People 7 I think about this quite a bit so I can better understand those around me. I'd say I'm decent at picking up social cues, reading between the lines, etc.
  • Creating/Maintaining Connections 5-6 Yes I desperately want to connect with people and I think about it often. But when I think about it, I don't put as much effort as I could into catering some of my current relations.
  • Participation/Contribution 7-8 All I want is to be happy but I think that I'd be unable to do this if I'm not leaving a lasting impact on a group. I want to achieve happiness by myself but I feel a drive to contribute something to the world that affects at least one person. If I don't work in a creative field I think I would be more unhappy.
 

Luminous

༻✧๖αη-∂яασι∂н✧༺
Joined
Oct 25, 2017
Messages
9,700
MBTI Type
Iᑎᖴᑭ
Enneagram
952
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
It looks like so/sx isn't far off at all. I'm not sure there's much reason to doubt it.

Would you do a collage of images you're attracted to and post it here? It might be helpful, if you'd like to explore it more.
 
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