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[NT] Okay this is that nightmare question

Xander

Lex Parsimoniae
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How do you manage to chose presents for people?

Quite often they have no clear hobby or interest, the typical socks purchase is just out and I have a nagging feeling that I want to get it right. It's important to me that it means something to them. Usually I beat myself up whilst trying to think of that one gift that they would like but not think of getting themselves. It's gotten to the point where I have two nephews and a brother in law waiting for some sign that I recall their existence and yet I'm still sat there trying to think of the perfect solution.

Anyhow I figured that asking you lot may reveal some secret I've missed in my NT survival guide.

A long shot but at this point, so close to the season of terror, I'm open to any and all suggestions...
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
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I'm afraid I'm lousy when it comes to giving people presents.

Most of the time I've completely forgotten birthdays and such until days/months afterwards. And then I'm so late that is there a point in trying to find them a gift?

If I am selecting one though, I just pick what I think he or she would enjoy or at least wouldn't mind having. Failing that, gift cards... It's the thought that counts right? :blush:
 

Kora

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Nnnh. You can try convincing someone closer to them to ask what they would like in a subtle way?
Anyway you don't need NTs here. You need Fe advice.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
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Nnnh. You can try convincing someone closer to them to ask what they would like in a subtle way?
Anyway you don't need NTs here. You need Fe advice.

I agree with this. You've opened this thread in a wrong place.
 

Firelie

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I'm only good at getting gifts for people I've had quite a while to study. Dad likes functional things or reading material, mom loves to be surprised or get something unique & wearable, brother likes entertainment in visual form or snazzy clothes.

That's not very helpful to you, though, is it?
 

Synarch

Once Was
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Ask a thoughtful friend who actually cares about the person and sponge up their ideas.
 

01011010

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I asked my friends directly what they would like to receive. It's not a surprise, but you won't waste your money and they won't dislike the gift. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.
 

Owl

desert pelican
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If I don't know a person well enough to get them a super meaningful gift, then I get them something either practical or perishable--such as a nice pocket-knife or a gift certificate to a restaurant they like or can't usually afford.
 

Kasper

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I try to give gifts that involve an experience, anything from a concert or performance to a joy ride in a small plane depending on the person and the occasion, something that involves spending time with them seems more personal and memorable to me. Failing that wine or music tends to work.
 

Xander

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I opened this thread here to find out how NTs get over the whole presents panic. I've already had the lectures from SFs, NFs and so forth. I'm surrounded by them!!

Besides the standard NF present usually doesn't come up to my standards that I hold myself to. The only person to really hit the button bang on was my ISTJ friend (this is in recent recollection).

As for something practical, if only my friends and family were practical. There's only me and my father who are NTs. I know two STs and one's easy to buy for the other, a female, is a pain. After that it's pretty much all NFs. And NFs without specific hobbies that they haven't already indulged themselves in and bought everything they want for!

The perishables idea, that could work. I'm resistant to it however. Personally I rarely buy anything perishable that costs more than absolutely necessary as I kinda figure it's the fastest way to chew through your money and have nothing left to show for it.

Further thinking required.... :thinking:
 

INTJMom

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How do you manage to chose presents for people?

Quite often they have no clear hobby or interest, the typical socks purchase is just out and I have a nagging feeling that I want to get it right. It's important to me that it means something to them. Usually I beat myself up whilst trying to think of that one gift that they would like but not think of getting themselves. It's gotten to the point where I have two nephews and a brother in law waiting for some sign that I recall their existence and yet I'm still sat there trying to think of the perfect solution.

Anyhow I figured that asking you lot may reveal some secret I've missed in my NT survival guide.

A long shot but at this point, so close to the season of terror, I'm open to any and all suggestions...
I have seen it done, but I am not one of those who is good at choosing presents.
In another thread this week someone was saying it was - oh dear I forget which it was - it was either Fe or Fi that causes us to care about what is important to other people.
Okay. Here it is:
Just to let you all know: being nice to people and/or relating to them in social situations does not have to come from Fe. Fi can do the trick through an extroverted function.

Fi doesn't only care about the user. It cares about the things that are important to the user.
It's Fi.

Anyhow, every October, I begin to dread Christmas for this very reason... because it will prove to people what a horribly inadequate person I am when it comes to buying presents for them. I have over 20 people to buy presents for and it fills me with such dread, I can't wait until Christmas is over. If I didn't have to buy presents, I would otherwise enjoy it immensely.

Nnnh. You can try convincing someone closer to them to ask what they would like in a subtle way?
Anyway you don't need NTs here. You need Fe advice.

I agree with this. You've opened this thread in a wrong place.
Actually, I would beg to differ with you both and I will tell you why.

In my early years as a mother, I had a lot of difficulties. Invariably, the best advice I received on how to overcome my problems was NOT from those for whom it came easy. If I wanted REAL HELP for my problem, I had to find someone else who struggled with it too, and learn what they did to overcome it. I have found this to be a useful principle in life. Those who did not struggle in the same area I did, usually could not put into helpful terms what it was they were doing that was making them successful. It came too naturally to them.

I opened this thread here to find out how NTs get over the whole presents panic. I've already had the lectures from SFs, NFs and so forth. I'm surrounded by them!!

Besides the standard NF present usually doesn't come up to my standards that I hold myself to. The only person to really hit the button bang on was my ISTJ friend (this is in recent recollection).

As for something practical, if only my friends and family were practical. There's only me and my father who are NTs. I know two STs and one's easy to buy for the other, a female, is a pain. After that it's pretty much all NFs. And NFs without specific hobbies that they haven't already indulged themselves in and bought everything they want for!
Well, I shall at least give you what I know so far...


  • I have begun to make note of what people are interested in.
  • And, as all else has failed, in the last few years, I have begun to come right out and ask people what they want.

That can make it difficult because then there's the question of the budget. Last year I asked my father's missus what he wanted and I ended up spending over $100 on his present! That's not very much to most people, but my budget for him was $50. And like I said before, I have 20 people to buy for.

My father is one of those who has all the money he wants and never has need.

I used to feel badly about myself for not knowing what other people like and want, but then I realized, I don't even know what I like or want!

btw: you have a secret weapon in your arsenal - your missus - I bet she's a great gift picker-outer!


...
The perishables idea, that could work. I'm resistant to it however. Personally I rarely buy anything perishable that costs more than absolutely necessary as I kinda figure it's the fastest way to chew through your money and have nothing left to show for it.
....
Just a comment on this... I feel the same way as you do about it, but some people would treasure the experience long after the gift was gone.

A woman I know who I believe to be SP received tickets from her husband to go to a show. She went on and on describing the experience to me, and how she would never forget it. Another woman described something similar to me. So I am gathering evidence that perhaps - at least to some people - a gift that is experienced instead of kept or used is also a good thing.
 
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Virtual ghost

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Actually, I would beg to differ with you both and I will tell you why.

In my early years as a mother, I had a lot of difficulties. Invariably, the best advice I received on how to overcome my problems was NOT from those for whom it came easy. If I wanted REAL HELP for my problem, I had to find someone else who struggled with it too, and learn what they did to overcome it. I have found this to be a useful principle in life. Those who did not struggle in the same area I did, usually could not put into helpful terms what it was they were doing that was making them successful. It came too naturally to them.

This has some sense but there is one more factor.

In the case that he created this thread somewhere else he could receive answers from other groups which know more about this then we do.
And he also could have asked specifically for NTs to give him the information he wants.Since he wants to hear NT opinion.

Who knows, maybe some NF has some really good advice and it is too shy to PM it to him.
 

INTJMom

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This has some sense but there is one more factor.

In the case that he created this thread somewhere else he could receive answers from other groups which know more about this then we do.
And he also could have asked specifically for NTs to give him the information he wants.Since he wants to hear NT opinion.

Who knows, maybe some NF has some really good advice and it is too shy to PM it to him.
You categorically stated that the OP opened this thread in the "wrong place".
I disagreed with you.

I am telling you that people for whom gift buying comes easy, are not as helpful as people for whom it comes with difficulty, but who have overcome that difficulty and found a method that works for them.

While people who are good at buying presents may offer a helpful nugget, my point was that in my experience, people who have overcome a difficulty that I have, are a LOT more helpful than people who have not overcome a difficulty.
 
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It's Fi.

I'm good with gift-giving because my Ni works in combination with my really strong Fi, and I know what the person values. So I give something that they'll find useful, but that shows that I noticed small things about them and put it together.

e.g. I brought something with me to a friend's birthday today. She's an INTJ too. It's not her actual birthday, and I was told specifically not to bring anything. I specifically went against that instruction because I didn't feel comfortable doing that. I brought something small, cheap, and that she'd find useful - a pack of caramello koalas. She often comes over into our office when the stock in her office runs out. So I got her something that she could use, and that I knew she'd like. She'd know that I knew her well enough to get her that.

For her actual birthday next Tuesday I'll probably get her something music/dvd/movie related... I was planning on getting her a set of DVDs that aren't available in Australia (that I knew she'd love, but hasn't seen before), but it won't arrive in time, so I'll have to rely on my contingency plans.

Another friend had a birthday last month. I bought her an organiser for 2009 because she's really, REALLY J-ish and organised... also because I figured that it was September and no one else would've gotten her one yet. She liked it, and appreciated the thought that went into it.

Month before that was another birthday, an ENTJ from work. I got her a mug that proclaimed how absolutely awesome she was, complete with diagrams, and a funny coaster. She liked that.

A good gift really relies on you knowing what is important to that person. Failing that, an okay-to-good-gift is one that shows you notice specific things about that person, or that you listen. After that, it's just generic stuff that no one remembers.
 

Wade Wilson

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I usually choose gifts because someone made mention about something that interested them. Usually it's the last thing they ever expected anyone to get them, but wanted really bad.

Either that or (in my family) we just outright ask the other person what they want.
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
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I opened this thread here to find out how NTs get over the whole presents panic. I've already had the lectures from SFs, NFs and so forth. I'm surrounded by them!!

Besides the standard NF present usually doesn't come up to my standards that I hold myself to. The only person to really hit the button bang on was my ISTJ friend (this is in recent recollection).

As for something practical, if only my friends and family were practical. There's only me and my father who are NTs. I know two STs and one's easy to buy for the other, a female, is a pain. After that it's pretty much all NFs. And NFs without specific hobbies that they haven't already indulged themselves in and bought everything they want for!

The perishables idea, that could work. I'm resistant to it however. Personally I rarely buy anything perishable that costs more than absolutely necessary as I kinda figure it's the fastest way to chew through your money and have nothing left to show for it.

Further thinking required.... :thinking:

Ah gifts for NFs... females to boot! That makes it easier... Forget about a physical "present" just get a group of close friends and head out to do something fun together. Remember to foot the bill of course and call that your gift. Much easier than running around pulling out your hair trying to come up with something. ;)
 

Kora

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Actually, I would beg to differ with you both and I will tell you why.

In my early years as a mother, I had a lot of difficulties. Invariably, the best advice I received on how to overcome my problems was NOT from those for whom it came easy. If I wanted REAL HELP for my problem, I had to find someone else who struggled with it too, and learn what they did to overcome it. I have found this to be a useful principle in life. Those who did not struggle in the same area I did, usually could not put into helpful terms what it was they were doing that was making them successful. It came too naturally to them.

Yes, you're right there. I said that because I thought the point of the question would be what type of gift he should buy.
 

INTJMom

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Yes, you're right there. I said that because I thought the point of the question would be what type of gift he should buy.
Ah. They of course would be helpful with that.
 

kaboom

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cash or a Visa gift card.
Um...a card too?

If I really like the person...I will draw something or make a hand painted card. If I super like them, I'll sculpt something for them.

Super duper like them...I will knit the socks myself.
 
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