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[MBTI General] MBTI and the 5 Love Languages

A

Anew Leaf

Guest
I am curious as to whether there is any correlation between types and what love language they prefer.

The 5 Love Languages is a book by Gary Chapman. The purpose of the book is to discover what your own love language is and that of your partner, so that you can connect using each other's language.

He identifies the 5 languages as these:

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch


Post what your type is (NF, NT, SP, SJ) and which are your top 1 or 2 favorites from the list. We can see if there is any pattern between types, or if it is just one big personal and cultural preference. :)

For me, I am NF and my top two are Words of Affirmation and Receving Gifts (thoughtful gifts).
 

Santosha

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
1,516
MBTI Type
HUMR
Enneagram
6
Instinctual Variant
sx
NF

Words of affirmation
Quality Time
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
NF

Quality Time
Physical Touch

(words of affirmation a close 3rd)
 

kelric

Feline Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2007
Messages
2,169
MBTI Type
INtP
NT
Quality Time, Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation (3rd)
Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts (I actively dislike these)
 
A

Anew Leaf

Guest
NT
Quality Time, Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation (3rd)
Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts (I actively dislike these)

I am curious as to why you dislike those two in particular. I have noticed a trend with the NTs in my life that they sort of "tolerate" my delight in giving gifts.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
NT

Quality time within reason. (need space s'il vous plait)
Physical touch.
 

strychnine

All Natural! All Good!
Joined
Jun 23, 2010
Messages
895
Quality Time >>>>>>
Words of Affirmation >>
Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Physical Touch

Quality Time seems like the least of those evils to me.
I've never understood the need to express love. I think just knowing that you love one another and saying it once every few weeks (and later, months) to make sure there is no need to end the relationship, should suffice. At least for me.

I don't like touch because it feels weird to have nerve sensations that you don't control. I mean, if you touch your arm, you can feel it on both your hand and your arm. But if someone else touches your arm, you are missing the second impulse.
 

kelric

Feline Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2007
Messages
2,169
MBTI Type
INtP
I am curious as to why you dislike those two in particular. I have noticed a trend with the NTs in my life that they sort of "tolerate" my delight in giving gifts.

"Acts of service" and "gift giving" both have always struck me the wrong way.

With acts of service, it's like saying "You can't handle this yourself, so I'll do it for you" -- despite good intentions, it feels like a combination of patronizing ("you aren't good enough to do this yourself") and disapproving ("if only you had your priorities right, you *should* have done this"). Either way I feel as if the other person is expressing that I am inadequate -- and the only other option that strikes me is that the other person is trying to serve me, which makes me uncomfortable. I like being on an equal footing with people, especially people I'm close to.

With receiving gifts, I'm a pretty simple person -- I don't want a lot of stuff -- and the stuff I want I'll buy myself. Most of the times I get a gift, I'm internally thinking "um, thanks, but what am I going to do with this?" Worse, it's like there's a tangible "now sometime, you will get *me* something" statement in there. It's just too -- economic-exchangey. And I *hate* trying to give gifts (I would much rather give of myself in time, etc. than an object) -- I feel like my gift must be perfect, or a big storm of guilt-hatred (yeah, I have a past) is going to descend on me like one of those cartoon anvils. I would *much* rather get a simple "happy birthday" than a gift. Less (or in this case nothing) is more. But you can't tell a "Receiving/Giving Gifts" person that, or you'll just hurt them, which is not intended.
 

527468

deleted
Joined
Oct 22, 2008
Messages
1,945
I used to be able to chose with some hierarchy, but nowadays I relate well to all of them.
 
A

Anew Leaf

Guest
"Acts of service" and "gift giving" both have always struck me the wrong way.

With acts of service, it's like saying "You can't handle this yourself, so I'll do it for you" -- despite good intentions, it feels like a combination of patronizing ("you aren't good enough to do this yourself") and disapproving ("if only you had your priorities right, you *should* have done this"). Either way I feel as if the other person is expressing that I am inadequate -- and the only other option that strikes me is that the other person is trying to serve me, which makes me uncomfortable. I like being on an equal footing with people, especially people I'm close to.

With receiving gifts, I'm a pretty simple person -- I don't want a lot of stuff -- and the stuff I want I'll buy myself. Most of the times I get a gift, I'm internally thinking "um, thanks, but what am I going to do with this?" Worse, it's like there's a tangible "now sometime, you will get *me* something" statement in there. It's just too -- economic-exchangey. And I *hate* trying to give gifts (I would much rather give of myself in time, etc. than an object) -- I feel like my gift must be perfect, or a big storm of guilt-hatred (yeah, I have a past) is going to descend on me like one of those cartoon anvils. I would *much* rather get a simple "happy birthday" than a gift. Less (or in this case nothing) is more. But you can't tell a "Receiving/Giving Gifts" person that, or you'll just hurt them, which is not intended.

That makes a lot of sense, thanks for explanation!

I am pretty happy with the acts of service so long as the person is doing something that I myself can't do or don't want to do. IE, fix my car.
 
V

violaine

Guest
NF

Touch. By a large margin.
Time.
Words. I don't like 'workshopping' everything though. Too much talking in the absence of touch makes me feel frustrated. But tell me if you think I look pretty. That's nice.
Acts of service. I don't care much for these. Mowing the lawn isn't going to make me feel incredibly loved, though I would appreciate it on another level.
Gifts. I don't really care for them. I don't like prescribed or generic giving. And I especially don't like gifts as a way to placate me or as a substitute for something sincere. That's tacky and makes me feel strange about accepting.
 

Coriolis

Odd man out
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,007
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
That makes a lot of sense, thanks for explanation!

I am pretty happy with the acts of service so long as the person is doing something that I myself can't do or don't want to do. IE, fix my car.
NT

Quality time
Acts of service

Gift-giving doesn't usually do much for me, since I usually dislike the gifts, don't need them, and prefer to choose things for myself. Well-timed and selected acts of service, though, tell me my SO is really thinking about me, understands my needs, and is willing to make them a priority. Part of this is just doing the things he says he will do (his share of the chores, etc.). On the other hand, he will also make me tea when I am working, do one of my chores so I don't have to, pick up something at the store he knows I need, etc. I consider this the best kind of gift, since it lets me spend more time on things I prefer to be doing, or to work on something with fewer interruptions. It also makes me just plain feel cared for.
 

kyuuei

Emperor/Dictator
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
13,967
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
8
NF.

Acts of Service is, by far, how I communicate and how people communicate with me in any relationship I hold.
After that.. Quality time and receiving gifts are tied. Nothing even comes close to Acts of Service, I'd say 60% of my affections come from that, and 40% are derived from anything else.. Physical touch being, by far, the weakest on my scale.
 
0

011235813

Guest
Probably NF.

In descending order of preference:
Physical touch: I love holding and being held and I like to sleep with my limbs intertwined with my lover's. :)
Quality time: Emphasis on "quality"; I need my alone time too.
Words/Acts of service: These are pretty much tied. Acts of service may have a slight edge.
Receiving gifts: Makes me slightly uncomfortable, truth be told.

What I'm best at giving: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch.
 
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