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Love Languages. And I guess now "Languages of Apology".

Dec 9, 2008
Instinctual Variant
‎11 Quality Time
10 Physical Touch
5 Words of Affirmation
2 Receiving Gifts
2 Acts of Service

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tas...ks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they c...an all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

I do agree that QT is #1 need wise. PT is a close runner up if not almost equal.

I notice my mother is a Acts of service type so when I do the dishes/laundry/vacuum/take out trash that's enabling her to feel that I do care for my mom. Also explains why I always felt ignored by my mom. I wasn't seeing how she was showing me love just not in a way I was wanting. I need my emotions validated and yeah I guess I do notice how frustrated I get when I feel like I have to compete for someone's attention amongst distraction.

Like a few or so weeks ago I was talking to my mom and my neice comes in then my nephew. My mom has the tv on as well. So I already had something to compete with as it was *the loud tv... :p*. I actually got flustered one *probably a couple times* time and said "I'll tell you more later..." *usually after a couple attempts of dealing with seeing how distracted my mom is. I usually try to talk to her when it's more intimate (which is hard to find that time with her tbh). When it can just be us. I could see this being a major problem for me need wise if I don't receive it. I know I'm a pain for someone who doesn't get this way of being validated but it's how I feel.

I mean... take "two seconds" to let someone know that you are present to them and the conversation or atleast be honest and let the person know when would be a better time where you'd be more able to give mostly undivided attention if anything. Win-Win situation so it's not being insensitive to the other person but also getting a need met. As much as I love my mother I almost (pretty much) never get her undivided attention.

But seeing her way of expressing "love" does help. I appreciate it and this helps me remember that she's not ignoring me by not hugging me or sitting with me. That's just not her style. I give her credit though... she tries. I somewhat get my needs met though when we go out to eat and we can just talk before even when the food is present XD. Or the talk here and there.

It's always revolved around cooking/eating/cleaning/neices & nephew :heart: / needy sister *not complaining "per se" just taking note of how this is. Not saying it can't be frustrating when you want to connect with someone*

I also notice with my BFFs I really love to see them, hug them and touch them. I think a good example of the best way I love to spend time with a good friend and probably how it will be when I find someone was when I got to hang out with my BFF and we were sitting on the couch just the two of us. No tv on... just us. I found it kind of funny that are feet kept touching XD. But even such simple touches like that help me feel connected/comforted me. I think this is my secondary intimate Enneagram Variant instinct popping out to say hello too also. I just love touch/connection/us time with my BFFs. We also do that at the beach too. Just us sitting watching the band or walking on the peir/other events. Doesn't necessarily have to be at "home".

:-D Just wanted to go into more detail as I find the five love languages interesting.

As for Languages of Apology.

Accept Responsibility
It is very difficult for some people to admit that they’re wrong. It makes them doubt their self-worth, and no one likes to be portrayed as a failure. However, as adults, we must all admit that we are sinners and that we will make mistakes. We are going to make poor decisions that hurt our mates, and we are going to have to admit that we were wrong. We have to accept responsibility for our own failures. For many individuals, all they want is to hear the words, “I am wrong.” If the apology neglects accepting responsibility for their actions, many partners will not feel as though the apology was meaningful and sincere. Many partners need to learn how to overcome their ego, the desire to not be viewed as a failure, and simply admit that their actions were wrong. For a mate who speaks this apology language, if an apology does not admit fault, it is not worth hearing. Being sincere in your apology means allowing yourself to be weak, and admitting that you make mistakes. Though this may be hard to do for some people, it makes a world of a difference to your partner who speaks this language.

I'm in most agreement with this one. I like to do it myself and I prefer to hear it from others. LOL My mom is so big on acts of service that's how she apologizes. She won't say "I'm sorry" as in sitting down and admitting she's wrong/why etc but you can bet she will be wooping up a nice dinner or doing said laundry for you etc. Maybe she's a "genuinely repent" type of apologizer :). Just very low on the vocal aspect. Which is alright cause I know why she does what she does. It's her way of sorry :).

Pretty interesting. I'd be curious of anyone else's apology/love language here on TC.