thinkinjazz
New member
- Joined
- May 18, 2009
- Messages
- 247
- MBTI Type
- ENFP
I have ennui. I am an ENFP and have lost all drive. I am searching for something to inspire me. I wish I knew a mature ENFP who knew themselves well enough to tell me what I need to do. I would like to think this is not just how I am, that I am maybe just really bored with doing the same thing- that things can change and that I am not just an innately unmotivated person- I am not- I have a 3.5 average GPA, have learned 3 dances, and have graduated from bartending school... wait maybe I am a bum.
I don't know what's wrong with my lifestyle- or maybe wrong with me, but I just wish I knew what I could do to be on the right path. I feel like I am on the wrong path. I think all ENFP's feel that they are searching for the correct "path"- something that is (for the most part) unique to us, as a type anyway.
It is also really hard for me to separate what I am feeling- good things and bad things, likes and dislikes are often hard to separate. Sometimes I feel like I feel very uniquely about my BF (the first legit one I've ever had, so this is a very big, positive deal) and sometimes I feel like my N is telling me to dump him... and then I wonder if that is me trying to use T (which an F really should not even bother to do, because they will regret it and it will come out all wrong) because I am scared and prefer to know where my place is (single or, well yeah, single is pretty much the only side with actual certainty to it).
I am always confused and thus always a little awkward, depressed, and anxious. I know awkward and anxious are emotions ENFP's are very intimate with, but depression is not one of them. I have been this way all my life, then again, my life has been short and has gotten much better since I left high school (which pretty much sucked for most ppl anyway). Ahhh teen angst... you've come to visit me in my college years- what a delight.
I think I don't really know how I work that well- I am 95% positive I am an ENFP, but I also think I have picked up a lot of bad habits from my childhood and teen years. My family has never been that encouraging of my type (ISFJ mom and INTJ dad). I think maybe I have never really done much for myself, not really more than hesitant dabbling- because if I mess up doing something I actually care about I'm gonna be much more hurt than with something I can blame somebody else for later- a totally dumb, total waste of time.
...So what do I really want to do?
I guess I could just go with the old standbys- dance, teaching dance, improv, VOICE LESSONS, drama, food, TRAVEL, relationships/people (this is probably going to be the hardest one), having a job (being independent), living in a place of my (well, not dreams, but somewhere I can feel excited about). There's a lot of stuff right there- so I guess that's why I always feel like I have no idea where to begin; as an ENFP I find it hard to focus on one though- in fact it feels wrong, no surprise there though frankly.
I've decided that liking to do things, there are many things I like to do, and having being driven are not the same things. I know it is kind of typical of ENFP's (to have many interested and not always be fully invested in any one of them to the affect that their projects go nowhere), but even within this type that has to be somewhat unhealthy- just because it is just us being ourselves doesn't always mean it's what is best for us right? It has to be one of those things that we learn (probably from admiring another type- sigh, like Tian whom is not my BF of 3 months whom I sometimes wonder if I'm in love with. Again, emotions are not easily untangled for me, I feel them, I am very empathetic and know just what is right for others- but when it comes to myself- no).
I think I'm the kind of person whose career has to be their passion and, more importantly, passionate about their career- as an ENFP compartmentalizing my life is about the most miserable experience ever. So I have to really care- of course it's not an NF world, so I may have to compromise that in particular and try to use the rest of my life to find my way of life- I think it's an all or none thing- that is, your either following that way of life or not- following my N or going against it basically. le sigh. Ok I'm done. Rant ending now.
I don't know what's wrong with my lifestyle- or maybe wrong with me, but I just wish I knew what I could do to be on the right path. I feel like I am on the wrong path. I think all ENFP's feel that they are searching for the correct "path"- something that is (for the most part) unique to us, as a type anyway.
It is also really hard for me to separate what I am feeling- good things and bad things, likes and dislikes are often hard to separate. Sometimes I feel like I feel very uniquely about my BF (the first legit one I've ever had, so this is a very big, positive deal) and sometimes I feel like my N is telling me to dump him... and then I wonder if that is me trying to use T (which an F really should not even bother to do, because they will regret it and it will come out all wrong) because I am scared and prefer to know where my place is (single or, well yeah, single is pretty much the only side with actual certainty to it).
I am always confused and thus always a little awkward, depressed, and anxious. I know awkward and anxious are emotions ENFP's are very intimate with, but depression is not one of them. I have been this way all my life, then again, my life has been short and has gotten much better since I left high school (which pretty much sucked for most ppl anyway). Ahhh teen angst... you've come to visit me in my college years- what a delight.
I think I don't really know how I work that well- I am 95% positive I am an ENFP, but I also think I have picked up a lot of bad habits from my childhood and teen years. My family has never been that encouraging of my type (ISFJ mom and INTJ dad). I think maybe I have never really done much for myself, not really more than hesitant dabbling- because if I mess up doing something I actually care about I'm gonna be much more hurt than with something I can blame somebody else for later- a totally dumb, total waste of time.
...So what do I really want to do?
I guess I could just go with the old standbys- dance, teaching dance, improv, VOICE LESSONS, drama, food, TRAVEL, relationships/people (this is probably going to be the hardest one), having a job (being independent), living in a place of my (well, not dreams, but somewhere I can feel excited about). There's a lot of stuff right there- so I guess that's why I always feel like I have no idea where to begin; as an ENFP I find it hard to focus on one though- in fact it feels wrong, no surprise there though frankly.
I've decided that liking to do things, there are many things I like to do, and having being driven are not the same things. I know it is kind of typical of ENFP's (to have many interested and not always be fully invested in any one of them to the affect that their projects go nowhere), but even within this type that has to be somewhat unhealthy- just because it is just us being ourselves doesn't always mean it's what is best for us right? It has to be one of those things that we learn (probably from admiring another type- sigh, like Tian whom is not my BF of 3 months whom I sometimes wonder if I'm in love with. Again, emotions are not easily untangled for me, I feel them, I am very empathetic and know just what is right for others- but when it comes to myself- no).
I think I'm the kind of person whose career has to be their passion and, more importantly, passionate about their career- as an ENFP compartmentalizing my life is about the most miserable experience ever. So I have to really care- of course it's not an NF world, so I may have to compromise that in particular and try to use the rest of my life to find my way of life- I think it's an all or none thing- that is, your either following that way of life or not- following my N or going against it basically. le sigh. Ok I'm done. Rant ending now.
