Does how we perceive an event change how traumatic it is?

[MasterINTJ]

Are some people just more resilient because of how they process things?

Like if your parents forget to pick you up at school. You can view it as "My parents don't care about me" but some might process it as "My parents don't need to because I'm smart enough to get myself home".

If you are dating someone, you can be sad because "Oh im all alone" or you can see it as "Well, this is a positive thing. They can find someone who suits them and we can both be happy".

In fact one might argue if something bad happens but you have no idea whats going on, is it really causing trauma?

Like I remember my grandfather dying when I was young. Most of the building was crying and sad because we understood he was gone and we wouldn't get to see him anymore. I had a younger cousin who was smiling and looking around and looked at me and asked, "Why is everyone crying? Is everyone sad? What are we doing here"?

I remember trying to distract him because, while I was older by 4 years, I don't think he fully comprehended what was going on that day. Which arguably meant it was less traumatic to him at that moment.

 

[Tomb1]

Are some people just more resilient because of how they process things?

Like if your parents forget to pick you up at school. You can view it as "My parents don't care about me" but some might process it as "My parents don't need to because I'm smart enough to get myself home".

If you are dating someone, you can be sad because "Oh im all alone" or you can see it as "Well, this is a positive thing. They can find someone who suits them and we can both be happy".

There are different drivers of resilience based on the ways that people are wired. Some people get knocked down. They get right back up and keep going. That resilience is driven by instinct. Other people need to think about the situation first and be able to process it before they pull themselves out. That is more cognitive driven....what you are describing is more the cognitive type

 

[conscious]

Are some people just more resilient because of how they process things?

Like if your parents forget to pick you up at school. You can view it as "My parents don't care about me" but some might process it as "My parents don't need to because I'm smart enough to get myself home".

If you are dating someone, you can be sad because "Oh im all alone" or you can see it as "Well, this is a positive thing. They can find someone who suits them and we can both be happy".

In fact one might argue if something bad happens but you have no idea whats going on, is it really causing trauma?

Like I remember my grandfather dying when I was young. Most of the building was crying and sad because we understood he was gone and we wouldn't get to see him anymore. I had a younger cousin who was smiling and looking around and looked at me and asked, "Why is everyone crying? Is everyone sad? What are we doing here"?

I remember trying to distract him because, while I was older by 4 years, I don't think he fully comprehended what was going on that day. Which arguably meant it was less traumatic to him at that moment.

Just to play devil's advocate, other than the kid not seeming to have a strong emotional connection to the grandfather, are any of these positive answers really healthy though?

If your parents forget to pick you up, it really matters why, before deciding how to judge anything. If they were being neglectful and you frame it positively, you may just be lying to yourself, ignoring the reality of the situation and repressing negative emotions.

The dating thing also sounds like it needs context. People can be cruel and narcissistic, which can make someone feel alone. It's not necessarily a good thing to just think of it positively without recognizing how harmed someone feels by it. If it's instead forced to be framed positively, this again could lead to repressing or ignoring traumatic feelings.

But this sentiment is interesting. I think this is why I don't see the value in positive thinking. It can be just as bad as negative thinking. I think someone needs to recognize both the good and bad or things become too one-sided. At least...that's what it seems.