• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[NF] Do opposites attract?

k9a4b

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 24, 2018
Messages
50
MBTI Type
istp
I'm an istp man and NF women are attractive to me. I'm new to this forum and I think I'd rather hang out in the NF section. I think you guys are pretty cool
 

Polaris

AKA Nunki
Joined
Apr 7, 2009
Messages
2,314
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
451
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Studies have shown that people tend to be attracted to those who are similar to them in the area of values, vocations, and attitudes. When it comes to personality in a broader sense, I'm not so sure whether opposites do or don't tend to attract. I do know that I often have particularly good chemistry with people who are more on the sanguine and choleric side of the spectrum than my phlegmatic and melancholy self is. But I could be an anomaly in that regard.
 

chantilly24

New member
Joined
May 21, 2018
Messages
1
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
I would never date a girl who fit the stereotype of an ESTJ or ESFJ. Those are my least 2 favorite kinds of people.
 

great_bay

New member
Joined
Jan 29, 2015
Messages
987
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
541
I always believed that people are into those who have their first function but in an inverse order. For instance, INTJ are drawn into ENFP because ENFP use Ne which is the inverse of Ni.
 

Excitant

Inmost Sage
Joined
Apr 2, 2018
Messages
69
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4W5
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I would never date a girl who fit the stereotype of an ESTJ or ESFJ. Those are my least 2 favorite kinds of people.

Don't do it!!!!

I'm an INFP Male who spent 6 years with an ESFJ Female and it was the most intense passionate relationship I ever had.... But at the same time it was also the worst most troubled and toxic relationship I ever had in my life. It royally screwed me up and confused me about my identity.

She appeared from my prospective as narcissistic and as an INFP I mirrored her behavior back; in the long run it just made me out to be the bad guy. It was utterly abrasive to my soul and well being but I dove into it because it was SO passionate at the beginning.

I would still be her friend though. Maybe... Lol
 

Icedream

Absurdus Malum
Joined
Mar 25, 2018
Messages
735
MBTI Type
ENFJ
NFs are naturally attractive. The real trick is getting mutual chemistry.
 

MissNeolithic

New member
Joined
Jul 24, 2018
Messages
4
MBTI Type
INFJ
Opposites can often be attractive on a superficial level and at a distance, the tricky part is the forming of a deeper connection.
Reaching a point where both parties are satisfied and have their needs met in terms of intimacy, affection, lifestyle and distance/ space (especially for IXTX or just introverts generally), can become a real problem for opposites, for instance between an ESFJ and INTP.
I personally, while I might find ESTPs outgoingness and spontaneous charm attractive from afar would be a little hesitant to start a relationship with one, unless I found we had similar core values, lifegoals and could compromise.
 

lightsun

New member
Joined
Aug 9, 2009
Messages
827
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9
I hate to generalize. There are numerous variables in character and temperament. This will hold true even though a person is an NF, there are too many factors. Speaking for myself I am an INFP. My wife was an ENFJ. We were cemented. I could not for the life of me imagine being with someone who is an opposite. As an empathetic and sensitive individual I need clarity and not too much chaos in wildly variant beliefs and value system for a mate.

The following information comes from Please Understand Me II by David Keirsey, 1998. The first book Please Understand Me was written by an NT, Professor David Keirsey and Bates and was a two million copy best seller. According to this resource the NF 'Idealist' has much less trouble with mates of their own temperament, and 'Idealists' often get along exceptionally well with mates of their own temperament. Two NF's can find deep felt satisfaction in sharing each other's inner world and exploring each other's personal development.

Additionally a choice of an 'Rational' mate seems to hold the best promise of success for 'Idealists.' The basis of their compatibility is that NF's and NT's live primarily in the world of abstract concepts -the world of theories and possibilities, of insights and symbols. Idealists take to Rationals as no other temperament.

The 'SP' 'Artisan' seems to seek a Playmate for their life.
The 'SJ" 'Guardian seems to seek a Helpmate for a mate.
The 'NF' 'Idealist' is on a search for their Soulmate.
An 'NT' 'Rational wish a Mind-mate.
 

AStrange~Nostalgia

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2018
Messages
160
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w1
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Opposites can often be attractive on a superficial level and at a distance, the tricky part is the forming of a deeper connection.
that is very true ,IRL opposites attract from a distance SO well .but both need to make GREAT effort and sacrifices to be in harmony and aware of the different needs and perspective .

p.s: it depends on person`s own life experience , MBTI has nothing to do with the real harmony.(personally thinking)
 

StarFollowed

Stardust
Joined
Jul 12, 2016
Messages
79
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
To a degree, I believe, opposites can attract. I’m married to an ISTJ.

What keeps people together is mutual respect and understanding and some similarities.
 

Hellena Handbasket

Daywalker
Joined
Apr 11, 2018
Messages
1,114
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
666
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I married an estj and what attracted me to him is the fact that he balances me in a lot of ways. We've brought out the best in each other.
But I think the fact that we have shared values, goals, and a willingness to work together to meet the other halfway and understand each other has made more of a difference than anything.
 

Tengri

New member
Joined
Mar 19, 2016
Messages
559
There's some truth to this. My parents are very much opposites and compensate for each other's faults and shortcomings. My mom is a classic ENFJ and my step-dad is an ISTP of the silliest kind (my mom affectionately berates him for not having "a serious bone in his body") and they are very much in love and enjoy being together. While their temperaments are nicely balanced, they also share important values, political ideologies, and cultural backgrounds that are the glue that cements the foundation their relationship. In addition to this, my mom is drawn to intellectual men like her father (my step-dad is in academia), my step-dad appreciates my mom's nurturing and strong family-oriented nature because he had a somewhat hands-off childhood (she works in the psychology field), plus they share the same ethnicity. So, they are attracted to many other differences in addition to opposite personality qualities. Most of the couples I'm friends with are opposites, as well, and their underlying attraction to each other is fairly obvious. I'm still of the opinion that attraction to opposites is healthy within reason, but majorly dependent on individuals, their backgrounds, maturity, and longterm expectations.
 

notmyapples

New member
Joined
Oct 26, 2017
Messages
398
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
To clarify, an XSTP and XNFJ being attracted to each other is far more likely than an XSTP/XNFP or XSTJ/XNFJ attraction. NFs are obviously similar in a lot of ways but our natural chemistry with other types really differs depending on functions. Not to say those combinations can't successfully happen, but they're much less common and often an uphill battle on both sides.
 
Top