Did you have a fucked up childhood??

[Fate—]

Question.

It’s OK. Calm down.

Feel free to explain what your situation was…

 

[tinker683]

I did not.

Both of my parents worked all of the time, but they built an attached in-law suite to my house so my grandparents could live us and watch us when we came home from school until they got home.

I feel like in spite of that, both always did well in making me feel loved, as did my grandparents.

Truthfully, I miss those years terribly. I'd love to have everyone around again

 

[Totenkindly]

I did.

Alcoholic narcissist father, enabling mother.
Conservative religious influence.

My mom always loved me and is the kindest person, but has never been able to provide what I actually needed and she doesn't really grasp me.

My dad could have provided more, but he had his own head up his butt / self-absorbed and also domineering so he was incapable of giving anything of value and pretty much just took, if he was present at all.

It's the kind of thing that makes you strong where the cracks heal, you have to stand on your own at an early age, but it causes other problems later in life too. I don't obsess over it at this point in my life, but it has had residual impact that can't be avoided.

 

[Fate—]

I’m a private person, so I’ll only give “hints”.

I had to fend for myself. Parents wanted me to develop, but wrong methods.

Revenge became a recurring theme. Nightmares became a recurring theme.

I want to achieve regardless of how many enemies I make. And boy, did I make too many enemies.

I work all the time to achieve my dreams. An enemy is an enemy is an enemy.

 

[conscious]

ASPD father (helped him in the corporate world to make lots of money)
Narcissistic mother (with codependent traits)
egocentric older brother that just left and looks down on his younger brothers
younger brother rebelled against everyone and drifted apart

and I was in the middle. -_- Tried to appease everyone, believe everyone was good, slowly over time cut everyone off...younger brother I could probably reconnect with if I wanted to.

I do wonder what it's like to have a healthy family. I think I might try that when I leave the US. There's too many dark triad or neurotic people here and the ones that aren't, I don't relate much with. People also aren't that intellectual. I need that.

I'm sort of wondering if Germany will be better. Most of my interests, especially concerning the theoretical Physicists and lectures I follow are all coincidentally German. I think German culture might have a more intellectual bent than the US.
The PHD physicist youtube channels that are from the US always seem to be extremely academic and somewhat condescending of anyone that doesn't follow what they've learned exactly how they've learned it, even though it's clear a lot of their knowledge has been taken in, without any questioning or really any deeper philosophical understanding of what they've learned. I think it might be what Richard Feynman's "Cargo Cult Science" lecture was predicting Physics would become.
But If I could have one conversation with a German about Physics that doesn't amount to what's only in a textbook, I think it will have been worth moving there. Germans are also said to be more authentic and less artificially friendly like people are in the US, which sounds good to me, even if it means they are harder to befriend.