Did you have a fucked up childhood??

[Fate—]

Question.

It’s OK. Calm down.

Feel free to explain what your situation was…

 

[tinker683]

I did not.

Both of my parents worked all of the time, but they built an attached in-law suite to my house so my grandparents could live us and watch us when we came home from school until they got home.

I feel like in spite of that, both always did well in making me feel loved, as did my grandparents.

Truthfully, I miss those years terribly. I'd love to have everyone around again

 

[Totenkindly]

I did.

Alcoholic narcissist father, enabling mother.
Conservative religious influence.

My mom always loved me and is the kindest person, but has never been able to provide what I actually needed and she doesn't really grasp me.

My dad could have provided more, but he had his own head up his butt / self-absorbed and also domineering so he was incapable of giving anything of value and pretty much just took, if he was present at all.

It's the kind of thing that makes you strong where the cracks heal, you have to stand on your own at an early age, but it causes other problems later in life too. I don't obsess over it at this point in my life, but it has had residual impact that can't be avoided.

 

[Fate—]

I’m a private person, so I’ll only give “hints”.

I had to fend for myself. Parents wanted me to develop, but wrong methods.

Revenge became a recurring theme. Nightmares became a recurring theme.

I want to achieve regardless of how many enemies I make. And boy, did I make too many enemies.

I work all the time to achieve my dreams. An enemy is an enemy is an enemy.

 

[conscious]

ASPD father (helped him in the corporate world to make lots of money)
Narcissistic mother (with codependent traits)
egocentric older brother that just left and looks down on his younger brothers
younger brother rebelled against everyone and drifted apart

and I was in the middle. -_- Tried to appease everyone, believe everyone was good, slowly over time cut everyone off...younger brother I could probably reconnect with if I wanted to.

I do wonder what it's like to have a healthy family. I think I might try that when I leave the US. There's too many dark triad or neurotic people here and the ones that aren't, I don't relate much with. People also aren't that intellectual. I need that.

I'm sort of wondering if Germany will be better. Most of my interests, especially concerning the theoretical Physicists and lectures I follow are all coincidentally German. I think German culture might have a more intellectual bent than the US.
The PHD physicist youtube channels that are from the US always seem to be extremely academic and somewhat condescending of anyone that doesn't follow what they've learned exactly how they've learned it, even though it's clear a lot of their knowledge has been taken in, without any questioning or really any deeper philosophical understanding of what they've learned. I think it might be what Richard Feynman's "Cargo Cult Science" lecture was predicting Physics would become.
But If I could have one conversation with a German about Physics that doesn't amount to what's only in a textbook, I think it will have been worth moving there. Germans are also said to be more authentic and less artificially friendly like people are in the US, which sounds good to me, even if it means they are harder to befriend.

 

[Jeffster]

yes

 

[Falcarius]

Lots of childhood trauma: losing sibling at young age, mother with serious mental health illness, and my oldest sister had serious mental health issues too.

 

[Curious Catzilla]

Dad with ASPD was abusing anabolic steroids, mother with severe CPTSD that resembled BPD or NPD, sexual trauma from brother (both minors), chronic emotional neglect, all while bullied at school and socially isolated to extremes that most people would not understand.

"I walk alone" became my anthem initially, then progressed into a pain point that was so intense and prolonged that it became terrifying on both extremes of the spectrum simultaneously: to lose independence or to be isolated. I willingly endure isolation when it is necessary to avoid less healthy alternatives, but I do experience unpleasant emotional sensations while working toward logic-driven solutions.

No one believes that I have actually overcome the damages solo more effectively than I ever would've had I leaned on professionals, but that's easy to do when the field is broken. Most of them suck at their jobs because consistent application is more necessary than a formal education. An inability to notice contradictions or otherwise reason proficiently undermines whatever efforts many professionals make, but it's more often the ego insecurity that interferes with their performance.

 

[Fate—]

Dad with ASPD was abusing anabolic steroids, mother with severe CPTSD that resembled BPD or NPD, sexual trauma from brother (both minors), chronic emotional neglect, all while bullied at school and socially isolated to extremes that most people would not understand.

"I walk alone" became my anthem initially, then progressed into a pain point that was so intense and prolonged that it became terrifying on both extremes of the spectrum simultaneously: to lose independence or to be isolated. I willingly endure isolation when it is necessary to avoid less healthy alternatives, but I do experience unpleasant emotional sensations while working toward logic-driven solutions.

No one believes that I have actually overcome the damages solo more effectively than I ever would've had I leaned on professionals, but that's easy to do when the field is broken. Most of them suck at their jobs because consistent application is more necessary than a formal education. An inability to notice contradictions or otherwise reason proficiently undermines whatever efforts are there, but it's more often the ego insecurity that interferes with their performance.

Are you fine right now???

Do you still get help now???

Is it bad to try to cure “it” yourself???

 

[Curious Catzilla]

Are you fine right now???

Do you still get help now???

Is it bad to try to cure “it” yourself???

Yes, for the most part. The work is never over, but I'm emotionally regulated.

I've been trying to, but EMDR is the only thing I can do better with help. As for psychoeducation, help impedes my progress because my reasoning and research skills are superior to most people's in this field—and the majority of the psychology work does require raw abstract brainpower as opposed to knowledge. Delineating disorders, accurately categorizing when there's so much comorbidity, applying skills that assist with countering personal biases, developing and adhering to flexible strategic processes, using lateral thinking to adapt to each client's unique needs—because there is so little concrete verification, there is greater necessity for these listed and similar others.

It is only as positive or negative as the outcomes. I think it is more effective for some, but it shouldn't be. It's just the product of the failures within the field. This should never have depended upon the reasoning of individuals in the first place.

 

[Saturnal Snowqueen]

It's hard cause like part of my childhood was F-ed up, and I didn't really realize it for a long time, but when I was a teenager things got better.

My mom was an alcoholic, which makes sense because she was very lonely. She didn't work, so when I was off to school she had nobody. She called me the r word a few times, useless, ignorant multiple times and made me bleed at one point. She also went to jail for a short period of time(drunk driving with no license) which I nearly forgot about but it's crazy to think about as an adult. I know she loved me at heart, though even in her sober moments she could be a bit overprotective(no sleepovers, bought me boys clothes cause they were less revealing, did a lot of school projects for me which I liked as a kid but kinda wish I did more for myself). My dad worked long shifts and we got along alright but we weren't as close as we are as adults, which is a shame cause he's a great confidant.

My mom died at 13 and my dad got married to my current stepmom soon after who is a wonderful woman. I had a lot of issues as a teenager too, but they weren't related to my parents(undiagnosed ADHD/autism, not fitting in at school, etc.). I'm beginning to heal.

 

[Fate—]

It's hard cause like part of my childhood was F-ed up, and I didn't really realize it for a long time, but when I was a teenager things got better.

My mom was an alcoholic, which makes sense because she was very lonely. She didn't work, so when I was off to school she had nobody. She called me the r word a few times, useless, ignorant multiple times and made me bleed at one point. She also went to jail for a short period of time(drunk driving with no license) which I nearly forgot about but it's crazy to think about as an adult. I know she loved me at heart, though even in her sober moments she could be a bit overprotective(no sleepovers, bought me boys clothes cause they were less revealing, did a lot of school projects for me which I liked as a kid but kinda wish I did more for myself). My dad worked long shifts and we got along alright but we weren't as close as we are as adults, which is a shame cause he's a great confidant.

My mom died at 13 and my dad got married to my current stepmom soon after who is a wonderful woman. I had a lot of issues as a teenager too, but they weren't related to my parents(undiagnosed ADHD/autism, not fitting in at school, etc.). I'm beginning to heal.

Did you have anger issues??? (Answer only if you like.)

Did you feel like you never developed enough because of your partially fucked up childhood???

 

[Saturnal Snowqueen]

Did you have anger issues??? (Answer only if you like.)

Did you feel like you never developed enough because of your partially fucked up childhood???

Kinda, I mean I would lash out back at my mom because I mean it's hard not to. But I was a generally passive person with the rest of the people in my life(besides my trollish side), I didn't have anything to provoke me. I try to roll with the punches as an adult. But yeah, I feel like I never developed enough. I don't know how much is related to my childhood vs neurodivergence, but I feel like I wasn't allowed to really be myself and learn anything. Realizing my mom did half my work as a kid made me wonder how much of a gifted kid I was. But I think also I wasn't really pushed a whole lot as a teen either, and you can't push anyone too hard, but I think my family was a bit afraid to push me because of my upbringing. As a 9, I seek balance, and sometimes I don't feel like I received enough as a kid.

 

[Curious Catzilla]

It is only as positive or negative as the outcomes. I think it is more effective for some, but it shouldn't be. It's just the product of the failures within the field. This should never have depended upon the reasoning of individuals in the first place.

Additional thoughts: I think some people forget that the goal is to live well, not to conform to prescriptive processes like monkeys performing for accolades or acknowledgement of credibility from others. That's not to say there's anything wrong with needing treatment, but that participation in treatment processes should not take precedence over genuinely recovering. Not everyone is going to benefit from prescriptive modalities such as talk therapy.

I thought the system was more broken than it is. I'm learning through feedback from professionals and peers in treatment that my mental wiring is quite unusual, which is probably the reason so many conventional practices have failed me. I need to blaze my own trails til the end, I guess.

 

[highlander]

I believe my mom had BPD, and she was challenging to live with. She would vacillate between the most charismatic and loving mother ever and being horrible. Unconditionally loving one minute and screaming the next. It would happen in an instant, sort of like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. She was totally irrational, though she would sometimes make incisive or insightful comments. I rebelled towards the latter part of high school and wouldn't put up with the behavior anymore. Once I was in college, I was gone for the most part but would visit during holidays. I wouldn't say it was f....d up, but it wasn't ideal for sure. That dynamic is likely how I became an Enneagram 6, which is unusual for an INTJ. You always had to be on your toes around her. It affected my selection of girlfriends. If there was any hint of instability, I'd run for the hills. I tended to be attracted to ISFJs. After I moved away, she never treated me poorly ever again, though she was terrible to my dad and my brother.

 

[Lexicon]

Without a doubt, yes.

I can check YES on all but two items on this Adverse Childhood Experience Questionnaire.

https://www.acesaware.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/ACEs-Screener-Identified-English.pdf

I learned from my early experiences how not to be, and I made it a point to learn how to behave and think in ways outside of that black hole those other choices invariably lead to.

And I made it a point to seek out help to handle the damage stemming from those experiences. Something my family never did.

I would say I'm okay now. I am happy. I choose to be happy. I choose love and life. And I have the tools to embrace all of that.

You don't "heal" or "cure" the past. You grow from it. Or not. And you keep growing. Checking in.

I'm actually back in school to become a mental health counselor, myself. 4.0. Turns out I wouldn't mind being that safe person for young people who are struggling alone to turn to. Grad school applications only a couple of months away, now.




We build ourselves, every day. The foundation may have cracks, but you can reinforce those later on and she'll hold just fine.

 

[Curious Catzilla]

Yeah. My ACE is 10, but my most pressing concerns reside elsewhere. I've healed enough from past damages to function and cultivate a healthier life. There will always be other things to heal from, but the same applies to anyone.

I think I prefer to spend my time with those who have a certain depth that only evolves from difficult experiences. I don't want to invest into unhealed individuals who manifest toxic behaviors, but the ones who overcome are interesting because they have a wealth of wisdom and developed psychological architecture. I find simplistic people who do little more than eat, work, breathe, sleep, and repeat, insufferably insipid.

 

[Fate—]

Additional thoughts: I think some people forget that the goal is to live well, not to conform to prescriptive processes like monkeys performing for accolades or acknowledgement of credibility from others. That's not to say there's anything wrong with needing treatment, but that participation in treatment processes should not take precedence over genuinely recovering. Not everyone is going to benefit from prescriptive modalities such as talk therapy.

I thought the system was more broken than it is. I'm learning through feedback from professionals and peers in treatment that my mental wiring is quite unusual, which is probably the reason so many conventional practices have failed me. I need to blaze my own trails til the end, I guess.

Autism???

Yeah. My ACE is 10, but my most pressing concerns reside elsewhere. I've healed enough from past damages to function and cultivate a healthier life. There will always be other things to heal from, but the same applies to anyone.

I think I prefer to spend my time with those who have a certain depth that only evolves from difficult experiences. I don't want to invest into unhealed individuals who manifest toxic behaviors, but the ones who overcome are interesting because they have a wealth of wisdom and developed psychological architecture. I find simplistic people who do little more than eat, work, breathe, sleep, and repeat, insufferably insipid.

Do you want to help others who had “difficult” experiences because you experienced them yourself???

 

[Curious Catzilla]

Autism???

No official diagnosis. I did some research into similarities and the therapists who suggested testing were wrong.

I kind of wonder if there are problems caused by generational toxin exposure instead of mental health problems.

Do you want to help others who had “difficult” experiences because you experienced them yourself???

I don't know. Probably not. If there's anything I learned from group therapy, it's that my needs and internal experiences (of external events) were incredibly unusual. Most don't relate. I directly asked if anyone related ad nauseum, but I mostly got people who found me interesting and told me how different I am. One said she would love to study my brain. I'm apparently some sort of alien, so helping others like me wouldn't benefit a substantial number of people and I'm not the best resource for those who significantly differ from myself.

Lol literally the opposite of the intended effect of group therapy. It's supposed to help you find others who relate to you, not leave you wondering what alien dropped you off on a spaceship without at least giving you Superman powers. God has a sense of humor.

 

[Curious Catzilla]

Is it bad to try to cure “it” yourself???

Answering again after spending 8 months in treatment centers experiencing what it's like when people in the field get money hungry and have more power:

No. If everyone would get online, research skillfully, and apply what they learn, psychologists would become obsolete. They aren't even professionals to me anymore. Their entire profession is a scam and a pathetic joke unless they work with children, adolescents, or people whose reality is so compromised that they poop in the shower and hear little policemen standing on their ears. Systemically, these groups suffer as much as the elderly in nursing homes because the psychologists are humans and no amount of money can purchase heartfelt, genuine compassion—especially not the low wages they make.

If you want to quantitatively understand the nature of humans in a certain field, observe them in extremes: positions of power, tempted by large sums of money, and unregulated by laws or supervision. The rest at least have that lying dormant within them. They're not your friends and you can't trust most of them.

Psychology is one of the easiest fields for DIY if your brain is developed and you have your mental faculties. Give neuroscientists enough time to realize humans are sick because we've strayed too far from nature and they'll become mostly obsolete anyway—not because we'll revert, but because we'll grab our morning lab meat infused with synthetic neurochemicals that nature provided better to begin with, then develop yet more synthetic garbage to treat the side effects of yet more of our own poison. I have a love-hate relationship with neuroscience.

Eat chemical, get fucked. Stuff chickens with growth hormones, get sick. Most of this shit is just the monetarily-endowed mankind overcomplicating common sense to obfuscate the dirty deeds that pay them the big bucks. Those who expose the truths get shut down hardcore. Mental health crises are more prevalent because our lifestyles are unnatural. EMDR can be performed in our sleep, and certain vitamins, minerals, and lifestyle changes improve our sleep. It's all connected. Consume quality sources of magnesium L-Threonate, reverse like 9 years of age-related cognitive decline. An unnatural product with such effects would be all the rage, but there's no monetary profit in advertising the power of nature, so we're just marching to the beat of war drums sounded against ourselves and then lining the pockets of Big Pharma as we suffer from learned helplessness.

Basically, just fucking read. We're not helpless, just undereducated and overworked. Learn financial literacy, get off of the consumeristic hamster wheel, make time to sit with ourselves and educate our minds, and live as humans instead of poisoned cogs in someone else's money machine. Nature is the predominant cure. The systems are not designed to support us, but nature is. Only the minority genuinely needs medical intervention. Quantitatively speaking, most of us chase our own tails by using science to discover new problems that we unintentionally created with our own hands. We think too much in short-term effects and instant gratification, only later realizing long-term consequences that are obfuscated by the powers that profit—then, we blame those in power while sitting on our hands. Too many resort to escapism when we should be genuinely escaping the backwards progress we pursued.