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[SP] Dating and having intimate relationships as an attractive ISTP (or ESTP) woman?

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
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Jun 6, 2008
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You're probably right but it seems like many other xSTP women have a harder time dating so there's also a correlation with MBTI, that's why i made the thread.



I know all of that but I said it "just in case".
Although since I am from typological view a good match for you can I ask you why do you think that STP women have harder time dating ? (in your short opinion)
 

JenniferCheck

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I know all of that but I said it "just in case".
Although since I am from typological view a good match for you can I ask you why do you think that STP women have harder time dating ? (in your short opinion)
I think i already provided some pretty good explanations in this thread.
 

Siúil a Rúin

To the waters of the wild
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You mention possibly going with an older man and that might be a good approach. There are a lot of ways to connect online, so you may not be limited to your work environment. You mention that ultra masculine men look for ultra feminine women, and I'm not convinced of that. I think people tend to get together within similar cultures. For one example of "ultra-masculine", I think the tough biker crowd type man is stereotyped to have a biker-chik. I kinda think that the tougher men tend to want women who are a little bit tough.

I am a bit sensitive and my first husband was an INTP, but most of that sensitivity was lost on him. He's with a tough-minded ENTP now and they have a stable, long-term relationship. Although I'm a bit older and burnt out on relationships myself, even fulfilling a feminine, sensitive role, but I'm also highly intelligent and unusual, so easily dismissed. I do know the standard type of woman who is most highly prized for a traditional relationship. There were several women like that in college that were sought after by dozens of guys.

I feel like you are young enough, that you may have a perspective influenced by a smaller amount of environments and that you will probably do much better in another environment. It is also true that finding true compatibility is very difficult in life. I would tend to say to not feel any pressure to change yourself, but explore more broadly your ability to change your environment. Do you have any thoughts on that approach?

Edit: Something just occurred to me: interestingly, even my example of my INTP ex who pairs well with a tough-minded ENTP now was actually interested in a traditional type of woman in college. He liked me and another girl who was sought after by several guys and we had a significant intelligence differential. I think there might be a way that young guys tend to go with unconscious peer pressure to value what everyone else values, even when they themselves are quite different and unique. I think giving it time or looking for someone more mature could make a difference.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
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Messages
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I think i already provided some pretty good explanations in this thread.


That is why I said short so that the bottom lines come quicker to the surface.


Therefore after some reading I can say that conventional wisdom is that Ti-doms should date Te-doms. While from what I have seen e5 women tend go really well with e1 men in general (what is kinda Ti/Te story in different language).


So I can only add that with typical F women I kinda don't have the chemistry unless they are quite educated or intellectual. I really need someone that is more like me to have a real relationship in the long run. Plus if you want stability you should probably search men that are a little bit older than you. They don't even have to be truly older, but more mentally mature for their age. I personally was never really a teen in mental/emotional sense.



So just one question: what is your take on J/P differences ?
 

Abcdenfp

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You mention possibly going with an older man and that might be a good approach. There are a lot of ways to connect online, so you may not be limited to your work environment. You mention that ultra masculine men look for ultra feminine women, and I'm not convinced of that. I think people tend to get together within similar cultures. For one example of "ultra-masculine", I think the tough biker crowd type man is stereotyped to have a biker-chik. I kinda think that the tougher men tend to want women who are a little bit tough. I am a bit sensitive and my first husband was an INTP, but most of that sensitivity was lost on him. He's with a tough-minded ENTP now and they have a stable, long-term relationship. Although I'm a bit older and burnt out on relationships myself, even fulfilling a feminine, sensitive role, but I'm also highly intelligent and unusual, so easily dismissed. I do know the standard type of woman who is most highly prized for a traditional relationship. There were several women like that in college that were sought after by dozens of guys. I feel like you are young enough, that you may have a perspective influenced by a smaller amount of environments and that you will probably do much better in another environment. It is also true that finding true compatibility is very difficult in life. I would tend to say to not feel any pressure to change yourself, but explore more broadly your ability to change your environment. Do you have any thoughts on that approach? Edit: Something just occurred to me: interestingly, even my example of my INTP ex who pairs well with a tough-minded ENTP now was actually interested in a traditional type of woman in college. He liked me and another girl who was sought after by several guys and we had a significant intelligence differential. I think there might be a way that young guys tend to go with unconscious peer pressure to value what everyone else values, even when they themselves are quite different and unique. I think giving it time or looking for someone more mature could make a difference.
I think really a lot of what she is struggling with has to do with maturity on her end and on the end of the partners she would do well with. I find ST's take way longer than most to settle into their bones. They ignore and supress feelings not seeing the tremendous value in them until way later in life.
 

highlander

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That is why I said short so that the bottom lines come quicker to the surface. Therefore after some reading I can say that conventional wisdom is that Ti-doms should date Te-doms. While from what I have seen e5 women tend go really well with e1 men in general (what is kinda Ti/Te story in different language). So I can only add that with typical F women I kinda don't have the chemistry unless they are quite educated or intellectual. I really need someone that is more like me to have a real relationship in the long run. Plus if you want stability you should probably search men that are a little bit older than you. They don't even have to be truly older, but more mentally mature for their age. I personally was never really a teen in mental/emotional sense. So just one question: what is your take on J/P differences ?
I agree with literally nothing you said. How much experience do you have with relationships?
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
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I agree with literally nothing you said. How much experience do you have with relationships?


With romantic ones ? My experiences are quite limited and I seem to share a decent amount of problems with the OP.
Although what I said is based on that limited experience and the info I encountered around typology stuff. (that post was personal advice, nothing more)
 

JenniferCheck

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Aug 5, 2020
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ISTP
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so
That is why I said short so that the bottom lines come quicker to the surface.


Therefore after some reading I can say that conventional wisdom is that Ti-doms should date Te-doms. While from what I have seen e5 women tend go really well with e1 men in general (what is kinda Ti/Te story in different language).


So I can only add that with typical F women I kinda don't have the chemistry unless they are quite educated or intellectual. I really need someone that is more like me to have a real relationship in the long run. Plus if you want stability you should probably search men that are a little bit older than you. They don't even have to be truly older, but more mentally mature for their age. I personally was never really a teen in mental/emotional sense.



So just one question: what is your take on J/P differences ?

I agree with you. I can definitely see why I'd be quite compatible with an ESTJ or an ENTJ. I definitely find enneagram 1 men attractive too.
And i guess i feel the same way. ENFP men for example can be really fun and charismatic but they "don't speak my language". I have nothing against being friends with them and feeler men in general but as far as relationships are concerned i'd like to date someone who's as or almost as emotionally detached as i am which is a challenge in itself.

For example ENTP men can be a tad bit too argumentative but aside from that i love being around them. They're really random and witty. It's what my female friend is like. So it's not like i'll limit myself to only potentially dating Te-doms, even if they're the most compatible types for me. But i definitely would prefer only or at least mainly dating thinker men if we're talking about long-term relationships. I don't like feeling like the more masculine one and that always happens when i'm around feeler men. I'm obviously not saying that there can't be any exceptions but i'm talking about what it's like in general.

And i think that it really depends on the type specifically. (differences between perceiving and judging types)
I think that introverted judgers, especially INTJs can be a little bit too rigid for my taste because i can be quite spontaneous at times. Extroverted judgers are also (compared to me) rigid in their own way but their dominant function is extroverted and for whatever reason they seem to be more compatible with me compared to their introverted counterparts. Even if they're enneagram 1s, weirdly enough. If i were to date an introverted perciever though we'd both procrastinate way too much and i feel like there should be at least one person in the relationship that's more stereotypically organized, so to speak. The only exception i can think of is an older than me and really focused INTP. Extrovereted percievers, especially ENTPs with their Ne-domness can also be super unorganized and etc. but because they're so much more outgoing than i am it's slightly more easier for them to naturally take charge, i guess. I can definitely see myself dating an older ENTP.
 

JenniferCheck

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Some of them stalk men too much.
I disagree. I don't know what kind of pick me xSTP woman/women you've stumbled upon but we don't "stalk" or chase men in general. It's usually the opposite.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
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I agree with you. I can definitely see why I'd be quite compatible with an ESTJ or an ENTJ. I definitely find enneagram 1 men attractive too.
And i guess i feel the same way. ENFP men for example can be really fun and charismatic but they "don't speak my language". I have nothing against being friends with them and feeler men in general but as far as relationships are concerned i'd like to date someone who's as or almost as emotionally detached as i am which is a challenge in itself.

For example ENTP men can be a tad bit too argumentative but aside from that i love being around them. They're really random and witty. It's what my female friend is like. So it's not like i'll limit myself to only potentially dating Te-doms, even if they're the most compatible types for me. But i definitely would prefer only or at least mainly dating thinker men if we're talking about long-term relationships. I don't like feeling like the more masculine one and that always happens when i'm around feeler men. I'm obviously not saying that there can't be any exceptions but i'm talking about what it's like in general.

And i think that it really depends on the type specifically. (differences between perceiving and judging types)
I think that introverted judgers, especially INTJs can be a little bit too rigid for my taste because i can be quite spontaneous at times. Extroverted judgers are also (compared to me) rigid in their own way but their dominant function is extroverted and for whatever reason they seem to be more compatible with me compared to their introverted counterparts. Even if they're enneagram 1s, weirdly enough. If i were to date an introverted perciever though we'd both procrastinate way too much and i feel like there should be at least one person in the relationship that's more stereotypically organized, so to speak. The only exception i can think of is an older than me and really focused INTP. Extrovereted percievers, especially ENTPs with their Ne-domness can also be super unorganized and etc. but because they're so much more outgoing than i am it's slightly more easier for them to naturally take charge, i guess. I can definitely see myself dating an older ENTP.



I fully understand, since I also in 4 eyes don't really speak the same language as most Fs. Deep down we simply operate on different level that creates communication problems in most situations. Therefore if I want to go in this direction Sx thinkers are probably a better fit. I mean I am quite rigid so for the sake of balance and fun it is better that the girl is more random and fun. But if it is too much that also creates communication problems, if not concrete problems. What kinda sucks on the long run for obvious reasons.
 

Virtual ghost

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Also regarding "what I saw" claims:




This was a part of one research that was around few years ago.
 

highlander

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Also regarding "what I saw" claims:




This was a part of one research that was around few years ago.

That is a good study. I think it would be more interesting to understand marital satisfaction. This shows what types are drawn to others. What tends to happen when we are young is we are attracted to our opposite which isn't always the best thing in the long run. I have been wanting to do studies on this kind thing for a long time.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
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That is a good study. I think it would be more interesting to understand marital satisfaction. This shows what types are drawn to others. What tends to happen when we are young is we are attracted to our opposite which isn't always the best thing in the long run. I have been wanting to do studies on this kind thing for a long time.



I can only say that I managed to find the whole thing.

Enneagram Relationships & Marriages
 

Abcdenfp

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That is a good study. I think it would be more interesting to understand marital satisfaction. This shows what types are drawn to others. What tends to happen when we are young is we are attracted to our opposite which isn't always the best thing in the long run. I have been wanting to do studies on this kind thing for a long time.

I think that would a very interesting research topic. I wonder why that is.
 

highlander

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I think that would a very interesting research topic. I wonder why that is.

I think I will do it. We use Survey Monkey for the site satisfaction survey and it wouldn't be hard to pull this together and send out an email to the forum membership.
 

highlander

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I think that would a very interesting research topic. I wonder why that is.

As an aside, I think it's biological to propagate the species. Opposites can compliment each other in terms of strengths which has value in child rearing and other things. The average cave man only lived to be 25 and the average life expectancy reached 33 in the middle ages so the dynamic was different during the majority of time that mankind has been on earth.
 
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