Hi all,
Id really love some help! I have known about MBTI/Socionics for years and have identified as an ENFP. I've also known about Enneagram but ignored it mostly until now. I tend to write really long posts on forums so i'll try to keep this brief so it doesn't get off track.
A little bit of a history: - I am definitely ENFp most likely the Fi subtype. When i'm not worried, i'm very good at connecting with people, i have a lot of social skill, tact, humor and timing at my disposal. When i was younger (up to age 15) i was very happy, i had a very wide circle of friends and i felt healthy, i liked people and they liked me. I also have the problems associated with some ENFps too (poor logic / organisation, not following through on projects etc).
At age 15 unfortunately i started losing my hair, and while i seemed to handle it ok, I had a lot of self doubt, and developed a very bad anxiety disorder. I then started reading about a medication i took (and a the huge community that had formed around the idea that even after quitting the drug there is permanent side effects). A very long story short, i spent the next decade trying to fix myself. I worried incessantly, reading about my problems, becoming upset, trying to pull myself out of my rut, reading, thinking, getting nowhere. I still held down a job / socialized but I was never happy and had this ever present worry/fear in my head that something was very wrong with me that needed to be fixed. I've felt like i've been trying to figure out exactly what i need to be happy.
Eventually with finding the right resources and a lot of self determination i have minimized my anxiety a huge amount. I'm left with the consequences of the unhappy life that i have created (sitting at home fixated on myself too much, not having lots of social opportunities, few hobbies and basically being upset that i'm such a loner. How did things end up like this?). I'm fortunately pretty successful in my job.
So lately reading about personality types again i have become fixated, to the point where i am spending ALL of my spare time reading them about them. I cant let it go, i voraciously search for answers and this is what happens when i'm at my worst. I don't relax or do fun things much, i feel like i have to tear myself away from the computer only to be still thinking about it while i'm going to the gym or wherever. I've been literally sitting here all morning reading about mostly enneagram and telling myself to get up and do something. I'm about to force myself to get off the pc but its tough. While i am intelligent in some ways, i don't seem logical enough to stop myself from going around in circles.
I've done a test and the first one came up as 9 mostly with 4 and a bit of 7.
Type 9 - Some elements i can definitely relate to - Strangely, i do actually see myself as chilled out. If my friends want to see a movie i genuinely don't care what we see. I never get in arguments with anyone (except my father) as i have a very flexible way of thinking. I typically can see most other peoples side of an argument. The part about merging personalities with others kind of made sense - I often feel that i don't have a strong personality, i'm a bit boring as i don't have any major defining interests / hobbies. I did read though that this ennagram type is unlikely for ENFP. What i guess doesn't seem to fit though is this numbing that they suggest happens. Perhaps i do a bit but it seems to be that i've focused on my problems head on for far too long.
Type 4 - This one i can relate to a lot. I was shocked to read this type and became a bit upset after reading it. I read about 4w5 becoming lost in their own problems and that is exactly what i have done for the last decade. The things that don't fit are the creativeness at all. I don't create anything, nor do i have the urge too either. I also don't seem to feel i have to be different particularly? I have often wondered what the hell is wrong with me but i don't have a strong need to be different. I do feel different from most but i don't outwardly show it. I definitely do think that something is wrong with me, but i think its based in reality (the fact that i am worrying my life away and not living it). Its possible that because i'm the ENFp-Fi subtype (subdued) that counteracts the individualistic tendencies of 4 but i just don't know. All these people online say its impossible to be an extrovert and be a 4. I don't think this is the case as ENFp's can be more ambiverted. These days i don't even feel that upset to not see friends on the weekends but i'm upset that i don't feel like connecting anymore. I don't particularly relate to envy as a problem. I do get envious that people can go through life without as much worry, but i don't direct this to anyone in particular.
I'll leave it there, i wish i was a 7 to be honest but if i reflect back on my life and how i've tried to deal with things that seems like an impossibility. I'll be honest, i'm tired of searching i just want to let go and feel ok now. All i want is a happy life so i'm hoping ennegram can help me do it. I'll admit i'm probably a bit dysthymic / depressed which complicates things a bit. If you can help me id really value it. Thanks
Id really love some help! I have known about MBTI/Socionics for years and have identified as an ENFP. I've also known about Enneagram but ignored it mostly until now. I tend to write really long posts on forums so i'll try to keep this brief so it doesn't get off track.
A little bit of a history: - I am definitely ENFp most likely the Fi subtype. When i'm not worried, i'm very good at connecting with people, i have a lot of social skill, tact, humor and timing at my disposal. When i was younger (up to age 15) i was very happy, i had a very wide circle of friends and i felt healthy, i liked people and they liked me. I also have the problems associated with some ENFps too (poor logic / organisation, not following through on projects etc).
At age 15 unfortunately i started losing my hair, and while i seemed to handle it ok, I had a lot of self doubt, and developed a very bad anxiety disorder. I then started reading about a medication i took (and a the huge community that had formed around the idea that even after quitting the drug there is permanent side effects). A very long story short, i spent the next decade trying to fix myself. I worried incessantly, reading about my problems, becoming upset, trying to pull myself out of my rut, reading, thinking, getting nowhere. I still held down a job / socialized but I was never happy and had this ever present worry/fear in my head that something was very wrong with me that needed to be fixed. I've felt like i've been trying to figure out exactly what i need to be happy.
Eventually with finding the right resources and a lot of self determination i have minimized my anxiety a huge amount. I'm left with the consequences of the unhappy life that i have created (sitting at home fixated on myself too much, not having lots of social opportunities, few hobbies and basically being upset that i'm such a loner. How did things end up like this?). I'm fortunately pretty successful in my job.
So lately reading about personality types again i have become fixated, to the point where i am spending ALL of my spare time reading them about them. I cant let it go, i voraciously search for answers and this is what happens when i'm at my worst. I don't relax or do fun things much, i feel like i have to tear myself away from the computer only to be still thinking about it while i'm going to the gym or wherever. I've been literally sitting here all morning reading about mostly enneagram and telling myself to get up and do something. I'm about to force myself to get off the pc but its tough. While i am intelligent in some ways, i don't seem logical enough to stop myself from going around in circles.
I've done a test and the first one came up as 9 mostly with 4 and a bit of 7.
Type 9 - Some elements i can definitely relate to - Strangely, i do actually see myself as chilled out. If my friends want to see a movie i genuinely don't care what we see. I never get in arguments with anyone (except my father) as i have a very flexible way of thinking. I typically can see most other peoples side of an argument. The part about merging personalities with others kind of made sense - I often feel that i don't have a strong personality, i'm a bit boring as i don't have any major defining interests / hobbies. I did read though that this ennagram type is unlikely for ENFP. What i guess doesn't seem to fit though is this numbing that they suggest happens. Perhaps i do a bit but it seems to be that i've focused on my problems head on for far too long.
Type 4 - This one i can relate to a lot. I was shocked to read this type and became a bit upset after reading it. I read about 4w5 becoming lost in their own problems and that is exactly what i have done for the last decade. The things that don't fit are the creativeness at all. I don't create anything, nor do i have the urge too either. I also don't seem to feel i have to be different particularly? I have often wondered what the hell is wrong with me but i don't have a strong need to be different. I do feel different from most but i don't outwardly show it. I definitely do think that something is wrong with me, but i think its based in reality (the fact that i am worrying my life away and not living it). Its possible that because i'm the ENFp-Fi subtype (subdued) that counteracts the individualistic tendencies of 4 but i just don't know. All these people online say its impossible to be an extrovert and be a 4. I don't think this is the case as ENFp's can be more ambiverted. These days i don't even feel that upset to not see friends on the weekends but i'm upset that i don't feel like connecting anymore. I don't particularly relate to envy as a problem. I do get envious that people can go through life without as much worry, but i don't direct this to anyone in particular.
I'll leave it there, i wish i was a 7 to be honest but if i reflect back on my life and how i've tried to deal with things that seems like an impossibility. I'll be honest, i'm tired of searching i just want to let go and feel ok now. All i want is a happy life so i'm hoping ennegram can help me do it. I'll admit i'm probably a bit dysthymic / depressed which complicates things a bit. If you can help me id really value it. Thanks
