Often we mistype ourselves because we aren't consciously aware of some aspects of our behavior, aspects which are painfully obvious to those who observe us.
Just as anyone else, I also have aspects in my behavior which I was completely unaware of until multiple people started pointing them one. And one of these most prominent qualities is to act and speak in a "commanding" tone or manner.
For the most part of my life, since birth, I was extremely introverted, preferred to never make a sound, even refused to cry, rarely spoke or showed any kind of initiative or motivation to do anything. I was extremely shy and socially awkward, basically constantly curled up in a ball in a dark corner. This part of me I was conscious of, and this caused me to believe that this kind of "personality" permeates my entire existence and defines who I am.
But what I didn't consciously realize until recently, is that whenever I was asked to do any task, carried any kind of responsibility, or was faced with a challenge, I jumped at it with absolute physical and mental aggression, and often overdid it. I'll list several examples of such behavior, which some of you might find to have no correlation at all, but I think they are interconnected nevertheless:
- When I need someone to do something, I'll say it in a literal, blunt, very short, yet very descriptive manner, and often in a commanding tone. The "commanding tone" part I was never aware of, until people started pointing it out. To me it always felt as though I'm talking in a very polite and pleasant manner, but I guess I'm the only person who actually believes this.
I speak with a person as if he is my equal, try to respect him and be helpful to him, but in reality, that person feels none of those things, and instead ends up feeling belittled, imposed upon, ordered-around, etc. As I found out, many of my peers feel like I'm controlling them or treating them as inferiors.
- When someone wants to tell me something, I ask him to cut to the chase, because I don't have the patience to listen to the whole story leading up to the main point he's trying to make. This is hypocritical of me, because when I'm trying to tell a story, I never leave out any details.
- I get extremely irritated when someone answers my question with a question. For example:
Me: "Where are you going?"
Person: "Why do you ask?"
Me: "Don't answer my question with a question. I asked where are you going. Try answering again."
- When someone tries to make a decision, I tend to hurry him, announce the pros and cons, and then ask him why he's taking so long to make a decision. This is again hypocritical of me, because I personally take much longer to make a decision than most people, but when it comes to others making decisions, I often force them to get their act together and hurry up. And when I say it takes me "much longer", I mean months, even years, before I'm satisfied with a decision or choice.
- When I'm asked to do any task, I tend to overdo it 2-fold or 3-fold. Best way to illustrate this, is when I went camping with my dad, and he asked me to bring him a tree branch, I always brought a small tree instead. (or most recently, when I was asked to support my department at work, when most of the employees were skipping work, I ended up setting a new company record, by single-highhandedly carrying out the entire workload of the whole department by my lonesome self.)
- When a crisis arises, I tend to get very agitated, but instead of getting lost or confused, I instantly jump into my "commander" mode, and start telling people what to do. This crisis can be solved only if everyone performs to his greatest ability and does what he does best - hence, it's my job to force everyone to do what they should be doing. If someone else in the group takes the leadership role faster than I can react, I won't fight over it, and will instead silently observe him, wait until he makes his first mistake, then hijack his position, and take leadership myself.
These things tend to happen, despite the fact that I'm extremely introverted, prefer to avoid human contact, prefer to avoid getting involved in social things. But somehow, in my little mind, "taking charge" and "socializing" are 2 completely different things. First one feels comfortable to me, and second one causes horrific discomfort.
Why do I do these things?
Because deep down in my heart (if I have one), I believe that it is "good manners" to be efficiently helpful. If someone has a problem, it has to be solved as effectively and quickly as possible, and he should be thanking me for being so patronizing and forceful with him, because I'm helping him solve his problem. I'm pushing all of his and my resources towards a solution, there's no time to be "gentle".
If someone is suffering a crisis situation or is in danger, again, he should be grateful to me for trying to get him out of danger as quickly as possible, even if that involves unquestionably following my commands and enduring my harshness.
And if she wanted just one candy, she should be grateful I brought 3 boxes of candy instead, because more is better than less.
Just as anyone else, I also have aspects in my behavior which I was completely unaware of until multiple people started pointing them one. And one of these most prominent qualities is to act and speak in a "commanding" tone or manner.
For the most part of my life, since birth, I was extremely introverted, preferred to never make a sound, even refused to cry, rarely spoke or showed any kind of initiative or motivation to do anything. I was extremely shy and socially awkward, basically constantly curled up in a ball in a dark corner. This part of me I was conscious of, and this caused me to believe that this kind of "personality" permeates my entire existence and defines who I am.
But what I didn't consciously realize until recently, is that whenever I was asked to do any task, carried any kind of responsibility, or was faced with a challenge, I jumped at it with absolute physical and mental aggression, and often overdid it. I'll list several examples of such behavior, which some of you might find to have no correlation at all, but I think they are interconnected nevertheless:
- When I need someone to do something, I'll say it in a literal, blunt, very short, yet very descriptive manner, and often in a commanding tone. The "commanding tone" part I was never aware of, until people started pointing it out. To me it always felt as though I'm talking in a very polite and pleasant manner, but I guess I'm the only person who actually believes this.
I speak with a person as if he is my equal, try to respect him and be helpful to him, but in reality, that person feels none of those things, and instead ends up feeling belittled, imposed upon, ordered-around, etc. As I found out, many of my peers feel like I'm controlling them or treating them as inferiors.
- When someone wants to tell me something, I ask him to cut to the chase, because I don't have the patience to listen to the whole story leading up to the main point he's trying to make. This is hypocritical of me, because when I'm trying to tell a story, I never leave out any details.
- I get extremely irritated when someone answers my question with a question. For example:
Me: "Where are you going?"
Person: "Why do you ask?"
Me: "Don't answer my question with a question. I asked where are you going. Try answering again."
- When someone tries to make a decision, I tend to hurry him, announce the pros and cons, and then ask him why he's taking so long to make a decision. This is again hypocritical of me, because I personally take much longer to make a decision than most people, but when it comes to others making decisions, I often force them to get their act together and hurry up. And when I say it takes me "much longer", I mean months, even years, before I'm satisfied with a decision or choice.
- When I'm asked to do any task, I tend to overdo it 2-fold or 3-fold. Best way to illustrate this, is when I went camping with my dad, and he asked me to bring him a tree branch, I always brought a small tree instead. (or most recently, when I was asked to support my department at work, when most of the employees were skipping work, I ended up setting a new company record, by single-highhandedly carrying out the entire workload of the whole department by my lonesome self.)
- When a crisis arises, I tend to get very agitated, but instead of getting lost or confused, I instantly jump into my "commander" mode, and start telling people what to do. This crisis can be solved only if everyone performs to his greatest ability and does what he does best - hence, it's my job to force everyone to do what they should be doing. If someone else in the group takes the leadership role faster than I can react, I won't fight over it, and will instead silently observe him, wait until he makes his first mistake, then hijack his position, and take leadership myself.
These things tend to happen, despite the fact that I'm extremely introverted, prefer to avoid human contact, prefer to avoid getting involved in social things. But somehow, in my little mind, "taking charge" and "socializing" are 2 completely different things. First one feels comfortable to me, and second one causes horrific discomfort.
Why do I do these things?
Because deep down in my heart (if I have one), I believe that it is "good manners" to be efficiently helpful. If someone has a problem, it has to be solved as effectively and quickly as possible, and he should be thanking me for being so patronizing and forceful with him, because I'm helping him solve his problem. I'm pushing all of his and my resources towards a solution, there's no time to be "gentle".
If someone is suffering a crisis situation or is in danger, again, he should be grateful to me for trying to get him out of danger as quickly as possible, even if that involves unquestionably following my commands and enduring my harshness.
And if she wanted just one candy, she should be grateful I brought 3 boxes of candy instead, because more is better than less.
