Type me? (Type me!)

[ayoitsStepho]

But I'm so lame!

Aww, thanks. Yeah, I don't really take type very seriously. And lol, I appreciate the typing anyway.

Um, excuse me?! ISFP's are the shit! If you're being typed as so, you are the shit. Come join our shit storm.

 

[Lady Lazarus]

Oh, that makes sense now. So you're saying a 4 would have at least level one figured out and a 9 would still be at ground zero? It's true that I did have sort of an idea at first, but it was more like me trying on different suits until I found the right one that fit best. And then I'd customize it as I go.

Actually, that does sound a lot like my sister. The thing with her is that she's always talked about not having a real identity, but it never really bothered her. At least as much as it would with me, since I know that would be the bane of my existence. I'd be searching frantically for that something that can be used symbolically for myself, as that's what gives me a reason to live. I'm not sure if my sister is an sx first, but I know she at least has it second in her stacking.

Sometimes I wonder if we make this WAY more complicated than it is.

You've got it. And you put it so much more concisely than I did too! I have no idea why I said the same thing like 20 different ways in my post tbh.

Ah, yeah sx 9 is the one that's excruciatingly aware of the depth of their emptiness, hence the troubling aspect. So that might be why she just kind of goes with it since she's either sp/sx or so/sx.

Lol, oh, we totally do. But it's ok, we are fabulous while doing so because:

 

[five sounds]

Good to see ya Lady Laz!! I’ll try to go back and actually give a response if I’m able to form an opinion haha

 

[five sounds]

9w8 seems spot on for you give the questionnaire and my understanding of enneatypes lol
Probably social last too. sx/sp is giving you that intensity and outsider-ness people are attributing to 4 and 5 I think.

 

[erijon3]

ISFP my ass, a definite NF here.

And I'd say I and J (though I'm not sure about those).

 

[Lyra.I]

This may not be very helpful since so many people have already said the same thing but ISFP does fit almost perfectly. All your answers are super Fi and the "always feeling one with the environment" thing has to be Se, it wouldn't apply to an INFP since having high Ne (and low sensing) leaves little scope for being in touch with your surroundings (i can vouch for that lol).
I'm still sorta new to enneagram so i'll refrain from trying my hand at that one XD

 

[Lyra.I]

ISFP my ass, a definite NF here.

And I'd say I and J (though I'm not sure about those).

i'm asking out of curiosity, are you familiar with the cognitive functions?

 

[Lady Lazarus]

Don't read my novel PD, it's just like Twilight.

Like most teenage girls I once thought I was INFP 4w5 sx/sp because I was (am?) weird and creepy. But we all know that if I were actually INFP, I would be better at coming up with thread titles.

Anyway, when I was a teenaged girl on this website who came on here to fight with everyone for reasons I can't really remember I did identify with a lot of the 4's symptoms but deep down did not identify with the root of those symptoms, AKA an excessively strong sense of self, which is why I would make 200 threads like this in order to make people reassure me of my identity attachments and therefore essentially tell me who I am.

Someone eventually suggested e9 to me after the 197th thread and of course I was like "hell no" initially because to this day I still don't relate to most of the other 9's. Especially not when they talk about how they got overlooked as children, I was (and possibly still am?) actually kind of a bitch as a kid so I don't identify with most of their experiences. And I still don't relate to all of the non-subtype/general e9 descriptions and like, social 9 descriptions. I wanted to understand this suggestion though (apparently the fact that I'm generally a reasonable person is very e9 of me) so I did research over the years that is now this excessively synthesized, jumbled mess in my head. Eventually I began to understand that I am in fact a 9 in a way that is highly reflected in my feelings of not having any real idea how to have desires of my own and for myself. 13 years of my life are essentially me trying to be what the first person I loved and did not love me thought I should be. Without this I feel directionless and like I don't have a good grasp of how to have desires that are really purely my own. I can be passionate and all of that but it feels confused and directionless without that. Like screaming into a void. The location of my psuedo-identity here is why I chose sx/sp 9 instead of sp/sx 9.

At this point I see how there is a lot more nuance to the way I relate to e9 than they way I can relate to some aspects of 4. As Lotus astutely pointed out, I can connect to 4's stereotype and I would indeed fall into it a lot. However, the way I relate to 9 transcends stereotypes into something more complicated and is much more reflective of the way typology can be applied to a human because of its complexity.

With regards to sp/sx 4 specifically, because they're the countertype I kind of align them with cp6's as people who bark loudly without biting but want to be told it's ok to not do that. But whereas 6's want to be told it's ok to let things go and be calm (9), I think sp 4 wants to be told it's ok to be as sensitive of a person as they are deep down. I'm actually not an excessively sensitive person deep down, instead I'm kind of blunt and hard inside but these things aren't obscuring one another the way it works for cp6 and sp4, instead they're in tension with one another due to my anxiety. To illustrate with an anecdote, when I was first dating my first boyfriend my mother tried to keep him away from me because of how emotionally unstable I was as a teenager and the fact that she was afraid he was going to take advantage of that. As a teenager I never spoke to my mother about my romantic relationships because once again, ugh teenagers, but as an adult I did retrospectively and after I told her what our relationship was actually like she said something completely different. She said that all along she should have been trying to protect him from me. She said that I can seem really delicate on the outside but when it comes down to it, I am strong on the inside. So with sp 4 it's like we have similar elements in play but the way they're arranged is in fact opposite. By which I mean, what I want to be told is that it's ok to be is strong/agressive-ish, not that it's ok to be weak.

The time I cracked a little at the other LL over this typing was partially due to stress and partially because I hate being told I'm an obvious anything (I also hate telling others they're obvious either because people aren't) so clearly I should stay away from typology lol.

I hope this makes sense. It was extremely difficult to answer this, especially while trying to be not even less succint than this, and I still feel like this isn't perfectly reflective of my experience.

Yeah, I think my emotional stuff is mostly in the realms of anger and anxiety though. Once a long time ago I told my sister I was a peacemaker and she laughed at me! I don't relate to that e9 archetype of "peacemaker" at all, but someone suggested that's because I have a line to counterphobia. When I do act like a pushover I obsess over it and I feel like I can't be fine until I "redeem" myself to myself. So basically that 5% counterphobia link won't let me exist comfortably, it's fun. I do get tired of fighting though and am in the end perhaps too willing to sue for peace. I also think fighting over certain things is stupid and too much work so I will let them go. Anyway, I think "seeker" would be a better title for e9 but they apparently just named every type after their coping mechanism.

I actually think being depressed during the 2 year phase of catatonia helped me learn not to be so dramatic, as bad as that sounds lol. Before that I was more like that. So now I'm not usually like that but I still generally have trouble controlling my emotions too well. But right now I'm more inbetween the overly emotional of before depression and the flat, zombie quality of depression. As I mentioned in one of our convos before, I don't really indentify with the indifference a lot of 9's exhibit. It's more like I usually don't know how to express some things.

But I also think it's because my stronger emotions tend to be "disembodied" and almost guttural. I don't have the refinement you guys have, I'm more basic and I also think I hold these values almost instinctively because I don't understand myself or who I am.

But yeah, I do think it's my second strongest fix because I relate to the head triad types least of all. The way I exist seems so different from the way they do.

Thank you for the typing, you mentioned some really insightful things.

From my understanding, all of the types in the 469 tritype are seekers but I think 9 most seeks with an inclination to existence itself. For example, for me, procuring my identity would make it possible for me to consistently even exist for myself even before it would make it possible to consistently orient myself in the world. So it's like someone cut my tether to my self more than someone pushed me really far away from my self but my tether remained. And the act of finding a calling as a way to find oneself kind of feels more like it carries the implication of even a vauge sense of an identity (preferences for example) whereas for a 9 I think even the vaugest sense of that is abscent. In other words, I feel like 4's do have some sense of who they are and it is just significantly developed and refined through things like what you mentioned. I think I may have misunderstood some of 4's problems as meaning that vauge starting point implied an almost excessively defined self though I guess that's not true. I guess it's malliable and not necessarily exact, but, it feels more coherent than any way a 9 could be before integration. So it's like 9's don't even realize there's a line to cross or that they're people and sometimes it feels like they've forgotten they even exist. So it's like 9's seek answers to find out that they are by finding out how they are then they can actually move into realizing there's a line and crossing it. (I feel like I moved too far from the point...)

I don't know if it's also because I'm an sx 9? (Unless you're sister is also an sx 9) Because in order to make real connections with people, you have to be authentic with them and similarly, you have to be an individual.

[MENTION=35920]Ixaerus[/MENTION]

Here you go, I think these are the posts that most directly address why I type as a 9.
Though scanning them now, they seem largely personal in nature and possibly hard to follow. If you're interested I can try to explain on a somewhat less personal and more cohesive note (also one that doesn't contain misinformation about 4's in terms of "having a strong sense of identity"). Something that would be more what you seem to be looking for.