"Who even am I anymore?" xNxx. ENFP to INTJ, please help.

[Peppermintneko]

(Originally posted on a different, possibly dead forum, with no responses.)

I've always been on the fence of almost everything. In fact, I have a value system built on the the concept of balance being the key to a healthy life. This doesn't help me a lot when I'm trying to figure out what personality typings resonate with me. I used to believe I was an ENFP (there's a lot on ambiverts and riding the fence according to most with them) but I've grown to not really resonate with the typing over time. I don't think I'm really an extravert, as much as I'm comfortable facing my feelings and expressing them I often turn to logic over my emotions in problems solving, and overall I like structure. But even through all of those things, I'm not completely convinced I'm not an ENFP or close to one. When it comes to MBTI typing the one thing I'm sure of is intuition. eN or iN I can't really distinguish, but I live for intuition and it drives most aspects of my life.

When it comes to the 3 unknowns I/E, T/F, P/J. I overall feel I have a tendency towards Introversion compared to Extraversion. This is due mostly because I don't really care for social activity as much as I do for non-social. Overall I'm more the type to hang with small groups of people (5 or less, 2-3 is preferable.) I find parties to be noisy and often way more draining than necessary and overall, when it comes to a lot the activities I like to do (painting, writing, world-building, system-building) I don't need people around to do them, and it's much better if there isn't anybody around when I'm doing them. This is contrasted only by my absolute love of games and my dislike of physical activities that don't have to do with people. I'm a competitive spirit and love the challenge of versing people in games of strategy, bluffing, or physical activity. While open-world video game adventures can be exciting with the prospects of discovery and storyline, I get easily sucked into all out brawls or versus games such as Super Smash Bros, Mario Kart, and Overwatch. This competitive streak bleeds into board games as well, where I am always up for a good game of Risk, Chess, Monopoly or MTG. The thin line between extroversion and introversion is even harder to define when it comes to my Job. I'm a festival musician and artist. My job requires me to be comfortable performing in front of a large group of people, as well as developing connections between possible business partners and customers. I have to be comfortable interacting with people for 6-8 hours. This is where it's confusing, because I am comfortable, and I thrive in this environment.

Thinking and Feeling are hard because, I see them as equally important when considering the proper decision in a situation, and I often swap the order based on the context of the issue at hand. Internally and externally I've never had issues expressing either, and they both play a role in my personal and impersonal life. I've always been a good strategist/analyst, this leads to me often being a formidable force in the competitive games I love to play. I've also always been a empath/diplomat, never really having an issue soothing my friends internally and mending strained or broken bonds. Internally I have a pretty clear control and understanding of my thinking process and also what I'm feeling. Overall I tend to both analyze how I feel from a detached perspective and color my thinking with my personal motivations and morality.

Judging and Perceiving is the hardest for me because overall they're the least understood within myself. I do enjoy the security of and comfort of structure, but it's restricting and limiting. Freedom is wonderful, but it's also lost and provides no support. Most of the games I enjoy allow me the freedom to do a lot of things, but also the restriction to not making the game broke. I do most of my world-building for Role-Playing games, such as dungeons and dragons, where the freedom to do/make anything is exciting, but I and often extremely strict about what is allowed and what isn't. I love homebrew material, but I love homebrew material that makes sense in the world I'm making. I love complex systems that allow for weird half-breeds and multiclasses, without becoming a senseless mesh of chaos. That being said, I absolutely hate the restriction of many other games. I don't get why certain things shouldn't be allowed if they can be logically explained or reasoned. This translates to beliefs on legal systems, and law, where I understand the need and enjoy the security of the law, but also find the needless complexity and restriction inane.

Overall, I'm mostly looking for people's thoughts and ideas, I took an Enneagram test recently and got 4w5/5w4, though I'm also strong with 9, 1 and 7, so if that helps anybody, good luck. Thanks for reading my long post. Any feedback is appreciated. ^w^

 

[PumpkinMayCare]

Don't have the concentration to read that wall of text rn, but based on what I read, especially the last line I'm optimistic you're an INFJ or ENFP probably. The seeking of control and structure most likely comes from being an unusual MBTI and Enneagram type, that creates a push and pull-dynamic when it comes to the topic of control and structure. Esp this line stood out to me:

"I do enjoy the security of and comfort of structure, but it's restricting and limiting. Freedom is wonderful, but it's also lost and provides no support. Most of the games I enjoy allow me the freedom to do a lot of things, but also the restriction to not making the game broke. I do most of my world-building for Role-Playing games, such as dungeons and dragons, where the freedom to do/make anything is exciting, but I and often extremely strict about what is allowed and what isn't."
Suggests you're either a 5 or 1 E-type, cause I've experienced this myself and I am an E1 and also have a strong w5. Can't choose on the top of my head which E-type of the two does this right now, though.

Also, I used to get ENFP as a test result before I integrated into E1 and afterwards always got INFJ or INTJ which I am convinced I'm not. These tests don't provide good answers for a lot of people if you ask me.

 

[Peppermintneko]

Yeah, apologies on the long post. A lot of the tests I've been taking have been placing me INTJ or INFJ, but mostly INTJ. My socionics test placed me as an LII-Ne, which is an INTj with a heavy Ne function, I guess. I'm mostly trying to figure out my functions mostly since a lot of my process is context based. Since I usually try to figure out which fits a topic better before tackling it can be hard to differentiate. I have a feeling I might tend toward Te since I prefer attempting to apply logic to my external space, but this doesn't fit with the constant background filtering of information I do either. Te is paired with Fi which is strongest in INFP (I've been typed as such before.) I can understand having Fi mostly because I share the trait of constantly focusing and fixing my moral code vs. focusing on the emotions of others, which it common in those with strong Fi function users such as INFP. A lot of my issue differentiating between the two is that overall I'll commonly use both extroverted and introverted forms of the Thinking and Feeling functions. With there being a system that determines which is most appropriate, I might be able to figure something out based on that.

 

[Madboot]

The constant background filtering of information can also be Ni. From everything you've mentioned it sounds like you are either an INFJ with a strong Ti, or an INTJ with a strong Fi. Also remember, the definitions of the types are just guidelines. There are many flavors of each type. Learning about enneagram also helps to fine tune the picture. I am an INTJ with very strong Fi. I definitely apply my logic to world around me but my moral code is very consciously present in my decisions. I feel the same about many of the things that you mentioned. Having said that, my wife (INFJ) also feels similarly about many of those things. MBTI shouldn't be about defining yourself by some letters. It's a tool to help you analyze and discover yourself. It gives you a language to discuss those things with others.

 

[Norexan]

Socionics LII(INTj) is equal to MBTI INTP.

 

[Alice in Blunderland]

"I've always been on the fence of almost everything."

^This right here sounds very NP to me. That tendency to constantly second-guess yourself (including when deciding on your personality type) is something that seems very typical of NPs since Ne is always suggesting some possibility we didn't consider before.

I see why you're thinking INTJ since your love of strategy and working within (or around!) the rules of the game or some kind of structured system does indeed sound like Te. But the thing to remember is that NFPs have Te, too. For an ENFP, Te would be tertiary, the function that often shows up in recreational interests but that you wouldn't want to dominate your life, which fits with your self-description as someone who enjoys strategy for fun but finds a system that is too rigidly rule-based annoying.

I'm also struck by this:

"My job requires me to be comfortable performing in front of a large group of people, as well as developing connections between possible business partners and customers. I have to be comfortable interacting with people for 6-8 hours. This is where it's confusing, because I am comfortable, and I thrive in this environment."

Obviously, this isn't going to apply to every INTJ, but in my experience, when asked about schmoozing and networking, INTJs are more likely to say that they don't enjoy it and don't excel at it. The ENFPs I've known, on the other hand, are more likely to say, as you did, that they feel comfortable with and even thrive on that kind of interaction.

And this:

"I've also always been a empath/diplomat, never really having an issue soothing my friends internally and mending strained or broken bonds."

This is also the kind of statement I seldom see from INTJs, who, in my experience, are more likely to state that they struggle to know what to say to friends who are hurting and often offend without realizing it but don't know how to smooth things over. To me, the fact that you identify as an empathic, diplomatic type is a strong indicator that you are an NF rather than an NT.

Bottom line: My hunch is that you may be an ENFP who is questioning your type because a) you see yourself as too introverted for an extrovert and b) you feel that you have a good handle on rational, objective thinking. The thing is...I'm not sure if you've done any reading on this, but ENFPs are one of the types most likely to mistype as introverted because they do tend to need a substantial amount of alone time for Fi processing and expression. Also, since ENFPs are Te tert., it's quite possible for an ENFP with a well-developed Te to be able to apply that logical Te lens to their Fi values.

Now I'm going to say something that may be a little controversial because a lot of people disagree about whether the types can be distinguished visually. But, that said, I've noticed that INTJs are consistently one of the least facially and vocally expressive types I've ever interacted with. In contrast, the ENFPs I've known have been pretty much the opposite--very emotive. Have you interacted with many INTJs and/or ENFPs? If so, do you notice that your own manner of expression is more similar to one group or the other?

 

[ugghh]

Based on this, you strike me as a balanced ENFP.