ItsNotAboutFate
New member
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2018
- Messages
- 3
- Enneagram
- 1w2
- Instinctual Variant
- so/sx
You can guess at my Ennea/IV, too, but I'm pretty confident of those.
Disclaimer: How are you doing? Are there any major life events/illnesses/other issues that might be influencing you? Did you write this in one sitting, or have you pondered these issues deeply? Give us a sense of "where you're at" right now.
(Note that some of these issues may be very personal, and if you'd prefer not to share, it's perfectly acceptable to skip questions.)
I'm doing all right. Nothing too major is going on in my life at the moment. I do suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, Other Specified Anxiety Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. I've written this all in one sitting. I'm doing pretty well right now. I recently got engaged and I started working again after a period of unemployment.
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0. What's making you unsure of your type? What research have you already done to determine type?
Mostly just people on Tumblr saying I am mistyped (I identify as an ENFP, particularly after reading BestFitType's description), and that I'm probably an ESTJ or ISTJ. I've been reading about typology for about 12 years. My therapist agrees that I have dominant iNtuition, but that it seems like Ni. However, she doesn't have certification in MBTI - she just knows "a bit" about it.
1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).
If I'm at home with nothing to do and no one to talk to, I make myself find something to do before I get anxious. My mind meanders a lot and can meander into dark places. I'm probably criticizing myself a lot. Weekends are Hell for me because of this unless I have fun plans - I'd rather be working.
2. Describe yourself--
a. What's it like to be you?
Constantly setting unattainable standards for myself. I'm very outspoken and self-critical. I find it easy to be silly around people I like, but more so in person than online. I'm generally very warm and sociable, I like to make people feel secure while also helping them realize their potential. At the same time, I can be brutal towards people who are doing or saying things that could potentially hurt others. I am not always as popular as I'd like to be because I call people out a lot. I frequently get bursts of creative energy that I channel into writing, music, and my work as a support provider and mentor for adults with disabilities.
b. What have others said about you?
On the neutral/positive side: That I'm scrupulous, passionate, and unique. That I seem knowledgeable and competent - as someone who's on top of things. I've heard others feel safe with me - that they can be themselves around me. That I seem warm, caring, and positive. That I'm a hard worker and always strive for what's best, even if it isn't convenient to me. That I am a good advocate and that I stand up for those who care about me.
On the negative side: That I'm high strung, sanctimonious, and overly sensitive. Also, that I'm anal-retentive. I've also been told I sound stupid and seem manipulative and condescending. I've been told that I have an "anemic" personality. I've been told I have no logic, sense of timing, or situational awareness.
c. What do you think of yourself?
That I push myself harder than most (yet still somehow not hard enough). I like to think I'm a good person who's fun and interesting to be around. I think I'm overly obsessive.
3. What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.
Feeling judged. I'm autistic and had a lot of trouble dealing with social stuff when I was younger, yet I wanted to interact with my peers. I was mocked, even by teachers, and I channel that into making sure people like me don't suffer like I did through my work in direct support as well as activism for people with disabilities.
I've had a lot of toxic friendships and one very abusive relationship. I fell victim to their emotional manipulation because they would play on my desire to become my best self. "I'm only saying these hurtful things because I care! Listen to me! If you leave, you're a bad person!"
4. You're not good at everything--
a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?
Not caring about my reputation. Not becoming obsessive or intense. Apathy, in general. Being fully engaged by the physical world. Living in the moment.
b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?
The ability to take criticism without resentment - I just feel like I do so much of it to myself already. Calmness; feeling fully tethered and content. The ability to not have a moral crisis at least twice a week.
5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?
I'm usually the one doing the leaving, and it's generally because they did something disrespectful. When I've been the one who was left behind, it was because I made the other person uncomfortable.
6. Which types do you identify with most?
All ENxPs and INxJs.
a. How do you relate to these types?
I rely on my imagination and hunches. My mind works in bursts. I'm terrible with feeling connected to my physical surroundings and at reading my own physical cues. My thoughts move very quickly and I can seem to contradict myself or be confused as a result. I'm heavily interested in ideas and theoretical topics - these domains feel comfortable to me.
b. How do you NOT relate to them?
I'm not THAT impractical or eccentric.
7. Which types are least like you?
Any xSTx type.
a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types?
I have a very difficult time dealing with cold, hard facts and figures and I admire people who can without feeling preemptively embarrassed due to knowing you're going to drop the ball any minute. I am focused too much on people and potential, and I fumble with objects in the here and now.
b. What points (if any) DO you relate to?
I do crave adventure. I like systems. I like order.
8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love?
Finding love is only possible through putting yourself out there, discussing and doing what you enjoy. You won't find love through "game-playing".
9. What is the message your superego tells you?
Consider a time when you felt poorly about yourself--this means your ego (i.e. YOU) is receiving negative feedback from your superego. Write a conversation between the two of them--what is your superego telling you about how to be? (Note: this obviously is very personal and may be better done privately. Report your findings).
Superego: If someone disagrees with or disapproves of you, it means you're WRONG and BAD, and you must never be wrong or bad.
Ego: What should I do, then?
Superego: Become how they think you should be.
Ego: Why should I listen to them? They're cruel people.
Superego: So what? If you don't listen, you could be ignoring the absolute truth! You can't do that!
Ego: But, if they're right, I'm probably in too deep at this point. I might as well just die!
Superego: Okay. But, remember, you don't have to physically end your life in order to die.
For the following, rank the issues in the order they apply and give a brief description of why and how you relate.
10. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)
Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.
- to be "okay", having it together This is somewhat important to me. I don't like for others to think I'm a mess.
- to be devoted and loyal to a person or cause This is important to me. I like to be assured that I am doing my part.
- to be sensitive, original, unique, and creative This is important to me. I enjoy expressing my personhood.
- to be knowlegeable This is somewhat important to me. I like for the things I say to be backed up by a solid base of knowledge.
- to be powerful, strong, unassailable. This is not important to me at all. Good people can have vulnerabilities, and I think others should know this rather than striving for this impossible ideal of basically becoming a rock.
- to be accomplished and successful This is a little important to me. I want to be influential in my spheres.
- to strive to become/behave like a good person This is of extreme importance to me. I am always seeking to better myself and recreate myself until I become the person I feel I need to be. I know that I have dealt with a lot of adversity, and I need to be able to overcome it and not let it drag me down.
- to be a loveable person This is important to me. Knowing I am important to others feels good.
- to be loving and benevolent This is important to me. Others deserve care and compassion.
11. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?
Here are some common "felt senses" of life:
- I must do everything to maintain my world
- I have a sense of being unimportant, insignificant, and underving of attention
- I feel imperfect, not (good) enough
- I have been abandoned and I am inherently flawed
- I'm outside the natural unfoldment of things
- People have wronged and messed with me
- I feel isolated, cut off, and ultimately separate
- I have felt weak and/or vulnerable to attack
- I've had a sense of being rejectible
12. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.
Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life:
- Creating conflict by making myself or my needs too obvious
- Rejection, being needy, and not being loved
- Weak and not being on top of things
- Failure
- Being abandoned, sadness, feeling lost
- Entanglements and losing what I have
- Something is basically wrong with me--I'm not good enough
- Boredom, grunt work, and being exposed as a charlatan
- A lot--everything and everyone to one degree or another. It's very generalized.
Disclaimer: How are you doing? Are there any major life events/illnesses/other issues that might be influencing you? Did you write this in one sitting, or have you pondered these issues deeply? Give us a sense of "where you're at" right now.
(Note that some of these issues may be very personal, and if you'd prefer not to share, it's perfectly acceptable to skip questions.)
I'm doing all right. Nothing too major is going on in my life at the moment. I do suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, Other Specified Anxiety Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. I've written this all in one sitting. I'm doing pretty well right now. I recently got engaged and I started working again after a period of unemployment.
------------
0. What's making you unsure of your type? What research have you already done to determine type?
Mostly just people on Tumblr saying I am mistyped (I identify as an ENFP, particularly after reading BestFitType's description), and that I'm probably an ESTJ or ISTJ. I've been reading about typology for about 12 years. My therapist agrees that I have dominant iNtuition, but that it seems like Ni. However, she doesn't have certification in MBTI - she just knows "a bit" about it.
1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).
If I'm at home with nothing to do and no one to talk to, I make myself find something to do before I get anxious. My mind meanders a lot and can meander into dark places. I'm probably criticizing myself a lot. Weekends are Hell for me because of this unless I have fun plans - I'd rather be working.
2. Describe yourself--
a. What's it like to be you?
Constantly setting unattainable standards for myself. I'm very outspoken and self-critical. I find it easy to be silly around people I like, but more so in person than online. I'm generally very warm and sociable, I like to make people feel secure while also helping them realize their potential. At the same time, I can be brutal towards people who are doing or saying things that could potentially hurt others. I am not always as popular as I'd like to be because I call people out a lot. I frequently get bursts of creative energy that I channel into writing, music, and my work as a support provider and mentor for adults with disabilities.
b. What have others said about you?
On the neutral/positive side: That I'm scrupulous, passionate, and unique. That I seem knowledgeable and competent - as someone who's on top of things. I've heard others feel safe with me - that they can be themselves around me. That I seem warm, caring, and positive. That I'm a hard worker and always strive for what's best, even if it isn't convenient to me. That I am a good advocate and that I stand up for those who care about me.
On the negative side: That I'm high strung, sanctimonious, and overly sensitive. Also, that I'm anal-retentive. I've also been told I sound stupid and seem manipulative and condescending. I've been told that I have an "anemic" personality. I've been told I have no logic, sense of timing, or situational awareness.
c. What do you think of yourself?
That I push myself harder than most (yet still somehow not hard enough). I like to think I'm a good person who's fun and interesting to be around. I think I'm overly obsessive.
3. What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.
Feeling judged. I'm autistic and had a lot of trouble dealing with social stuff when I was younger, yet I wanted to interact with my peers. I was mocked, even by teachers, and I channel that into making sure people like me don't suffer like I did through my work in direct support as well as activism for people with disabilities.
I've had a lot of toxic friendships and one very abusive relationship. I fell victim to their emotional manipulation because they would play on my desire to become my best self. "I'm only saying these hurtful things because I care! Listen to me! If you leave, you're a bad person!"
4. You're not good at everything--
a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?
Not caring about my reputation. Not becoming obsessive or intense. Apathy, in general. Being fully engaged by the physical world. Living in the moment.
b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?
The ability to take criticism without resentment - I just feel like I do so much of it to myself already. Calmness; feeling fully tethered and content. The ability to not have a moral crisis at least twice a week.
5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?
I'm usually the one doing the leaving, and it's generally because they did something disrespectful. When I've been the one who was left behind, it was because I made the other person uncomfortable.
6. Which types do you identify with most?
All ENxPs and INxJs.
a. How do you relate to these types?
I rely on my imagination and hunches. My mind works in bursts. I'm terrible with feeling connected to my physical surroundings and at reading my own physical cues. My thoughts move very quickly and I can seem to contradict myself or be confused as a result. I'm heavily interested in ideas and theoretical topics - these domains feel comfortable to me.
b. How do you NOT relate to them?
I'm not THAT impractical or eccentric.
7. Which types are least like you?
Any xSTx type.
a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types?
I have a very difficult time dealing with cold, hard facts and figures and I admire people who can without feeling preemptively embarrassed due to knowing you're going to drop the ball any minute. I am focused too much on people and potential, and I fumble with objects in the here and now.
b. What points (if any) DO you relate to?
I do crave adventure. I like systems. I like order.
8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love?
Finding love is only possible through putting yourself out there, discussing and doing what you enjoy. You won't find love through "game-playing".
9. What is the message your superego tells you?
Consider a time when you felt poorly about yourself--this means your ego (i.e. YOU) is receiving negative feedback from your superego. Write a conversation between the two of them--what is your superego telling you about how to be? (Note: this obviously is very personal and may be better done privately. Report your findings).
Superego: If someone disagrees with or disapproves of you, it means you're WRONG and BAD, and you must never be wrong or bad.
Ego: What should I do, then?
Superego: Become how they think you should be.
Ego: Why should I listen to them? They're cruel people.
Superego: So what? If you don't listen, you could be ignoring the absolute truth! You can't do that!
Ego: But, if they're right, I'm probably in too deep at this point. I might as well just die!
Superego: Okay. But, remember, you don't have to physically end your life in order to die.
For the following, rank the issues in the order they apply and give a brief description of why and how you relate.
10. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)
Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.
- to be "okay", having it together This is somewhat important to me. I don't like for others to think I'm a mess.
- to be devoted and loyal to a person or cause This is important to me. I like to be assured that I am doing my part.
- to be sensitive, original, unique, and creative This is important to me. I enjoy expressing my personhood.
- to be knowlegeable This is somewhat important to me. I like for the things I say to be backed up by a solid base of knowledge.
- to be powerful, strong, unassailable. This is not important to me at all. Good people can have vulnerabilities, and I think others should know this rather than striving for this impossible ideal of basically becoming a rock.
- to be accomplished and successful This is a little important to me. I want to be influential in my spheres.
- to strive to become/behave like a good person This is of extreme importance to me. I am always seeking to better myself and recreate myself until I become the person I feel I need to be. I know that I have dealt with a lot of adversity, and I need to be able to overcome it and not let it drag me down.
- to be a loveable person This is important to me. Knowing I am important to others feels good.
- to be loving and benevolent This is important to me. Others deserve care and compassion.
11. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?
Here are some common "felt senses" of life:
- I must do everything to maintain my world
- I have a sense of being unimportant, insignificant, and underving of attention
- I feel imperfect, not (good) enough
- I have been abandoned and I am inherently flawed
- I'm outside the natural unfoldment of things
- People have wronged and messed with me
- I feel isolated, cut off, and ultimately separate
- I have felt weak and/or vulnerable to attack
- I've had a sense of being rejectible
12. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.
Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life:
- Creating conflict by making myself or my needs too obvious
- Rejection, being needy, and not being loved
- Weak and not being on top of things
- Failure
- Being abandoned, sadness, feeling lost
- Entanglements and losing what I have
- Something is basically wrong with me--I'm not good enough
- Boredom, grunt work, and being exposed as a charlatan
- A lot--everything and everyone to one degree or another. It's very generalized.
